Addicted To The Adrenaline Of It All..

[InvisibleSun]

Hello all! So I'm still very early on into my treatment but I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks reflecting on my life with PTSD and how its changed me as a person. They say that people with PTSD can get addicted to the adrenaline rush they experience with their traumas..and looking back on my years with PTSD, I am beginning to wonder whether or not I am addicted to the adrenaline rush. For the past 10 years, my life has centered around searching for the ultimate adrenaline rush, whether it be with drugs, sex, reckless overindulgence, risk taking behavior or just the complete abandonment all together of any self preservation or self worth I may have. Although my life is in a better place than in previous years, I feel like I need chaos to feel normal. Am I the only one?!

 

[Chava]

I feel like I need chaos to feel normal. Am I the only one?!

NO. I knew I was an adrenaline addict long before I understood any connection to trauma. I can feel it...I get really wired and "alive" and get a lot of stuff done and feel better with bigger challenges. As soon as I burnt myself out I just felt dead (took several years of this and lots of overworking and running on fumes, which felt normal). I'm looking for the middle ground where I can feel alive without needing excess amount of adrenaline to just be a human, having a life, doing regular stuff. It's a very challenging and confusing transformation.

 

[Friday]

:D

The trick is to make it fun & healthy stuff, instead of self destructive stuff.

 

[RussH]

Yes risky behavior seems to go hand and hand with PTSD, and I am not sure if it is the adrenaline rush, or just an-unconscious desire to end it all.
The one thing I do know is; it is one thing to understand you are participating in risky behavior, and why, it is another thing to stop it.

 

[InvisibleSun]

Thanks for the responses! It's definitely been a long road for me..I'm finally starting to get back into my hobbies again and learning to channel my energy into more positive outlets. Therapy has been helping me tremendously and I feel like I'm on the right track for, like, the first time ever..so I'm just trying to roll with that for now..

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think if you need the adrenaline then your ptsd manifests differently than mine. The constant, unpredictable adrenaline rushes.....suck. I'd kill to have no adrenaline at all....

 

[Chava]

I think if you need the adrenaline then your ptsd manifests differently than mine. The constant, unpredictable adrenaline rushes.....suck. I'd kill to have no adrenaline at all....

I think for many people it's the slowing down that feels dreadful...I easily feel trapped, smothered, immobilized. So for years and years I channeled all that excess energy into a frenzy of activities, accepted chaos in my life, and even maintained the high with lots of cigarettes and coffee. Slowing down or feeling like I will have to stop moving is the scary part. But the panic attack surges I can live without. I'd love to get out of my shutdown place and back to the constant high adrenaline, even if it was a life loaded with distractions, but I've developed arrhythmias and all sorts of uncomfortable symptoms that wrecked it for me. I had to slow down and it has been extremely dreadful and painful.

 

[InvisibleSun]

DEFINITELY relate to the adrenaline rushes! Meds have helped control that but it was ridiculous for quite some time.. @Chava ...slowing down is the hardest part..I had to recently take a step back and clear my plate myself after my symptoms started getting severe and PTSD was taking me to a very...dangerous place. I had been maintaining for a long time, but I was a nervous wreck and stopped being able to hide my symptoms. The adrenaline rushes made me feel like I was having a heart attack everyday..and when I didn't feel like I was dying...I just wanted to punch something. But I didn't. :)