Anyone else feel guilty?

RussellSue

Not Active
It sounds odd, but I get joy if I can help someone else, yet I'm not very good at helping myself.
That doesn't sound odd to me, at all. I am the same way.

At present, my main focus is helping my husband get through grad school and his first year as a public school teacher but it doesn't seem like nearly enough after the things I have been involved in previously, such as being a volunteer caregiver, etc. I have a lot of confusion about my own purpose here. It seems like something good ought to come out of all of this but what precisely that may be is a lot harder to imagine.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I know I survived for a reason, I believed that reason was to raise my son and care for my mom in her later years. I suppose now my reason is to care for my cats. There must be more to it than that.

Minds/brains are complex, especially with emotions added in. Why I wasn't one of the 112 who lost their lives, I'll never make sense of. Life is random. I hoped I would find peace or understanding someday, instead, I gave myself tons of stress and confusion. I've spent half a lifetime trying to "get myself together". I won't give up because the answer is somewhere, I just need to find it.

It sounds odd, but I get joy if I can help someone else, yet I'm not very good at helping myself.
I'm only just learning how to help myself and how to be kind to myself at the age of 44.

That doesn't sound odd to me, at all. I am the same way.

At present, my main focus is helping my husband get through grad school and his first year as a public school teacher but it doesn't seem like nearly enough after the things I have been involved in previously, such as being a volunteer caregiver, etc. I have a lot of confusion about my own purpose here. It seems like something good ought to come out of all of this but what precisely that may be is a lot harder to imagine.
I think that when we've been on the rollercoaster ride of PTSD it can take a long time to find ourselves again. We have to be patient with ourselves.
 

Kittie

Confident
That doesn't sound odd to me, at all. I am the same way.

At present, my main focus is helping my husband get through grad school and his first year as a public school teacher but it doesn't seem like nearly enough after the things I have been involved in previously, such as being a volunteer caregiver, etc. I have a lot of confusion about my own purpose here. It seems like something good ought to come out of all of this but what precisely that may be is a lot harder to imagine.
I completely understand that. I hope you and other seekers find the purpose and the peace that comes with it!

I think that when we've been on the rollercoaster ride of PTSD it can take a long time to find ourselves again. We have to be patient with ourselves.
I've come to the conclusion that I may never know and that I'll just have to accept life as it is. The best improvement I can make is to create my own purpose.
 

Kittie

Confident
what did you mean when you said 'that you may never know'? You don't have to answer.
Just that I may never find the answer I'm hoping to find. Life is like a deck of cards. I got a red card instead of a black one that day. No scientific reason, just random luck. I've also wondered if I haven't already fulfilled my purpose by caring for my family until the end.

I'm still here, so there must be more to my existence and I'd like to spend the rest of it looking forward with hope instead of looking back with regret. I know I wasn't meant to live out my life with guilt. I'll chase that peaceful rainbow until I catch it or cross it.
 
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