DID DID/OSDD: How do you guys deal with traumatized child parts?

[Freemartin]

So, my question is more or less this:
I've got this kid part who gets really dysregulated. He's scared about a lot of things, screams, wants to isolate and whatnot. Other parts react to his screaming and shit starts hitting the fan. Obviously, I need to find ways to help the kid part calm down.

And herein lies the problem: he doesn't respond to my efforts. Or if he does, he does it by freaking out even more. I've read some books and articles on managing parts stuff, and mainly the advice I've come across is this: imagine you were dealing with real children and act accordingly. Well, it doesn't work. He shuts down or freaks out.

I've figured that the reason behind this is simple: he is no normal kid. He can be compared to a severely traumatized child who gets really phobic when approached. He has serious attachment issues and only gets more frightened when something involving connection is tried. But every method of helping kids calm down that I can come up with includes talking, touching etc. Which, as I said, makes the kid freak out more.

So, what do you suggest? Do you have similar issues? What have you guys found helpful?

 

[Ronin]

Does he have anything as comforting routines, spaces he is fine with, sensory stuff that calms him down that is not touch?

I usually approach those things as I would either a traumatized, or autistic kid, or any overlap of that. So outside of high social engagements, touch, speech :wtf: and the like. Meeting sensory and sensory comfort needs as much as can be, and building from that.

And: What helped you feel better, when an actual child?

 

[Reflections]

I don't have child parts to my knowledge so I don't have experience with this.

It crossed my mind that maybe connection with people it too overwhelming, but connection with animals, plushes, blanket, music, cookies, or the senses would be easier. There are therapies that involves horses or dogs that can be helpful with kids and adults having a hard time connecting with people.

 

[ILoveLife]

Have you created a safe space for him?
Have you just asked your other parts to have patience with him, let him scream for a while, let it all out, don't try to change him yet?
Does he have a carer/protector?

 

[Freemartin]

Thanks, @Ronin , @Reflections and @Sietz! Awesome advice.

I usually approach those things as I would either a traumatized, or autistic kid

Can you give me some examples? Sorry, I'm not very familiar with these things.

What helped you feel better, when an actual child?

I gave this some thought today. I don't remember much, but what I do remember is that I very often used pain to regulate my feelings. (Hand-biting, head-punching/banging, scratching and later on cutting etc.) I guess it's not something we want to encourage now... But, I also used to squeeze things like pillows or stuffed animals against my chest. That could be an option. Coloring, maybe.

Have you created a safe space for him?

Eh, yeah, this safe space thing is a bit tricky. I haven't been able to create those - for some reason I tend to get scared and dissociated whenever I try to think about safety. I could think about a protected space, as @Swift calls them. I'll give it some thought.

Have you just asked your other parts to have patience with him, let him scream for a while, let it all out, don't try to change him yet?

Wow, this is brilliant. And something that never crossed my mind. I guess I need to do some work with those parts as well.

Again, thank you all!

 

[shimmerz]

Have you noticed a change in your physical state right before he comes out?

I did a few things for different parts. Each was different.
1. This part needed a teddy bear. And I took a teddy bear with me wherever I went.
2. The one who was terrified of cold I used to try to make sure I had warmth with me and trained myself to take a shower (hot/warm) when I felt it come out.
3. One I used to take driving with me. I had a picture of her leaning up on the stick shift and shared good times driving. Driving was the safest place I had at that point.

There was more but I will leave it at that to see if that resonates with you at all first.

 

[Freemartin]

Thanks, @shimmerz ! I guess I haven’t really paid attention to my physical state in those situations. Now that I think of it, I often feel cold. So maybe warmth would work for me too.

Also, I feel threatened and exposed when he’s present, so dealing with that somehow might be an idea.

 

[whiteraven]

And herein lies the problem: he doesn't respond to my efforts. Or if he does, he does it by freaking out even more. I've read some books and articles on managing parts stuff, and mainly the advice I've come across is this: imagine you were dealing with real children and act accordingly. Well, it doesn't work. He shuts down or freaks out.

Have you asked him how you can help? Tell him you know he is (angry, hurt, sad) and let him know you are there to help, whatever he needs?

 

[Freemartin]

Sorry for the delay, @whiteraven .
I’ve tried asking him what he needs, how I could help etc, but he really only gets more scared if I do that. It actually makes sense because as a kid I was punished for needing/wanting things. So it basically feels like a trap.

I think I need to make some progress in gaining his trust before I can address this issue.

Thanks for asking, though.

 

[shimmerz]

Freematin, I had a child part just kind of a pier one night. I really hadn’t had any kind of experience with an on trusting part at that point. The long and the short of it was I ended up giving him my teddy bear until he was ready to come outperiods That was years ago

Pretty sure that was the part that I started talking to you once I got my housing semi sorted out. I’m trying to integrate him now. I see him but I am a female. Not sure why him comes to mind. Not sure how gender plays into this at all.

Anyways, just wondering if you could send a peace offering of some sort. Something to keep your other parts feeling at least a form of connection.

Not sure if this is helpful to you at all but if not please just ignore. Best of luck to you in this. Parts are hard work aren’t they?

 

[Freemartin]

a peace offering of some sort

Hmm, yes, this I will look into. Thanks!

Parts are hard work aren’t they?

Mm-hmm, yep.