When someone thinks they have cptsd from being spanked as a child…

[Friday]

Wow, I haven't heard that kids can't get PTSD. I would definitely disagree with that statement. And I am so sorry that you witnessed a friend being killed by a car.

Cha.

Kid-brains are so “plastic” (extraordinary, resilient, almost magical) that responsible clinicians are EXTREMELY reluctant to diagnose ANY lifelong disorder (like PTSD, as well as most other acquired instead of “born with” disorders) and are flat out banned/not allowed to diagnose anything that requires an “enduring & persistent” (personality disorders).

Speaking as a PARENT of a traumatised child? I watched him flip through several dozen “disorders” in his adolescent & teen years. FULL ON XYZ, or ABC, for a few months here, switch to another for a few months there… and again, and again, and again. So I’ve learned to reeeeally appreciate the cannon of NOT dx’ing a child… until age brings stratification/immobility.

Did you know that over 90% of ADULTS with PTSD are asymptomatic in under 6mo with ZERO treatment? And never, ever, another symptom again? 6 months. I’ve read the numbers fluctuate between 92-96%. Of people actually diagnosable. Poof. Magically better in less than a year. And good for LIFE.

The LANDSLIDE majority (99.9999999999999999 (bar) %) of traumatised KIDS will not go on to have PTSD as an adult. Granted, some will have conditions faaaaaar worse. Like personality disorders; or so called “middling” like substance abuse, delusional, generalised anxiety, ocd, eating disorders, etc. But? Anyone HERE with PTSD from childhood abuse? Falls in that teeny tiny narrow percentage of MILLIONS. As we’re now a population of tens of billions. So a teeny tiny minority of children? Is still a helluva lotta kids. Also a helluva lot less than the 4% or 1% of born with disorders (like dyslexia, blindness, deafness, diabetic, ADHD, GAD, etc.).

SMART clinicians? Don’t diagnose children, until they’ve had room to heal/grow.

That doesn’t mean that children cannot, but that children aren’t all fixed/static. Instead? They’re plastic as hell.

Children can absolutely have any of DOZENS of disorders & conditions resulting from trauma. PTSD is one or the luckier/better ones, to lock onto. As it is sooooooo localized/discrete. Most traumatised children aren’t that lucky.

We all (most of us) have PTSD. Can you even imagine your worst trigger being… everything (like GAD)? Zero relation to trauma. Pure, life = brutal pain/anxiety/reaction. Or OCD, where your worst trigger is NOT something that actually happened, but something that once crossed your mind, so is now “real”? Or a personality disorder where EVERYONE IS your rapeist/abuser/etc., including the 2yo waving at ducks? So, of course, you should murder that toddler and feel relief in their guts being ripped out / set on fire/ etc?? An innocent child, a puddle of goo? PTSD is a reeeeaally looooooooooooooow bar. It is a disorder that is super concentrated/focused….comparatively. Compared to what we might have, instead. PTSD is understandable. Relatable. Sensical. Most other options? Are sooooooo much worse.

 

[JSW]

I wouldn’t. They aren’t worth my time. Given how low their ability to deal with distress I’d hate to say they’re full of sh*t and further their trauma. however it IS possible they mean they were beaten as a child and are calling it spanked per family wording? So if you connect on every other level it might be worth continuing to see them and asking what they mean? Generally I get a good read off people face to face so either of the two above would be my response.

Judging a person’s experience of trauma like this shows a lack of education on the subject, and measuring someone’s “ability to deal with distress” when they were a child is appalling.

 

[Susan Jane]

A date told me they had been severely traumatized and now have cptsd. I didn’t ask but they wanted to tell me what the trauma was, which isn’t a problem for me… they said they have cptsd now from being spanked as a child…

How would you respond?

I would accept it. Trauma and CPTSD are not a competition for who had it the worst. It isn’t for me to judge. However, if this date wanted to date and I found them unbearable I wouldn’t date them.

This isn’t a spanking. This is abuse! A spanking as it was meant to be used is akin to a seat on the bottom. I don’t condone spanking at all. However it isn’t life and death and therefore does not fit the criteria for PTSD. This is why I said that they either are using PTSD colloquially or they are mistaking PTSD for a beating. Breaking something over your butt is NOT a spanking, it’s a beating. Where I’m from in the US parents are allowed to spank. But it’s defined as a hand not a tool (weapon). I’m not saying a spanking won’t lead to trauma it can and often does. I’m saying it doesn’t lead to PTSD.

When a kid comes to me with it it is very often not the act of a spanking that is terrorizing them. It’s either that the act is a beating or it’s accompanied by screaming and yelling and just plain bad parenting. Swatting your toddler who goes away giggling is a spanking. Having a parent mercilessly whip you isn’t.

I don’t agree…spanking a child can lead to it. In fact at my school I was spanked by a male principle and it was traumatic.

 

[anonymousidkkms]

i was spanked. i have an extremely adverse reaction to the memory. my body shakes, i lose the ability to think. it fades into a fog. my body’s solution to cope— ever since i was as young as 4 or 5– was to become aroused. i experienced not only as a physical assault but as a sexual assault on one of my most sensitive areas. it is my greatest shame in life. im so so ashamed of it. i cant imagine being brave enough to share it with the real world, and then to be shamed for it online by a group thats supposedly for support… its horrible. thats so horrible.

to anyone saying “thats not what a real spanking is” — if you allow some forms of physical abuse, youre condoning all of it. any abusive parent will push that line as far as they feel and still get away with it because theyll teach their kids to call it ‘spanking.’ in reality you just shouldnt f*cking hit kids. especially not on their erogenous zones.
maybe it happened to you and you didnt respond to it. great. but everyone reacts in a different way and it is, by literal definition, physical violence. it is wrong.

 

[Friday]

but everyone reacts in a different way and it is, by literal definition, physical violence. it is wrong.

How about mental & emotional violence? Deliberately shaming, guilting, isolating, humiliating, & inflicting emotional/mental pain? (Like being grounded, sent on timeout).

At a certain level? It’s abuse. Just like physical violence.

When something is abuse? It’s abuse.

Not all forms of physical, mental, emotional pain… are abuse.

Some? Very much are.

Context matters.

In the framework of ABUSE? Being denied a fizzy drink matters. Often? Deeply. OUTSIDE of abuse? It’s a f*cking soda. How could that possibly matter???

And, damn straight, people have killed themselves over the shame of being denied a soda (in abuse) whilst other shrug off a spanking, as well earned (not in abuse).

Context.

Abuse? Is abuse. No single act, on paper, defines it. Living it does.

It’s less that everyone responds differently, and faaaaar MORE that everyone responds the same. Spanking, timeout, grounding, etc.? Are not the issue. Abusive, or not? Reeeeeally is. Regardless of “what” is being done, far more important is “why” & “how”. With PTSD? People like to focus on the what (avoidance symptom), like wearing a pretty dress, or a spanking, or whatever. Virtually ANYTHING that places blame on either themselves or a “thing” (to look out for). It’s evolutionarily sound; touch a hot burner? Get burned. That doesn’t make it “real”. Wear a pretty dress? Get raped. Get spanked? Abuse. SOME PEOPLE??? Abuse via spanking. (Or timeout, or food, or any of 1,000 things). That doesn’t make the thing itself wrong. It makes the person doing it, the way they’re doing it, wrong.

 

[Paranoid-BedBug]

I'd assume anyone scoffing at another person's life experiences and judging their trauma as being 'not bad enough' is dealing with resentment at not being taken seriously for their own experiences.

This isn't the Trauma Olympics.

We don't get medals or certificates for suffering 'enough' to earn the coveted CPTSD trophy.

If Person X feels that seething jolt of resentment at someone Y claiming CPTSD that Person X doesn't feel is 'bad enough,' then it says to me that person X's pain was likely minimized, dismissed, and judged 'not bad enough' when they sought support.

Rather than show Person Y sympathy for their suffering, Person X feels indignant.

"You want sympathy and support for that minor experience? How dare you? I suffered far worse and I was mocked and sneered at! No way am I giving you respect when I got nothing when I shared my story!"

It's not helpful to compare trauma and gatekeep who gets into the CPTSD club.

Some people suffer horrific abuse for decades and never develop CPTSD.

The severity of the events isn't three determining factor for developing the disorder.

1. Repeated traumatic experiences at the hands of a person with authority. AND
2. The belief that escape is not possible.

At no point in any diagnostic criteria is a list of what qualifies as 'bad enough.'

Ours is not a club anyone wants to join.

We are all suffering.

The biggest factor determining whether a person develops CPTSD is whether they had a support system when they finally escaped.

People who survive being prisoners of war, for example, are much less likely to develop CPTSD than child abuse survivors, if the prisoners had a loving family back home who supported and believed them.

Child abuse survivors rarely have any sense of being loved, believed, and supported.

And while we can resent our experiences, we gain nothing by judging and resenting the experiences of others being 'not bad enough.'

We are in a unique position of sympathizing and empathizing with the experience of CPTSD. It's very difficult to get people from healthy families, who haven't experienced trauma, to understand just how debilitating and miserable the symptoms are.

Rather than gatekeep our community, we can choose to support each other, healing ourselves by healing others.

I'd support both the person who disclosed their newly discovered CPTSD and the person who feels resentment for not having gotten support when they disclosed their condition and traumas earlier.

 

[HopeIsLost]

me right now:

Is it possible to find someone gentle and courageous…with some mental stability? Sigh.

Honestly I feel that a lot. But a lot of the people who are stable right now are stable because they abuse people, people that abuse people and have no remorse.

Empaths usually feel and in this world, it’s very hard not to lose your mind.

You got homeless people on the street.
Kids dying from trafficking.
Women forced into acts.
Young people forced into acts.
Autistic people abused.
Empathic people abused or ended their lives because of violence.

It’s very hard for a person with soul to live in this world and not be even slightly tormented by it. Of course there is people with strength but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hiding the sorrow they face.

I think it’s very very rare to be strong and loving. Because alot of people I see they act all strong and empowering, but lack empathy, of course it’s easy to act happy when you don’t care. Because not caring legit removes the problem of being hurt.

 

[Luna_Moth]

A date told me they had been severely traumatized and now have cptsd. I didn’t ask but they wanted to tell me what the trauma was, which isn’t a problem for me… they said they have cptsd now from being spanked as a child…

How would you respond?

Being spanked was the least traumatic thing that happened to me.

 

[Justmehere]

I broke up with him. I let the spanking & cPTSD thing sit for a bit.

He claimed watching his father hug his dying mother and tell her it would all be okay… was trauma. Not the dying mother part. That was not trauma. (Except it is…) He claimed the hug and words of “it will be okay” to his dying mother was trauma. He was also angry his father was not “parenting” him correctly despite being very much a full adult himself with his own kids. He was angry his father was failing at parenting his adult self because his father would not disagree or agree with his self diagnosis of what turns out to be various conditions, not just cPTSD, which no professional has ever diagnosed him with, per his own statements…

He said that when there is conflict he can not speak of it ever, only text about it. At 2 am. And only between 2 am and 3 am. Because of trauma. In fact he was clear all verbal communication had to stop if he ever felt I disagreed with him or wasn’t pleased and all communication had to go to text only for weeks.

That brought on our only conflict, which was about conflict. We were done at that point. I was only waiting to tell him in person… which never happened…

He spiraled shortly after and we ended up breaking up via text because I wasn’t going to wait anymore. His spiral made it clear he was a covert narcissist that intentionally claims victimhood over any matter where people did not adamantly agree and celebrate him.

I had never really understood to read much about covert version of narcissism… but it turned out he was textbook.

In this case, the spanking is cPTSD thing was a preview of his covert narcissism. Is that to say it’s always that? No. Not at all.

In this case, it was. Sigh.

 

[Charbella]

which no professional has ever diagnosed him with

I feel like there’s definitely one out there…he probably won’t self diagnosis it though.

 

[Rose White]

Well done seeing all that and responding in a way that held onto your dignity!

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks! I struggle to quit things and I was really happy when I quit him.