Relationship He Doesn't Want To Be Happy?

[journey31]

And he might well be. Because a death is a really horrible thing and can spin the most healthy of peop...

I'm just so worried. I've seen him bad but never like this. And I know the death was probably what pushed him over the edge.
I don't even know how to try anymore. It seems like the more I offer support, the more distant he gets.
And when we discuss things I don't really point out the behavior, I ask questions so he has to realize it on his own. I don't want him to feel attacked. He normally will change the subject. But it seems lately all we talk about is him. And I don't want that. Because with him, it'll make it worse. But I don't try to. He twists everything to me wanting to fix him. He keeps saying that over and over. So of course it starts the conversation.

I want him back. The non symptomatic him. And my friend did say that. She said the "other woman" is alcohol.

 

[Dawn W]

We've had lots of relationship issues with him pushing me away. The other day I asked him "do you not...

Not from my personal experience, but this summarizes my loved ones detachment.
He is truly a compassionate and sensitive man. The tasks required of him through combat have taken their toll.

He says he has felt like a monster. Truly unlovable and undeserving of happiness and love. It seems it is a regular struggle for him.

I reassure him regularly that he has been affected, but this doesn't change the fact that he is a kind and decent human.

I believe the stigma of overly religious view points play in to these fears. "Thou shalt to kill." This one resonates with him. "If there is a God," he says, "I'm surely going to hell."

He is not a monster. He has difficulty expressing positive emotions. I understand where his heart is coming from. I tell him to search his soul, not religion for answers.

 

[journey31]

Not from my personal experience, but this summarizes my loved ones detachment.
He is truly a compassionat...

At least you've got a starting point. Mine just things he's a failure at everything. Horrible self esteem

 

[Dawn W]

At least you've got a starting point. Mine just things he's a failure at everything. Horrible self est...

Try just holding him. Be extra gentle. Tell him you see beyond the trauma he's experienced. Let him know it's okay if he doesn't have anything he feels like saying.

 

[Dawn W]

This is helping me. I'm so used to being afraid of happiness, as others on this thread are explainin...

I try to take in moments. My day may be sh$&, but I'll have a moment of laughter or a thought pop in for a second. I try to focus on those. It gets me through.

 

[journey31]

Try just holding him. Be extra gentle. Tell him you see beyond the trauma he's experienced. Let him know...

He won't even see me right now. He's barely even speaking to me

 

[Dawn W]

He won't even see me right now. He's barely even speaking to me

Consider writing him a letter. Tell him three things you love about him. Tell him that because you care for him you will give him his space to figure things out. Then just wait. Let him figure it out. Give him time and let him contact you and find a good friend you can lean on and cry with, because doing this is extremely hard.

 

[journey31]

Consider writing him a letter. Tell him three things you love about him. Tell him that because you care f...

I did that. I sent on fb messenger. That's actually when he came back with the I don't care about being happy.
I sent him a text today telling him to be careful at work. And he did respond.
I did that every day for almost six months. He always responded. And almost immediately. Thanking me and telling me about his previous shift if he didn't already tell me.
And he stopped responding to them. That was my first clue something was off.

 

[Jasper]

We've had lots of relationship issues with him pushing me away. The other day I asked him "do you not...

Being happy is what we want the most but in the exact same heartbeat it is what terrifies us the most. Just like touch--your body may crave it but your trauma prevents you from being able to experience it.

 

[journey31]

Being happy is what we want the most but in the exact same heartbeat it is what terrifies us the most. Ju...

Yeah. That fits. We used to talk about sex all the time but never do it.
Finally it happened and he ignored me for days then said he can't do it again.

 

[journey31]

Being happy is what we want the most but in the exact same heartbeat it is what terrifies us the most. Ju...

Since I can't edit now for some reason I'll add in this was months ago. And we've still talked and seen each other. Didn't want it to look like he used me and left.

 

[Knak]

He has said he's afraid of getting hurt

So are you his doctor?
If you want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or marriage forget it. It's living death to be stuck with someone like that. I can't wait to die because my spouse loves to hurt me me especially if I am happy, but he occasionally engenders hope so I don't leave him and he would have to find another victim. Today he did something to make me think he may have heard me, or maybe a mutual friend told him I wonder if I should find someone else, or that I don't think life is worth living, or that I don't understand why God never gives me a reprieve from the pain.