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How Did You Sleep Last Night?

I cannot remember the last night I slept through. It’s been months and months. I fall asleep easily but wake every few hours in a panic. Sometimes it’s very clearly a terrifying “scene” that wakes me up but other times I have no idea.

My GP prescribed slow release melatonin today so I’m giving that a try. The weariness is killing me.
 
Sleep is always disrupted and mussed up at best, but now I am not waking up in a panic as much as I did. I have awareness I am awake. I immediately try to latch on to something to reassure myself that I am safe, and not in that time anymore. Bit by bit sleep, well it is what it is, but I am doing better at not waking with massive panic attacks several times in the night. I am not waking completely incompacitated by hours of panic attacks. It is a non sleeping night tonight. I am not getting upset about it. I accept that this happens from time to time. I am watching lots of comedians to keep my focus off my fear of the night, the fear of rape, and the terror of violations.
 
I have been up for hours. First I woke up hungry, then later on thirsty, I could not go back to sleep, so I finally got up, read my Bible and came online. I did some crocheting to try to calm me, but I could not stick with it long enough for that to work. I watched a bunch of cartoons on Youtube. I loved to watch them when I was a kid on Saturday mornings. Old habits never die, I guess, we just change them a bit to go along with our getting older.
 
I slept OK last night. I woke up kind of tired though. I guess I am catching up on lost sleep. I think I did have a night mare though. I just forgot it about as soon as I remembered it. I hate that!
 
I had a great time last night… LOL.

I kept dreaming that I was fighting off intruders, a gang of which had shown up to rape me. Gosh, I just love my dreams…I mean nightmares. Now I’m having an anxiety attack and I’m trying to calm down. I texted a friend a text my therapist. Guess I’ll get over it. I’m going to go lay down. No matter what, every night there is always something. When I was 20 years old I realized that I couldn’t even have any mental peace in my sleep. But, enough complaining. I’m going to take some melatonin and knock myself out!
 
I can't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep.Firstly I find it difficult actually getting off to sleep and then when I do I have nightmares and I feel like I am being pinned down and I try to move but I can't and then I start to panic.
 
Like :poop:
Sh*t dream and then woke up way too early and haven’t been able to fall back to sleep since. This waking up super early thing is a hard one to break.
 
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