General How can i stop him pushing me away?

[Day dreamer]

My partner suffers with PTSD and pushes me away. I feel so lonely at time and constantly walking on eggshells. If I say anything I get accused of having a go or putting pressure on when all he's trying to do is make himself happy and get by.

 

[Dergrosse]

That's a hard one. I feel like us sufferers are given too much slack at times in how we treat others. There' never really an excuse to make someone feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us.

At the same time, there really are rules to dealing with us. There has to be a balance somewhere. If you haven't had the conversation about it, you may want to. Find out what the rules are from your sufferer and find a balance. You shouldn't have to feel like that.

You have to stand your ground, but be flexible. My god I don't envy the role of the supporter. I hope that helped some.

 

[EveHarrington]

You can’t.

Just give him space. When he feels safe he will likely not push so hard, so much.

 

[Sighs]

The harder you pursue the harder he will push to get some space.

 

[Dergrosse]

So I grasped onto the walking on eggshells part and inserted personal experiences where they didn't belong. I ignored the title/point of the post, for that I'm sorry.

As far as having him not push you away, like the others said, you can't stop it. I agree with them as far as the harder you push the harder he will push back.

 

[Day dreamer]

Thanks so much to those who've replied. It's nice to read that what I'm doing is the right thing. Sometimes I get these comments from friends who don't understand "I think you need to walk away" "he cannot treat you like this" it makes me for a second question what on earth I'm doing and why I'm putting up with it. On the other hand I know deep down that space is what he needs and I know he wouldn't intentionally want to make me feel this way. I find it really hard to grasp the whole thing. One minute he's the person I fell in love with and days, weeks, or months later he's this guy who cannot see how irrational, angry or selfish he's being.

I'm understanding him more and I think he's at the beginning of a long journey of acceptance.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yeah, friends typically give the wrong response when advising on what to do with a symptomatic PTSD sufferer (abuse aside). I can't tell you how many times I've seen supporters say the exact same thing that you do, that friends don't understand and tell them to just walk away. The thing is, we don't ever get out of this life unscathed, so those people who advise you to drop someone like a hot potato? Yeah, I think they'll understand later in life when they go through some trials and tribulations that its not about dropping people when they are struggling and down on their luck!

 

[wishball]

My partner suffers with PTSD and pushes me away. I feel so lonely at time and constantly walking on...

I have ptsd. I push away. One of the things that makes me close up more is when my partner would pounce the minute he saw me pulling away. I would get commence like "where are you", "I've lost you", It would be so much for effective if my partner to be like "Hun, let me make you a tea", Or Hun lets take a walk. Or, "Babe I'm here for you", "Even just running his hand through my hair.

 

[grit]

In all honest, no one but you can decipher a bad relationship and or being with a person who is struggling with PTSD affliction which can manifest in so many different ways.

In my view, the best way to be in a difficult situation, especially one with unforeseen end to the health issue, is you must become a stronger person for yourself. If you start to have victim mentality, bringing others (friends and foes alike) to your relationship, struggle emotionally on daily basis, and all these other stuff, the PTSD becomes the chicken and the egg. Are you in a better position you were before or after or are you also colluding in his recovery, and/or are you giving up your self agency to this person or are you even contributing to his lag of healing?

It is not easy. No one knows you or him or the dynamic. Get a therapy for yourself so you have a support and you have a place to take care of yourself and you learn how to be better for you first and foremost before you focus on him and lost track of time. This is no different than a caretaker, empathy and support are not unlimited and we can all run out of them. So do not burnout yourself.

Remember, he can leave you too. That is an option. So if you give up on yourself and still he leaves you, what do you have to hold on to?

Be kind to yourself. Get the support you need. Stop gossiping about his issues to your friends which only adds fuel to the fire and also he may not be oblivious to this and probably it adds to the discomfort and trust issues.