Relationship Anxiety/dp/dr/panic Attack Will Sacrifice Her/his Love ?

[Alfred]

Hi @Alfred - I've merged your threads together so it's easier to follow your stor...

Correct. Thanks for merging my post and sorry for troublesome.

Yes. I can assured that her attitude had changed, her views are completely different from before, this is what break up there. But i thought that when you loves a person that much, no matter how hard, we will always try our best to sustain the relationships, but that time when she having anxiety or ptsd, she is so suffering because she only feel uncomfortable and unwell to me and she don't know why it will be, she told me she tried so hard to sustain our relationship for weeks, but at last she said she very suffering due to the feelings and the lost feelings to me without any reason, even asked for temporary break but at the end she said she fully recovered and don't want to drag it anymore, thats the end.

I can't do anything. I am regret that i did not treat her good enough or taking care of her. I love her. I wanted to chase her back, but i know now is not a right time. I just want her to be happy.

 

[Alfred]

Anybody can give me some suggestion after look all my life story here?

1. New year is coming soon. If i wanted to send my wishes to her, is that necessary or not necessary? and why?
2. Her birthday is on next month 22nd January 2016. Should i buy a present for her and send her wishes without letting her know is me? or just as usual? or don't give at all and why?
3. As your information, we are going Japan together with her friends. We didn cancelled our trip and we still go Japan on 23rd of January, (my birthday on 31st of January). I am trying to let go of this trip but at the same time i don't want her to feel guilty and let her feel that i am immature of letting go this trip, but somehow what should i do during the trip?

Please give me some suggestion. Need it so badly. Thanks.

 

[digger]

1. New year is coming soon. If i wanted to send my wishes to her, is that necessary or not necessary?

It's not necessary, but as she seems to still consider you a friend, then a simple 'Happy New Year!' that you might send to any of your other friends would be fine.

2. Her birthday is on next month 22nd January 2016. Should i buy a present for her and send her wishes without letting her know is me? or just as usual? or don't give at all

I'm not sure why you'd send a friend an anonymous birthday present? Treat her birthday as you would treat birthdays of your other friends. Send a card if that's what you do usually. Send a present if you normally send your friends presents. But don't treat her as you would a girlfriend - she doesn't want that.

are going Japan together with her friends. We didn cancelled our trip and we still go Japan on 23rd of January, (my birthday on 31st of January). I am trying to let go of this trip

By 'let go of this trip' do you mean cancel your part of it? I honestly think that would be the best option.

It's clear that you are having a difficult time accepting that she no longer wants to be in a relationship. Your threads read as being a bit obsessive about it, although some of that may be down to using a second language. Really though, I think you need to let it go.

It sounds like she's been really pretty clear on what she wants. I know it's not what you wanted to hear from her but you need to respect that, whatever her reasons, she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

She did not say that better dont contact or dont be friend. She wants me to move on and be friend. But if i can't accept to be friend back please tell her and so we can avoid each other a while at the moment. She don't want me to be feel suffering if be friend back is unacceptable for me,

If you don't feel that you are able to remain friends with her without it tearing you up that it's not more than that, then maybe a complete break is for the best.

 

[Alfred]

It's not necessary, but as she seems to still consider you a friend, then a simple 'Happy New Year...

For your 1st reply and 2nd reply, I got it. Thanks for your advice. Yes i should treat her as friend but i still do have feelings to her and i still do love her.

For 3rd reply, yes cancel my part. But if i let go of the japan trip, im worried that her friends would have bad words on her. Anyway in japan trip i can act like normal friends and some of her friends are my friends too and they hope that i can let go and go together too. Would this be a mature decision for me to let everyone feel happy and enjoy the trip? I will try my best to handle my emotions.

For 4th reply. I know she dont want to be in a relationship right now as she finds back herself and find back peace, she just want be herself and i thought every couples that break up, normally it will be hard to be friend back because of the feelings are still there. When i said to unfriend her, my friend will said that i am immature and not gentleman enough, and maybe she will feel even guilty and sad that she lost a friend like me because she said before i am a good guy and hope that can't lost a friend like me.

What should i do?

 

[Ed Norton]

Like I said in chat...once a woman loses it, it's forever gone.

 

[Ed Norton]

You're locked in this stage as you hear it doesn't work