Flashbacks When Being Touched

[eske]

I registered on this forum today. Have tried searching for threads about flashbacks being triggered after someone touches you.

Anyway - my problem is that whenever someone touches me and I can't see their face I have flashbacks. I used to be afraid of being touched but now I have learned to "decode" the reason why someone is touching me. For example if there is a handshake, then it would usually be because we don't know each other beforehand.

I do know that it's helpful to "practice" on being in the situation where someone touches me while I can't see their face. The first time I experienced such a situation I think maybe I had a body memory that I couldn't place, which scared me, because I care about the person who touched me and it wasn't his fault that I had such a reaction.

On the other hand I've had flashbacks when there was someone asking me if I would like to be intimate and have sex with them. Those flashbacks have kept me from having sex. Intellectually I know why I have flashbacks, still it is difficult to get further than just "intellectually knowing" because I would need to practice a lot on being in the situations that trigger my flashbacks. Practicing takes time and patience. Is there anyone who have overcome such situations (specifically being touched) and are no longer experiencing flashbacks in those situations?
(My native language is not English. Please tell me to clarify if anything in this post is unclear.)

 

[Maggiemay]

Wow!!! I could have written that myself!!!! Sadly, I haven't found any answers beyond understanding it yet. Hate anyone touching me from behind - I will usually lash out (even if someone I know!) & it'll trigger body memories (every touch feels like it's burning me from& no matter where I'm being touched, it hurts down 'there' A LOT :'( It will also cause flashbacks and cause me to panic.

As with the intimacy, I don't think I'll ever get there as even the thought freaks me out, despite wanting kids :( Boo!!

 

[eske]

Thanks for replying, Maggiemay! I hope that there is a way to lessen the reactions that you have. The reactions are recognizable to me.

Myself I've been in therapy on and off for five years, so I know most of my patterns even though I lack practice in certain situations.
I have a bit of a dilemma, I think, because people react very differently when I explain to them why I fall out (flashbacks and sometimes dissociation) if a touch becomes a trigger. Some people give me space so that I can practice on being comfortable in that situation. Other people seem to come up with their own analyses as to why I have flashbacks, and even though it's nice that they try to analyze, it almost always ends badly because they don't know what's my final limit.

As with the intimacy, I don't think I'll ever get there as even the thought freaks me out, despite wanting kids :( Boo!!

Even if you never go there, I'm quite sure that it's possible to adopt or become a foster parent.

 

[Maggiemay]

That's what I'm starting to think - I know 2 people who adopted recently (both of which were married tho & no trauma involved)

 

[bell]

Just wanted to say that I have flashbacks when being touched, too. I've been able to narrow them down to certain situations, but that doesn't make it any easier. For this reason, (because I've had flashbacks with people that don't know me very well) I'm super cautious getting involved with anyone, and determined to make the next person I'm involved with aware of them before they have the chance to surface. Although I know may cause some people to run, I'd rather open up in a safe environment that one where the response in unknown, y'know?

 

[eske]

Thanks for replying, bell! I'm glad that I'm not the only one who have flashbacks when being touched. Does it work for you when you create that safe environment? I hope so.

 

[ghotiff]

I too have this! And its not just touch, its proximity. If anyone gets too close I can freeze up.

For me I have worked out that I'm okay if a number of conditions are met. For example, if my husband wants to touch me he will verbally ask first, (and he is fine with me saying no). My kids are the same, they will ask first...for them I never say no, but I will sometimes ask them to wait, and they patiently wait knowing from experience that if they can wait a couple of minutes, then they can have a good hug.

Interestingly, I am much better if I initiate the touch. I think this is because I can get my head in the right mode first. So, particularly with my kids I put a big effort to make sure to hug and touch them as much as I can. I know I do this much less than other mums, but I think we are all okay.

The other thing I have to do is limit the time spent touching. I only have a short window in which to touch. I have learnt the hard way if I force myself to push past this window of time, I will pay for it.

 

[bell]

@eske, when I find myself in a safe environment I'll let you know how it goes! :) (It takes a TON of energy and sheer will to be alone with someone, which I hate.) But being triggered into a flashback in front of someone is so embarrassing that I try and avoid it at all costs. Maybe one day...

 

[eske]

Thanks for sharing your experiences, ghotiff and bell! :) I've only just learnt, during the past two years, how to be comfortable when family members hug me. My traumatic experience has nothing to do with them but I think that some family members feel that they have the right to hug me and request hugs from me. Of course I love my family but it took me a while to build patience so that I can now go through with hugs without feeling as if I have to flee. When other people hug me I try to look at myself as an airport, where everything is temporary, and the hugs are temporary as well. It usually works even though sometimes I freeze.

 

[Deleted member 26072]

Welcome to the site. I can say I've overcome it to an extent. I, like you, had flashbacks at the touch of someone I couldn't see or that I wasn't expecting, even if someone accidentally brushed up against my back. But now, I am better with it. I wouldn't say I was completely recovered because at times even when I do expect the touch, it will trigger me. I don't really have much advice though, on how to help. Use that idea of how you look at yourself as an airport, with any kind of touch, it is only temporary.

Sorry I can't offer much more advice, I'm not sure how I got better at handling unexpected touch, I just did. Like what bell said, if you initiate it, it gives you the chance to first of all; be in control, and secondly; you can get the right frame of mind and might not have that feeling of fleeing as much, since you are in theory, wanting to be touched if you initiate it yourself.

Good luck!