Sexual Assault Unsure how to define this - 2 years of um coerced sex

[Ronin]

Like I dunno how to explain, just I think my brain expands the gap between realising something is wrong and being totally f*cked, like it's probably just a few seconds. But I have all these ideas about wtf I coulda done in that time :laugh:

:hilarious: So my life.

(Laughing in solidarity, not at your pain.)

But in seriousness, widening that gap & describing all that went on in between, and went on in your head? Helps healing. Helps making sense of the mess. Helps learn for future messes, not that I wish any on you.

So definitely not just you with the wild ideas. More like you doing some kickass recovery work.

 

[Chris-duck]

(Laughing in solidarity, not at your pain.)

Hah don't worry, I get it :)

I think it's like I didn't even *recognise* some, so it was like random chat while in a queue at a supermarket to them saying where they're from to me being held. Like I know that not making small chat wouldn't have helped n I know I couldn't have randomly bolted in that second or so. Like I know that after that first time my window for escaping was pretty small. But I think that's why I beat myself up for the first time. Even if I get I didn't expect two years of shit for showing up then.

So definitely not just you with the wild ideas. More like you doing some kickass recovery work.

Heh thanks. Honestly I'm totes winging life right now. 11 months into a T waiting list after a 8 month wait for 20 sessions last year. Not frustrating at all /sarcasm ?

 

[Ronin]

Snort. As in... yeaah I will so get back to you / to this because relating and understanding and yeah.

Dragging times with therapy waiting are bore, my sympathies. And wishes of a lot of patience to you.

 

[Mee]

I relate to this too @Chris-duck .

It still doesn’t change. ?

 

[Chris-duck]

Snort. As in... yeaah I will so get back to you / to this because relating and understanding and yeah.

Hah yeah nae worries :)

Dragging times with therapy waiting are bore, my sympathies. And wishes of a lot of patience to you.

Thanks. I feel judged for not improving around here. But that's my issue.

I relate to this too @Chris-duck .

It still doesn’t change. ?

Like I know. It's just hard to explain wtf I mean.

 

[Ronin]

You're not having slow progress...

People who say that are slow in recognizing your progress.

It's two different things.

Not all situations have words, or the right words, and that is okay. Doesn't take away from the experience.

 

[Chris-duck]

Yeah. I don't think anyone has *said* it. I just think they think it ?

And since I am pretty sure I'm blahblahing the same shit I blahblahed last year I'm not sure I disagree ?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I'm blahblahing the same shit I blahblahed last year

There soooo needs to be an award for this... we can hand it round daily and argue about whose shit is most similar to what they said a year ago... :laugh:

The calendar award? ?

You're doing fine. And you're making progress.

No one who matters is judging you. And anyone who is judging you, doesn't matter.

:hug:

 

[Freida]

I know I didn't agree, but I know I had capacity to agree or not.

ya -- no. Nope. Nope. no.
I had the capacity to agree. I did agree.
And it's taken my t years to knock that out of my head (ok, still working on it.)
But what would have happened if I hadn't agreed?
What would have happened if you hadn't?
I called it forced compliance - but no matter what I call it the truth is that I agreed to do some of those things
You really didn't have a choice either.

But I have all these ideas about wtf I coulda done in that time

yep - keep telling yourself that! It won't make it true though

The calendar award? ?

Love it!!!
Because I'm there too! bitching bout crap I've been bitching about forever!

The I5 corridor from Canada to Mexico is a huge trafficking problem and yep - the kids (14 is about right) who get picked up get arrested for prostitution. It is slowly changing - they are being seen as victims rather than criminals. I had a deputy who was really involved in changing those laws and it used to break his heart to watch these children (yes -- teens are children) try to defend their pimps and blame themselves. They were big on the whole "I could have walked away" thing.

But really - they couldn't.
Just like you couldn't.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

The calendar award? ?

Or groundhog day award?
? This is *almost* a groundhog, right? :rolleyes:

??

:hug:

 

[Freida]

??
perfect!!! And I just earned one over in my diary! :laugh:

 

[Mee]

ya -- no. Nope. Nope. no.
I had the capacity to agree. I did agree.
And it's taken my t years to knock that out of my head (ok, still working on it.)
But what would have happened if I hadn't agreed?
What would have happened if you hadn't?
I called it forced compliance - but no matter what I call it the truth is that I agreed to do some of those things
You really didn't have a choice either.


yep - keep telling yourself that! It won't make it true though

Love it!!!
Because I'm there too! bitching bout crap I've been bitching about forever!

The I5 corridor from Canada to Mexico is a huge trafficking problem and yep - the kids (14 is about right) who get picked up get arrested for prostitution. It is slowly changing - they are being seen as victims rather than criminals. I had a deputy who was really involved in changing those laws and it used to break his heart to watch these children (yes -- teens are children) try to defend their pimps and blame themselves. They were big on the whole "I could have walked away" thing.

But really - they couldn't.
Just like you couldn't.

the fawn response .

I call it the hostage negotiator . ?. You might look calm , collected, in control- But you know your life might be at risk . A sex act with a smile to get out intact?