How do you let go of control?

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I'm so wound up all the time. I have a control freak mentality and its not a nice aspect but I've lost control over so much of my life especially in the last 4-5 years that I've found myself micromanaging things to a really unhealthy extent. Its exhausting and as I'm writing this I feel so irritable and so alone it hurts.

 

[Susan Jane]

I'm so wound up all the time. I have a control freak mentality and its not a nice aspect but I've lost control over so much of my life especially in the last 4-5 years that I've found myself micromanaging things to a really unhealthy extent. Its exhausting and as I'm writing this I feel so irritable and so alone it hurts.

I understand… it is so exhausting and for me mostly everything I tried to control didn’t do what I wanted . I am not always good with just letting things happen, but I have been so exhausted in the last 5 months.,, I couldn’t try and control anything… and that is how I realized… it wasn’t such a bad thing. Hang in there you are not alone

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I understand… it is so exhausting and for me mostly everything I tried to control didn’t do what I wanted . I am not always good with just letting things happen, but I have been so exhausted in the last 5 months.,, I couldn’t try and control anything… and that is how I realized… it wasn’t such a bad thing. Hang in there you are not alone

Ok I feel an explanation is needed. I’m 47 and when I was 16 I was told I had an incurable disease so I decided that I would not be a burden ( truth is I was hared by many people) so i became a recluse. In 2021 I was told that I never had the condition.

Also in that horrible year there was a huge family rift. I felt so devastated that I nearly took a certain course of action.

Today I stand virtually alone with no friends and a family I can’t trust.

If anyone needs help then ask for bit.

 

[Freddyt]

By learning how to get it back under control when something happens.

"Give me a minute" and a place to go through my routine works most of the time.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

By learning how to get it back under control when something happens.

"Give me a minute" and a place to go through my routine works most of the time.

Its a nice idea but my nerves are frayed a lot of the time.

 

[Freddyt]

Its a nice idea but my nerves are frayed a lot of the time.

Yes. But it goes like this.
When the window of tolerance is mostly closed you bounce between 8-10 on the suds scale. Learning how to get the window open by not ending up nearly non functional is part of what we do.

The more the window is open the more time you have to mitigate before you get totally non functional.

Then you find what to avoid thinking about, listening too, and doing to avoid spikes, And you have enough room to do the "have to" stuff and then get back under control afterword instead of continuing to spiral.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Yes. But it goes like this.
When the window of tolerance is mostly closed you bounce between 8-10 on the suds scale. Learning how to get the window open by not ending up nearly non functional is part of what we do.

The more the window is open the more time you have to mitigate before you get totally non functional.

Then you find what to avoid thinking about, listening too, and doing to avoid spikes, And you have enough room to do the "have to" stuff and then get back under control afterword instead of continuing to spiral.

I'll give you an example. My "job" involves helping people via email and I go for a "belt and braces" approach by giving them reams of information where the correct amount of info is a lot shorter. I know this and yet the autistic side of my brain thinks "explain clearly, don't leave anything out"

 

[Friday]

yet the autistic side of my brain thinks "explain clearly, don't leave anything out"

Tailoring to normies is extra effort.

When you’re too far gone to tailor? Tailor twice, and take time, or call off sick.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Calling in sick isn't an issue as it's a voluntary role. I'm not being a negative Norman but the belt and braces approach stems from my issues growing up. My tutors told me they had no problems with my workrate and I knew the facts but could never get them out fully formed which led to me being so ashamed and scared of failure (see my cheating thread)

 

[Freddyt]

I knew the facts but could never get them out fully formed which led to me being so ashamed and scared of failure (see my cheating thread)

Lets put that differently, all those people failed to recognize there was something wrong, and they failed you.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Lets put that differently, all those people failed to recognize there was something wrong, and they failed you.

Yes, yes I like that.

 

[Dadzilla]

I’d strongly recommend you take this into Core Belief territory… to rubix/process/look@/work on… as it’s been 50 years of agreeing with him.

Unless you DO agree with him, rather than have locked yourself into living with his beliefs, his rules, his ethos… instead of your own.

Believe me, it's on my list! I only received a proper diagnosis for C/PTSD in 2024. Prior to that therapy simply addressed the downstream effects of the trauma (anxiety, depression, OCD, etc.).