I Have No Idea What's Going On In My Mind Right Now...

[RoseKyle]

Hi there, everyone!

So this is my first post, and I really just made an account now because I've been looking online for advice (or at least somewhere to vent and straighten out the things I've been thinking), and came across this site. I really didn't know where to post because of all of the different elements of this - but I think I'm having some sort of panic attack, and at the moment I'm feeling more confused and scared than I have been in a long time...and it doesn't seem very rational.

I've been at home for a while, and have been battling things like major phobias, anxiety, depression, and family problems for years. (I haven't talked to my T about this yet, but I'm like 99% sure I've had a problem with depersonalization for as long back as I can remember) I haven't been getting out much, and am so dependent on my family right now it's insane. I got everywhere with my mom and it's been that way for a few years. I'm currently going to therapy to try and get myself back into "mental shape", as well as emotional.

I am also trying to get back to school, and study what I am passionate about.

So this last Friday I wasn't able to get to sleep until 5 AM, for no reason that I could think of, I felt super anxious. Woke up a few hours later, and decided to pull an all-nighter to finish up an online project. I didn't go to sleep again until Sunday night, and slept well. The next day I had set up an appointment for today to meet some people for an opportunity to work. I figured the reason I couldn't sleep much last night was because I was anxious about the meet. But last night it felt different than just regular nerves. I felt sick, actually nauseated, afraid to go to sleep, and had this overall "impending doom" feeling.

Today I went ahead with the appointment, and it seemed like a great deal...a sort of "internship" thing, without being a real internship - just experience. I was really excited about it. However, this evening I'm starting to feel frightened as hell and I don't know why. I tend to internalize a lot, I over analyze sometimes, but I also try to listen to my instincts; but it feels all clouded right now.

I can't tell if I'm afraid right now because: I'm scared I'll take this job and mess up. Or I'm frightened to do something like this by myself. Or if my gut is telling me not to trust these people, because in reality it could be a pretty shady thing since I don't actually know them. I could just be having major major anxiety about something else and it's just clouding my judgment on this because I feel terrible at the moment. (But even if the last option is the case, what does that say about actually taking the job? Am I really mentally sound enough to do this or not? I really would love an opportunity like the one I have sitting in front of me right now, but I just have such a strong impending-doom feeling that I don't know if I should. If I should take the risk and do it even when I feel like this, or should I risk missing this opportunity.

Sorry for the novel, I know you can't give me straight "do this" or "do that" answers, but I just need a little advice or clarity or something. I'm freaking out so bad and I can't talk to my T for a while. It's not a huge huge life decision but when I internalize like this it seems so huge and it makes me feel like it is a huge life decision. I'm just so mixed up.

Thanks for reading all the way through if anyone did :) I hope it wasn't too mixed up and crazy...

RK

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@RoseKyle firstly welcome to the Forum.

You will soon realise that we are more like a family on here and very very supportive of each other. You will find a great deal of help here from the articles and threads. Also hope to see you in chat at some point.

:hug:s from the UK if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums and :hug:s if you accept :)

It's good that you got a supportivw surrounding, that makes everything easier. I am not quite sure of advice to give, but there are others who can, so I suggest stayong on foruns.

As laurie said, we are like a biiiig family here, caring about eachother, worrying, and giving people support they need. So welcome to these forums and hopefully this place helps you like it has helped me, or others who came here.

 

[Friday]

Welcome. Do you have PTSD, or does your therapist suspect PTSD if you're undiagnosed?

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi there, everyone!

So this is my first post, and I really just made an account now because I've been...

I think we all know how you must feel, it is very common to have disturbed sleeping patterns with this disease. One can only try to get rest when it is possible and when the mind is not overstimulated. That is very very tough at times.
With your new job, it helps to voice your nervousness to a supervisor. It may remind the supervisor that on a first day, or a couple of first days the employee is extremely nervous.

 

[abbynormal1929]

I cant speak for everyone, but I would guess many people on this site are no strangers to feelings of impending doom, depresonalization, distrust, or other interpersonal anxiety. (I'm fairly new to the site myself). I know this may seem like a go to response, but I have had a lot of luck with deep breathing, and muscle relaxation. Many people have their own version of it but I like to start by inhaling for five secconds, holding my breath for five secconds, and exhaling for five secconds. It helps regulate the levels of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your system. Then, sitting comfortably, I breathe normally (which is easier after the first part) I try and relax my whole body, but for me the important ones are neck, jaw, and shoulder muscles. Then I count: one, two, in my head for a little while. but I don't just think of the numbers, I immagine actual voices saying the numbers in my head. As silly as this might sound: I've had the best luck with whispers, and brittish accents. Again, this is just what helps me a bit, and it by no means works completely, just helps. It helps me get a more neutral prospective on life situations. And cant emphisize enough: different things work for different people. Also I apologize if this is all stuff you have heard before lol