Happy f*cking Father's Day! Dad

[Muzikluvr]

Wouldn't it be nice if there were Father's Day cards that could say it for us? You know, not just the sentimental cards for the dad's who were always there for their kids.

Where are the cards that say:
________________________________________

Happy f*cking Father's Day, Dad

Blow it out your ear you great windbag of worthless, selfish, brown-nosing, egotistical, narcissism!

Abandonment hurts, doesn't it?
___________________________________________

 

[Heather]

Yea - I have nothing nice to say about my father either. Asshole!!:vomit:

 

[Muzikluvr]

Happy Father's Day, Everyone

 

[cherryblossom]

I find it quite heartbreaking to hear just how many parents let their kids down, by either not protecting them, or by perpetrating abuse.I'm just glad that you have broken free from your Dads'

I realise how lucky I am to have amazing and supportive parents. My Dad rocks!! At 72, he drives over with my Mum, for us all to go out to lunch, and later, after the 'girls' have had a few glasses of wine with lunch and talk about 'boring, women's gossip', he weeds my garden and washes my car!!

Just a reminder that not all men are bad.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I love that your dad does that! I'm so glad you have a good relationship with your parents.

My husband is my example of a good father. He engages our children in activities, protects them, nurtures them.

If you look in other media, on Father's Day, there aren't a lot of places to express the sadness of not being able to give your father the sentimental cards... because they aren't true about him. It hurts me probably more than it hurts him. So, I just wanted to create a space where it's okay to trash your father on Father's Day.

The holidays are so hard on those of us who cannot go home for Christmas... and it's not just the big holidays, but stores are constantly tugging on heartstrings to purchase stuff for family. It's overwhelming, for me. You've seen me struggling with wanting to confront, hoping they'll love me again, realizing that they aren't ever going to get it, and trying to accept it all over again. Holidays often bring that up in me.

Father's Day isn't just about good dads, because children with lousy fathers exist too. Just voicing it to our selfish society who ignores abuse and celebrates going along to get along far too often.

 

[cherryblossom]

You are entirely valid in wanting a space to trash Father's day - go for it. And I wasn't trying to invalidate your feelings, or trying to make you feel bad for hurt you feel with regards to Father's day. I totally hear what you are saying, and I really feel your hurt.

My bad for taking your topic off subject.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I was fine at first.. then got wound up... then ended badly. Had to dash out and help clean the chickens for 4-H fair, when I got back, I re-read it and thought... I went too far in response. I wanted to take at least the last two lines off, but couldn't although only 35 min had passed...

:)I really am glad to hear you have a good relationship with your parents. :)

:goingtocry:I'm jealous... (tears):goingtocry:

I always thought that I would take care of my parents in their old age... part of the "I'll make them love me" mentality. My daughter is SUPER sensitive and especially empathetic. I think that I was like her before the trauma. Afterward, I was still like that, but it was hard to tell because of PTSD,:banghead: and living in constant confusion; sometimes safe and sound, sometimes in real danger.

So, anyway... I'm one of those good daughters, who loves her daddy. But, his denial puts me in harm's way repeatedly, and I'm bitter about it since I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him. Jealousy again,:( that good daughters with good fathers are recognized as good daughters.

Please don't take it personally. I didn't mean it personally. Just another of those inappropriate things that don't fit in to any other place in our society. I got upset with society because I feel like since I'm angry with my dad, then I'm not allowed to voice it because it will only reflect poorly on me. Which pisses me off for what I hope are obvious reasons. I didn't CHOOSE this, as my dad says I did. HE CHOSE it. And I suffer for it... but only because I care enough to. If I could just become indifferent toward him:reading:... I would stop suffering.:cry:

Dad just wants to collect me like a trophy, throw me in with his other trophies and expect me to get along with the abusive ones. He has no idea what he's missing out on. 5 yrs ago, in therapy, he said "I never knew you loved me so much". He still doesn't get it.:(

 

[Nyx]

He still doesn't get it.:(

He will never get it.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you need to start accepting this if you are to start getting better. Be angry with him, swear at him, do whatever it takes to help you get those feeling out, but stop being the good daughter for a father who doesn't know what it means to be a father. Don't stay hung up in something you know is no good for you, work on setting yourself free.

I say all of the above with the best of intentions. I say them with the bitterness of a daughter who wanted approval all her life and never got it. I say this because I know people like them are not capable of feeling what we need them to and are not able to own up to their mistakes. It's up to us to move on...

 

[Nicolette]

Wouldn't it be nice if there were Father's Day cards that could say it for us? You know, not just the sentimental cards for the dad's who were always there for their kids.

I found a Mother's Day one which was the last one which I sent.

The front said: From the Stork who brought Me here

The inside said: Sorry, No Refunds.

Without any obscenities it politely said for me where to stick it.

I got upset with society because I feel like since I'm angry with my dad, then I'm not allowed to voice it because it will only reflect poorly on me. Which pisses me off for what I hope are obvious reasons. I didn't CHOOSE this, as my dad says I did. HE CHOSE it. And I suffer for it... but only because I care enough to. If I could just become indifferent toward him:reading:... I would stop suffering.:cry:

I would like to know what makes you think you can't voice how you feel and why it would only reflect poorly on you? If anyone reacted like that knowing all the facts I would think they would be the type of people whose opinion didn't matter in your life anyway.

You do have a choice to stop your suffering - you can choose to let go with love. You have to take care of yourself first and if you can't love yourself you can't love anyone else. On this basis, for your own well being, as you said "it would stop your suffering" then the wise thing to do is put yourself first.

I had to be the "good" daughter but was always in trouble behind closed doors. Don't let it keep destroying your life when you now hold the power to change it. You are no longer a little girl, you are in control of your life and good is a definition which can be interpreted differently depending on the bias.

He will never get it.

Agreed. But if you do then you can do something to make it better for you.

I say all of the above with the best of intentions. I say them with the bitterness of a daughter who wanted approval all her life and never got it. I say this because I know people like them are not capable of feeling what we need them to and are not able to own up to their mistakes. It's up to us to move on...

Ditto to the above quote. I totally have the same sentiments as Nyx.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I found a Mother's Day one which was the last one which I sent.

The front said: From the Stork who brought Me here

The inside said: Sorry, No Refunds.

Without any obscenities it politely said for me where to stick it.

ROFL! :lmao: I love that! I might have to make my own card with that message on it to send next year, or maybe I'll skip it! I think they already know I'm done with them.

I would like to know what makes you think you can't voice how you feel and why it would only reflect poorly on you? If anyone reacted like that knowing all the facts I would think they would be the type of people whose opinion didn't matter in your life anyway.

All my life my dad has been telling people an appropriate sob story about what a difficult child I have been to raise, how I've broken his heart... blah, blah, blah.. and I often tried to deny it, but the only way to really tell them that he's wrong about me is to tell them more info than I'm willing to share. That's how I feel about people who ask me about my family. If I'm honest, I don't speak to them... or I don't want to see them... I get a lot of responses like "Oh, honey life's too short to let an argument... blah blah blah!, or "It's not healthy to hold grudges." You know? So I feel like, well if you knew what they did to me you might not be saying that... and then I think do I really want to tell them all that? Is it really any of their business? And, what are they going to choose to do with that info once its out of my control?

I think that even if they do sympathize with me and understand why I don't speak to my dad... they'll still not want to associate with me after that... AND, they'll likely gossip it all around town as was done to me when I was a kid... and as I've witnessed adults doing to each other in front of me now. So, I guess, I'm frustrated because it's so easy for my dad to say I'm a bad daughter for not speaking to him anymore and he gets away with saying he's not sure why... while I'm stuck with having to tell them why or not defend myself at all.

But, you're right... these aren't the kinds of people that I value. I just don't know how to find a friend or two who can go out for breakfast with me occasionally, have a pleasant conversation and also a deep one when necessary... and won't go betraying my secrets to others. I think it's too late to find one of those.

I'm really feeling a lot better about my decision not to associate with my family anymore. And, the older I get in my diary, the more I'm going to feel like there's no going back. I know that. But, when I'm writing about the early days when they loved me, before their perceptions were flipped upside down, then I think... all I have to do is remind them of that time and then FLIP THEM RIGHT SIDE UP AGAIN! :D So I cogitate on that for a while, until I remember more recent events and realize that I never want to see them again. They're crazy people.:insane:

 

[stormy]

Hi everyone. I know it sucks the whole "father's day" thing! It's usually panic day for me, without any warning I'm in high anxiety mode. Right now I am struggling with the fact that I love my dad so much and actually trying to see that he may have known what he did. Ugggghhh, I just hate father's day. I'm glad it's over!!!!

 

[Sqweak]

I'm so sad that some of you have fathers that just suck all together. I always saw myself as very lucky not growing up with a father because it always seemed like one less disappointment. I think it's more rare now to have people celebrate fathers’ day and truly mean the sentiment; but how lucky are you when you do.