Sufferer How Do I Save This Mess I Created?

[Whitneys story]

Cufflinks, I agree with Myvetswife on the timing. I am in agreement with you that you are finding some peace within.

I feel the key is learning to process the anger into healing actions. You have been dealing with major life changing situations. Your therapist is waiting for you to continue acknowledging for your self!

JMHO, We must continue building our confidence until we feel it. You are allowed to pat your own shoulder.

I will try not to squeeze to hard but enough that you remember you are not alone. :hug: Whitney

 

[Cufflinks]

To open up the original trauma you really have to be stable

I feel I have been quite calm since she left. Apart from the immediate departure. I guess I now have to find my routine which hopefully will fall into place. I'm not used to being on my own.

Are you really not angry? Or do you push it back down?

I react totally differently from the way I used to.

Before I would get angry and probably say something hurtful. Now I get upset that somebody is angry with me.

I'm not sure what to make of this but it feels like progress.

 

[myvetswife]

I feel I have been quite calm since she left.

But that is still very fresh. I can understand your therapyst. You can do more damage than good doing it too early. Be be stable does mean not only for a couple of days.

I understand you want to move on, and that's good. But it will take time. Take the time to heal. You are worth it!

I'm not sure what to make of this but it feels like progress.

Then is probably is. Keep watching yourself. Start feeling yourself. That is the hard bit.

I'm not used to being on my own.

It drives my husband nuts. Even a morning on his own is hard for him. So you are not alone.

 

[myvetswife]

How are you?

 

[Cufflinks]

Thank you for asking. It's kind.

I've actually been a lot better since she moved out. A lot of my stress has gone. I was discussing this with my T and she said she was a trigger. She was amazed at the difference in me after a week. I seem to have turned my corner and am actually enjoying being on my own. I still have lots of stuff to deal with but I'm a lot calmer and feel peaceful. I'm about to start CBT and feel in a good place as I'm on my journey now and prepared for it.

Except for one thing. My kids.

I'm feeling very sad today. because I spoke with them yesterday and my middle son (8) would rather be back at his old school and is missing me terribly. He cryed. It broke my heart and has left me very emotional today. My eldest (10) was also unenthusiatic about what's going on but we can talk properly as he's very grown up for his age and we're very close. They're missing me which I wasn't expecting. I've had it drummed into me by my wife that I had distanced myself from them and that although I used to be a good Dad, I no longer was.

It's made me determined to find a new home that they'll enjoy too and look forward to our time together. They are my life. I have nobody else left.

Very sad....

 

[safenow]

I am glad you are a good dad. I am also sad that you are sad, but I can understand it and why. I am also glad you are doing so much better.

Take good care of you.

 

[myvetswife]

Good news that your are calming down!

I can understand you are sad about your children. Our son and my husband fight sometimes like cat and dogs but they still love each other.

Parents got a special bound with their children.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi Cufflinks, It's great to see your encouraged news. Your children will always need you.

Her negative attitude will ware on them as well. Please let your feelings out here. It is natural to feel anger from her past programming. The children need a solid support system which you can show them.

Keep up the great work. You deserve happiness!
Behemoth Hugs, Whitney:cool:

 

[amethist]

You will be the good dad they deserve Cufflinks. You have always been a good dad, just one with differences.

Good to hear you are feeling better in one way, but sad for you that it had to like it is.

Give yourself some time now, to adjust and adapt to how life is for you now.

 

[Cufflinks]

Good news that your are calming down!

Calming down doesn't even come close to describing how I've been. Totally calm, like an enormous stress has gone from my life would be a better description.

Her negative attitude will ware on them as well.

I still worry about the impact on the kids.

My post on 8th Feb referred to a dark and unresolved past. I feel she has transferred the feelings about those men and regards me in the same light. That hurts but explains a lot.

I'll move on but whilst this is untreated I doubt she will. The impact on the kids is worrying. She has already been told by her mother that she is too strict with them.

 

[Whitneys story]

For the sake of the children I do hope their Grandmother has eyes and ears open. Are you able to call them and say goodnight? I feel it helps children know you're not that far away.

Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. One step at a time. Surrounding you with calming thoughts. Whitney

 

[ms spock]

I've actually been a lot better since she moved out. A lot of my stress has gone. I was discussing this with my T and she said she was a trigger. She was amazed at the difference in me after a week. I seem to have turned my corner and am actually enjoying being on my own.

I am so glad to read this. This is really good news. It is good news you are feeling better as you are no longer carrying her stuff.

I'm feeling very sad today. because I spoke with them yesterday and my middle son (8) would rather be back at his old school and is missing me terribly. My eldest (10) was also unenthusiatic about what's going on but we can talk properly as he's very grown up for his age and we're very close. They're missing me which I wasn't expecting. I've had it drummed into me by my wife that I had distanced myself from them and that although I used to be a good Dad, I no longer was.

Just as you were exhausted and undermined by her negative projections, well imagine how is is effecting your kids. So keep your positivity about you. Your kids are going to really need your time, attention, care and positivity.

It is great you are noticing that your kids are missing you. I am glad you are getting that feedback.

It's made me determined to find a new home that they'll enjoy too and look forward to our time together. They are my life. I have nobody else left.

It is important you slowly build up your own life with your own friends, as it is a lot to place on children that they are your life. On the other hand, that they are so important to you is so wonderful and heartening to read. I wish I had been important to my father. So I feel for your children - that they are so lucky that they are important to you. I hope they can ring you whenever they want - in the morning for a few minutes and at night to say goodnight. However it works out, you have been most considered in thinking about them. So give yourself credit for that.