@Chris-duck - Though not to the extent that you or Frieda describe, about a third of my sexually traumatic issues began and occurred for a couple of years at the age range you both describe (I was 18-20). Unlike you both, I somehow managed to evade reoccurring most all of the situation and sexual activities... though not all. Non-consensual - gray area - WTF was that sex combined with an onslaught of solicitations by a group. In my case, I was active duty military. In instances when the group orchestrated non consensual situations, pressure for sex from others in or by word of mouth by others was sure to follow. If one to one solicitation didn't work, it would escalate to the group attempts to infiltrate parties, try to get me high or way way inebriated (chemically bypass the capacity to think and reason... most always alcohol cuz I wasn't a drug user), keep me there distracted as the "party" dissipated and then lock me in and physically prevent an attempt at leaving. The other difference I guess is that later on "the other girl" in the scenario was introduced after and we became friends. The "pressure" was for me to submit or they'd go for her. Sort of a hook to "protect" somebody else. K so here's a bit about this and that...
I was an adult, 19-21. I'm not sure it was a cult, because I wasn't part of anything. Like outside right at the start, it was about 90% being approached by strangers in public who knew me or other girl like "you need to come. A said.." like cults would involve me? Like this more happened somewhere around me? Like my normal life was normal? Just people recognised me and already had permission and uh were unhappy with their permission being argued?
In my case the "group" was a band of buddies who ballyhoo'd their exploits and sought to one up each other. Eventually in their efforts to best their clique members... they employed other friends to game on their targets for sexual bragging rights and it grew to include exploitation for those in their clique or to keep pressure on their target. One hell of a f'd up psychosocial game.
So far as the bit I quoted... what jumped out at me was the "people recognized me and already had permission" part. When working though this... though I didn't have a name for it at the time, the stumbling block for me is what I dubbed "implied consent". During that time, those who approached and solicited me were expecting or assuming that by what happened in the first and couple subsequent situations... I waived my right to consent... so sayeth the group. As a young woman of 18-20 with a history of child abuse, not long away from home and not "world-wise"... I was ill prepared to deal with it. The peer pressure/group aspect of it and public approaches made it worse.
Come back 'round to where you share in the above quote about people having permission... BUT zero in on the "were unhappy with their permission being argued". For me that was the nugget. The GROUP said, I was available for use because in the orchestrated situation I had surrendered my consent and that henceforth and however they deemed my consent was "implied". But it was not. "Implied Consent - Consent that is inferred from signs, actions, or facts, or by inaction or silence." Anything argued vanquishes implied consent... AND/OR whatever else "implied consent is used for... it is not for pressuring a non willing person for sex. It was a ploy to psychologically convince me that the gravity of the first situation rendered me unto their "control" to be used as they directed, when they directed, by peer pressure or other more direct means including being sequestered in locked rooms unable to escape. I never knew with any certainty "who" would employ the additional measures because new people would "create a situation/orchestrate" and then the other member or members would arrive.
Belabored it a bit but to crack the nut it might be helpful to examine thoughts/feelings/recollections about that age socially and savviness or lack there of (I wasn't very savvy) and pick apart consent, implied consent (what the group expectation/pressure was sayin') against actual consent. Helped me to broach it some and give me some traction. At 18-20... I straight up wasn't prepared for the pressure and scenarios involved. All I could do was bob, duck, weave, keep ears and eyes open and evade without actively isolating cuz these peeps lived in our dorms and not my group but another on another base was actually orchestrated by NCO's... not Airmen.
Wasn't coerced (cos to me coercing means being forced to agree somehow by threat or whatever). Like I know I didn't consent. That part isn't a grey area for me, the grey area is more, wtf was going on for me to end up in that fight so much with people I'd not even met before who knew me.
Dunno bout you Chris, but I know that for me, I was targeted and perplexed as you but they kept the pressure on. That's when I developed my nearly anorexic eating disorder... I had mandatory orders to report to the chow hall.
40s, already trafficking women for a while, multi IDs (whacha need them for, if ya aint a multi states citizen, diplomat, traveler, govt or affiliated, etc), has an organised & hierarchical circle of aid/clients, etc.... Going just from what you said about A.
For me this is a big red flag too... as Ronin shared. The orchestrator of this group is nefarious though it may be unlikely that his purpose may never be known.
You were 19. I was 20. We were both living away from our "homes." We both were caught up in a situation that we couldn't escape. Neither of us were locked up ALL THE TIME. But we were both in situations where we were in locked rooms and horrible things happened. Then we left, then we came back. And we never said a word about what happened in those rooms
Why?
If I'm to believe my T it was self-preservation. Speaking about what was happening, fighting back, making a fuss, not being where "we were supposed to be" came with a level of threat that couldn't be faced. There was no other option. Oh sure, you can say you could have jumped a train and gone to paris. Sure. But what would you have done when you got there? No job, no money, no home, no skills. And no - you don't get to say you would have figured it out. The reality is that you had no good options.
Bingo Frieda, what she said. Yeah it was self preservation. For me, I would have had to go AWOL. As it was I orchestrated my own reassignment and got my ass off that base, thus removing myself from it entirely. I did though later on run into two of the group. One at my last base before separation, and another at the Atlanta airport. I didn't handle it well afterwards (total f'ing melt down but 10 foot tall, bullet proof and full of distain and loathing while face to face).
Frieda said, "We were both living away from our "homes." We both were caught up in a situation that we couldn't escape. Neither of us were locked up ALL THE TIME. But we were both in situations where we were in locked rooms and horrible things happened. Then we left, then we came back. And we never said a word about what happened in those rooms … Why?"
For me in therapy and alcohol treatment the WHY was an already deeply rooted distrust in "institutions/agencies/organizations" and a total inability of support in my bio family (both well deserved).
But you both might be able to gleen your own why.
Hope something in here clicks. I actually had to crack a beer at 7 am and keep walking away off an on just to write it.
