5 years ago I found out I was pregnant and so ended the most unhealthy relationship I have ever experienced.
At the time I first met him I was 18 and her was 38, he was strong and commanding and 'worldy', the first night we met he took me out to dinner and drinks, he payed making me feel special. As he was not from the area he booked himself into a hotel for the night, inviting me in for a drink I followed. He came on strong, I resisted but in the end gave in feeling like it wasn't worth the fight and nothing really bad was going to happen, it was just sex after all. He was very rough that night and I got my first insight into his true nature, choking me and leaving bruises all over my body.
After our first meeting he went back to work interstate for 2 weeks allowing the memory of that night to fade, when he came back we started up where we left off.
Over the next year things slowly got worst, he would demand sex whenever he felt the need, elevators, the kitchen, restrooms, the car and if I denied the request I could expect to be hurt until I complied, my head would be slammed into walls, my arms twisted, my body punched and kicked, and the longer I held out the rougher and more painful the eventual sex would be.
One night on the way home from a night out with his friends he pulled the car over and demanded I perform a sexual act for him, I laughed and told him to get lost and get driving; he went completely quiet, turned the ignition of and climbed out the car, he walked around to my seat opening the door, he grabbed me by the hair and forced me out the car, the he proceed to force me to comply before getting back into the car and driving off leaving me to walk the 50 kilometers home. When I arrived home he simply said "next time you won't say no, will you?"
During this time, I started to cut my arm, he once caught me and getting really angry he fetched a kitchen knife and sliced my thighs up laughing that no one would ever believe it was him as I was already a'bat shit crazy'.
The final act that has 'damaged' and stayed with me was just before I found out I was pregnant.
He sat on my forearms, pinning me, stuffed his shirt in my mouth and held my nose until I passed out while two off his friends raped me.
I have many times since that night wished I had never started breathing again.
No one in my world knows my story except my Dr who sought the diagnosis of PTSD, I haven't slept in 4 days due to the night mares, I am afraid to be alone with any man and I know I will never be able to have another relationship again. I spend all my waking hours fearful someone will find out my shameful secrets, but those very same secrets are eating away at me slowly but surly and I am afraid of what is at the end of my story.
At the time I first met him I was 18 and her was 38, he was strong and commanding and 'worldy', the first night we met he took me out to dinner and drinks, he payed making me feel special. As he was not from the area he booked himself into a hotel for the night, inviting me in for a drink I followed. He came on strong, I resisted but in the end gave in feeling like it wasn't worth the fight and nothing really bad was going to happen, it was just sex after all. He was very rough that night and I got my first insight into his true nature, choking me and leaving bruises all over my body.
After our first meeting he went back to work interstate for 2 weeks allowing the memory of that night to fade, when he came back we started up where we left off.
Over the next year things slowly got worst, he would demand sex whenever he felt the need, elevators, the kitchen, restrooms, the car and if I denied the request I could expect to be hurt until I complied, my head would be slammed into walls, my arms twisted, my body punched and kicked, and the longer I held out the rougher and more painful the eventual sex would be.
One night on the way home from a night out with his friends he pulled the car over and demanded I perform a sexual act for him, I laughed and told him to get lost and get driving; he went completely quiet, turned the ignition of and climbed out the car, he walked around to my seat opening the door, he grabbed me by the hair and forced me out the car, the he proceed to force me to comply before getting back into the car and driving off leaving me to walk the 50 kilometers home. When I arrived home he simply said "next time you won't say no, will you?"
During this time, I started to cut my arm, he once caught me and getting really angry he fetched a kitchen knife and sliced my thighs up laughing that no one would ever believe it was him as I was already a'bat shit crazy'.
The final act that has 'damaged' and stayed with me was just before I found out I was pregnant.
He sat on my forearms, pinning me, stuffed his shirt in my mouth and held my nose until I passed out while two off his friends raped me.
I have many times since that night wished I had never started breathing again.
No one in my world knows my story except my Dr who sought the diagnosis of PTSD, I haven't slept in 4 days due to the night mares, I am afraid to be alone with any man and I know I will never be able to have another relationship again. I spend all my waking hours fearful someone will find out my shameful secrets, but those very same secrets are eating away at me slowly but surly and I am afraid of what is at the end of my story.
