It is a decision, a conscious decision carefully guarded and made several times a day, then every day - 26 days creates a new habit and 6 months creates a new behavior. Grieving is not necessary for recovery. It really is a case of, how soon do you want it?
Actually, no the tools I mention have been my own self study for about 4 years now. I had a therapist when I was having random suicidal thoughts and urges. My guy was a talk therapist. Very little help whatsoever. I did this forum, learned about the stuff I shared above, and after about 6 months, the suicidal thoughts were gone and I stopped therapy. I do though have footing and experience in both secular and 12 step recovery. I had issues with alcohol. When I got a few years of sobriety I realized I had "issues other than alcohol"... and found the PTSD.
Self examination. Reinterpretation of events, people and circumstances looking for alternative more beneficial perspectives than the ones you currently hold. 12 stepper's HOW of the program is honesty, open mindedness and willingness. It is apt.
If you don't know how, learn. If you don't know what, try. If you don't understand, read or use the forum to discuss with other people (like you're doing now). If you want your life to get better, take actions in line with your personal goals and values. If you feel shame or guilt, learn what shame and guilt are for and determine to learn how to discern the appropriateness of emotions rather than boil in emotional dysfunction.
I use free resources online or at my library. Then I apply it in my day to day life, and I participate on this forum to learn from the experiences of others.
If in your workbook "numb" was your answer 95% of the time, concentrate your efforts on the 5% of emotions you have available to you and work with them until something thaws out. But it is work. Everything worthwhile pretty much is.
I'm actively pursuing some self confidence, resilience, and spontaniety right now. I couldn't have even begun to do that the way I was 4 years ago. Self examination, willingness, making a decision, action, reassessment of feedback from goals or challenges... grow, stretch, grow stretch, grow stretch. Just like those ear bobs young people have now. It starts small and gets larger, and larger, and larger. I started with where I was. A sober woman with agoraphobia and suicidal thoughts and urges. Now I'm a sometimes troubled woman who travels a good deal of the time around various towns, and has 2 part time jobs and takes care of both my mother and mother in law and also checks on my friends mom during the day a few times a week to help their family.
I am not symptomatic very often and when I am I set my sights on how fast I can rebound. Periods of 4 months have been shortened to a few days to about 2 weeks. It is better because I challenged myself to go to my mail box. Go to the store. Go to a class. Go to a social event. Be a volunteer... etc. I am no longer agoraphobic and have the ability to go anywhere without a lot of stress. I did it by conscious decision making, goal setting, making a plan/having a strategy to aim at being reasonably successful... one goal at a time practicing, patiently, persistently and perservering. I made the decision to be willing to be stressed or uncomfortable for a set amount of time, small at first and then more until I got a "generally satisfying life" back. That term sounds weird. But that's how I defined what I was aiming for.
How you define it will be up to you and perhaps my life doesn't sound like you're idea of where you want to be. But I can assure you that it is in line with my core values and the type of person I want to be. You are like I am. I also have no concept of "before trauma". I made the decision that I was a blank canvas and that I could paint on it what ever I wanted. I made a choice to live a self actualized life. I have also chosen to self parent myself and to teach myself what I need to know. I decided I couldn't have make a bigger hash out of it than my parents did. It is slow, systematic, my hobby is my own self improvement and character development. It was my only hobby for a time, but now I'm beginning to get some of the feelings returning. Some personal satisfaction, some peace and calm, some laughter, some smiling, even a bit of happiness and contentment.
You can too.
