Relationship Anxiety/dp/dr/panic Attack Will Sacrifice Her/his Love ?

[Deleted member 20280]

I agree with the others on tthus thread, you need to seek professional therapist help and to research the PTSD Cup fully.

Lauriw

 

[Alfred]

Hello Guys!

Just want to update my story.

Yesterday we have a meet up for dinner. We settled out everything, the anxiety and the feelings she get in Cambodia is true, but it is entirely unrelated to our relationship/ or maybe a little bit, she said that last month she had almost fully recovered. Since she had move into full christian life, she had find peace and herself, and her attitude changed, she started to think of herself rather than think for others because in the past she was thinking for others only. Well it might be good for her in the future.

Our relationship broken is due to attitude problem, maybe at the starting we should not be together, at that time she was stress at work, and she needs accompany and caring maybe, and i gave her all she wants, that time got other colleagues was chasing her and even better than me, but instead she choose me, maybe she just got all the feelings to me that time, and i believe when we were together, she was so in love with me, she admitted that, but when times passes, it comes to reality, she might thinks that i am immature enough for her, and i was thinking to love a person should have try to sustain and keep on going, but actually it wasn't, what she said is correct, maybe at the past i did something that she don't like but she keen to let me do so because she was only think for the others.

We was in tears when we were talking, i can't let go of her, she feel guilty of dragging our relationship for the beginning until the end, she stays so firm for her decision, she wants to move on for herself and hope i will move on too, she holds no chances for our future is because she don't want me to feel hopeless at the end, she hope that we can be friend back and don't be too sad about our past, she feel thankful that i take care of her for that particular months, we had a very serious yet gorgeous relationship that we had never been, but still, love is no right or wrong, we do not care how other people gonna judge us, but i won't want her to let other people saying her bad words, i admitted i still can't let go of her, but instead of giving her happiness, i love her, i will let her go to do what she wants, i don't dare to think about future whether we got the chance to be together or not, but if we are destined to be together, we will be together.

Well, it takes some time for me to move on, but at least i felt relief because i do not have questions around whether is because of anxiety or because of attitude, whatever will be, will be. Thank you guys for giving me great advise even though i am not listening, but as i said, when i get an honest answer from her face to face, give a closure, and this is our ending of our relationship. :)

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Alfred, good for you that you were able to hear out how she's feeling and accept it, even though it's hard to lose her. Glad to hear you got some resolution for not understanding what was happening for her.

 

[ladee]

The end of relationships are so hard and hurt so much.... I am so happy to hear you are trying to move forward.... really loving her by letting her go. You are one awesome man Alfred, and I hope others see your post and see what true love is... thank you for sharing with us..

 

[Alfred]

Alfred, good for you that you were able to hear out how she's feeling and accept it, even though it's har...

It was so, so tough to end it. I don't know it takes how long to forget it completely, or maybe not. :(

 

[Alfred]

The end of relationships are so hard and hurt so much.... I am so happy to hear you are trying to move for...

Very very hard, until now i still can't let go, i wanted to forget her, but the memories can't, i keep on regret of my own action i wanna beg her but failed to do so because she was too firm about her decision. I am so so sad.

 

[ladee]

It is so hard, and I understand.. that doesn't help your hurting heart, but know that others have felt that pain, and some how, some way, over time, we survived.... hope you have a T to work with, if not, maybe searching out someone who can help you thru this will help. am sending you :hug: if you accept them.... keep sharing, that helps too... hang in there..

 

[Alfred]

I wanted to beg for giving me a chance, she don't want anymore because in the past she give her ex 4 chances, but why now don't want to me give me a single chance? my wrong doesn not so wrong like her past that betrayed her, our problem is just attitude problem, but why, why?

 

[Alfred]

Hey Guys.

We break-up for two weeks already, first week i am suffering like hell, second week i tried my best to make my schedule as full as possible and she went for vacation with her families, she live happily. I tried my best not to think about her.


But today, the feeling comes back again. I am still feeling that the break up was too shocking. The reason for break-ups actually an excuses, and those reasons are all my weaknesses, and all these reasons that she don't mind at all when we were still together. Many of my friends said that it was not my fault, i did my very best. She is the one who lost the feelings. But it was so weird when she can be so fast lost her feelings completely in one month time. Her attitude changed since she completely goes into full christian life, she just want to live for herself and sacrifice the relationships. Last time she not even love to go to the church and so on, she loves freedom, but since after the cambodia case (anxiety feelings), she feels nobody can help her only she goes fully into christian life, but when after she fully recovered, she lost feelings of us, and she loves to be herself. Before we break up and she said she lost feelings to me, she told me but she don know why she will lost the feelings to me too in a sudden but she knows that she loves me so much. she tried to maintain but the anxiety feelings attack her all the time, this is what make me confused.


But at the end, she looks different and happier without me after we break up. She seems like forget completely for our past relationship that were so happy and memorable for both of us that we both will not wanted to leave each other until the cambodia incident. I can't accept that we end the relationship with this. I am still thinking want to give her a happy new year wishes upcoming days, and im thinking wanna buy a birthday present for her since her birthday is on next month.


Can anybody gives me some advice for that? Thanks a lot. :(

 

[Justmehere]

Alfred,
Breakups are miserable. Pure and simple. There are many songs about breakups because they are so painful and often take time to work through. It's good you are reaching out.

But at the end, she looks different and happier without me after we break up. She seems like forget completely for our past relationship that were so happy and memorable for both of us that we both will not wanted to leave each other until the cambodia incident.

Chances are, she is going through her own grieving process too. Try not to imagine what her feelings are or are not, and focus on your process to let her go.

I am still thinking want to give her a happy new year wishes upcoming days, and im thinking wanna buy a birthday present for her since her birthday is on next month.

If she said she didn't want any contact, best to respect that, or any other boundaries she set.

You are taking a lot of good steps to cope with the pain and feelings, it's going to take time for things to get better, but they very likely will.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @Alfred - I've merged your threads together so it's easier to follow your story, and moved them into the Supporters Forum because I'm assuming that it's your girlfriend who has PTSD. Is that correct?

But it was so weird when she can be so fast lost her feelings completely in one month time.

If you read other threads in this section, you'll see that it's something many supporters struggle with. Sometimes, it's because of symptoms. And sometimes, it's just a breakup. I can tell you, it's totally possible for someone to stop having feelings for someone else after a day, let alone a month, when things aren't right. I'm not saying that's your situation, but it could be.

But at the end, she looks different and happier without me after we break up. She seems like forget completely for our past relationship that were so happy and memorable for both of us that we both will not wanted to leave each other until the cambodia incident. I can't accept that we end the relationship with this.

Ultimately, my advice is that you will have to accept it - she might have had a different view of things. I know that's super-painful, but it seems like it might be the case here.

 

[Alfred]

Alfred,
Breakups are miserable. Pure and simple. There are many songs about breakups because they are...

I hear a lot of songs, all sad songs. I am trying very very best to move on seriously. I know love a person should have let her happy. Not let me happy only. But the past relationship we had, it was so impossible to break up since she said before that she felt shocked and accident to fall in love and be in a relationship with me and she said to me before she gonna appreciate every moment with me and I will be the last guy that she wanna fall in love with. I do trust her.

She is way too special. Even though our attitude is not so matching but she loves me that deeply before. But sometimes fates are fates. The PTSD things that she get it unfortunately, and the way she get into christian life fully and changed her mind. It was so unacceptable because we loved each other so deeply until we will wanted to try to keep our relationship going on all the time because we both treated our relationship as our LAST one until the end.

She did not say that better dont contact or dont be friend. She wants me to move on and be friend. But if i can't accept to be friend back please tell her and so we can avoid each other a while at the moment. She don't want me to be feel suffering if be friend back is unacceptable for me, she thanks me for saying out break up and make an ending for both of us. She said also she need time to forgive herself and move on. She finds relief after the pain from PTSD or anxiety, and need to be alone and be herself and don't want to be in a relationship. But I don't understand why she lost feelings in a sudden, and just wanted to know is she still loving me or not.

I'm just try my best so, so HARD. Keep going, but i wanted to wish her, wanted to give her present. and so on. :')