I would like to make sure I understand what you are going through. I want to explain what I understand you are saying and please let me know if I am correct...
What happens to me, and this has happened too many times to doubt for me. I understand where I am coming from. I know what I mean, and I know what I trying to say, but so many times people have not understood me because that person and I understand different things. I believe what was happening to me in these situations, and happened to you recently, is because people sometimes make decisions and don't feel I am worth their time to explain what they understand or think or perceive, so they leave me guessing, and I used to think I needed to know why they left, but now I don't feel the need to understand why. Instead of understanding why they left, I understand that if we don't tell people what we expect, they won't know what we expect, and most often that expectation will not be met.
What I think may help you is to know that you are aware of something I am aware of, that we cannot know what we are not told, expalined or taught. This was and is still a very pressing issue for me because now I understand that respect on the highest level is to respect the need everyone has for a logical explanation that would tell us wh at others expect of us so we can meet the expectations they have. If they don't tell us what they expect, then leave us, with on explanation, to me, that is disrespectful. Not towards us so much as an insult, it is a different kind of disrespect.
To me, if someone holds an expectation for me, but does not tell me that is what they are expecting from me, I fail to meet their expectation and they reject me without any explanation whatsoever, to me, that is short sighted and disrespectful.
The healthy thing to do, is what you would like to happen, and I love every time it happens; if and when I make a mistake, someone helps me understand what I did that they didn't like, and at least attempt to make some effort at reaching a common understanding with me. To help others understand where we are coming from... talking about what is bothering us "IS" the way to resolve the conflict. No talking, no one knows what to do to resolve the conlfict, = division. When people talk about what is bothering them, we can decide if we want to meet their expecations, or at least explain why we cannot and there is almost always a mutual respect for both parties.
From what I hear you saying, you were disrespected. It hurts, I know... Badly. I want to help you see that you are doing the right thing by talking about what is bothering you, searching for solutions is what we are supposed to do. Some people will not care what we feel, want, think, need, anything. Some do. Some people who care cannot understand where we are coming from, exactly, but they can have empathy, respect, and they can tell us they cannot understand, or what have you.
The way I handle this type of disrespectful situation is by understanding, not by solving the problem, but understanding some people understand us and care. Some people don't understand us and still care. Some people understand and don't care. Some people don't understand and don't care to know what we are dealing with. And some people just don't care. Those are the kind of people I am learning to avoid.
As far as I am concerned, you are doing the right thing, you did the right thing, and since there is no explanation, we cannot know what to do. It is at that point I respectfully walk away from those kind of people, people that don't explain what they expect. There are people who understand you. If not me, someone will.
Talking out our problems is how they are able to be solved. No talking, no explanation means there will be no resolution. And I had enough of that already getting where I am now. And I don't want to be put in that situation again. If I am, I know everyone needs to be explained to, whatever it is, if I don't get an explanation, I can't be helpful, I can't change, I will never be able to meet such vague grounds for approval, and that sucks! I find the people who do understand me will often go out of their way to help me understand an issue I don't understand, and those are the people I hangout with.
If I said anything you don't understand or if you would like further clarification please let me know. If I am wrong, I would appreciate your letting me know how, so I can see your side, and maybe clarify what I am trying to say. Or maybe I will see where I am wrong an I can apologize.
Talking = Resolution.
Isolation = Continued Conflict, whatever that conflict causing us to isolate may be.
Peace to you.
