How to sedate myself or similar

[beansj]

Huge flashback, many betrayals this week. This past week I was drinking glassfuls of vodka (I usually dont drink), biking 30 miles, lifting weights, and still every time I interacted with something like my coffee pot I'd have debilitating rage urges to throw it across the room and destroy everything.

I keep trying to build a support network for years and years and they betray me. I had 1 or 2 friends come to the rescue yesterday and now they're burnt out and my flashbacks are starting again.

I have plans I can start executing to make changes, but I can't stop the flashbacks. My body is physically exhausted but I have these urges to destroy something. I could bike again but I yelled and almost deliberately crashed the other night.

I want to mix white russians and drink that while i try to work and arrange other matters. Is this okay in the short term? Does getting wildly drunk help anything at all until my other friends are awake to talk? And getting drunk enough so that my body stops trying to destroy stuff so I can fill out this paperwork and get on with my life?

Help????

PS - not going to the hospital, not going to treatment, none of that. I have done all of it several times over. Last year the Ketamine treatment gave me amnesia and the doctors stopepd answering my calls so I was driving my vehicle around not remembering what red lights were.

 

[Rose White]

so that my body stops trying to destroy stuff so I can fill out this paperwork and get on with my life?

Sounds helpful when you describe it that way. As long as you’re safe at home and you think it would help why not try it? I used to need to drink to clean, do paperwork, anything!

 

[beansj]

Sounds helpful when you describe it that way. As long as you’re safe at home and you think it would help why not try it? I used to need to drink to clean, do paperwork, anything!

thanks for the reply. i know many ptsd survivors drink and me reducing my already small alcohol consumption helped me a lot. ive never really done it, hate alcohol, and im sure its suboptimal but i need something to get me through till i regulate again. grounding exercises dont help with the massive flashbacks. if you have other ideas too let me know

 

[No More]

week. This past week I was drinking glassfuls of vodka (I usually dont drink), biking 30 miles, lifting weights, and still every time I interacted with something like my coffee pot I'd have debilitating rage urges to throw it across the room and destroy everything

Yeah this sounds a lot like me.

My advice is to take the rage and do something useful with it. Refine it rather than just throwing stuff about the place. Martial arts, boxing, bread kneading, sprinting, art, dance - all very good ways of expressing rage.

I cant say getting drunk is good or helpful. But sometimes your down to doing what’s ’least bad’. And sometimes, least bad is drinking yourself stupid till your brain kicks back into gear.

Mainly just to say I totally get those feelings and they suck. Really properly suck.

 

[Survivor3]

Huge flashback, many betrayals this week. This past week I was drinking glassfuls of vodka (I usually dont drink), biking 30 miles, lifting weights, and still every time I interacted with something like my coffee pot I'd have debilitating rage urges to throw it across the room and destroy everything.

I keep trying to build a support network for years and years and they betray me. I had 1 or 2 friends come to the rescue yesterday and now they're burnt out and my flashbacks are starting again.

I have plans I can start executing to make changes, but I can't stop the flashbacks. My body is physically exhausted but I have these urges to destroy something. I could bike again but I yelled and almost deliberately crashed the other night.

I want to mix white russians and drink that while i try to work and arrange other matters. Is this okay in the short term? Does getting wildly drunk help anything at all until my other friends are awake to talk? And getting drunk enough so that my body stops trying to destroy stuff so I can fill out this paperwork and get on with my life?

Help????

PS - not going to the hospital, not going to treatment, none of that. I have done all of it several times over. Last year the Ketamine treatment gave me amnesia and the doctors stopepd answering my calls so I was driving my vehicle around not remembering what red lights were.

Vodka creeps up on you and then....BAM!!! Your out cold and or Raging! Waking up the next day not even remembering who you are... I'd stop doing that if I were you. It's not helping. Also gives you horrendous anxiety withdrawals which perpetuates the drinking. When your soba then you can then deal with life's responsibilities.

 

[beansj]

Vodka creeps up on you and then....BAM!!! Your out cold and or Raging! Waking up the next day not even remembering who you are... I'd stop doing that if I were you. It's not helping. Also gives you horrendous anxiety withdrawals which perpetuates the drinking. When your soba then you can then deal with life's responsibilities.

Good insight. I don’t usually drink I don’t like it much either so it’s just messing with my head. I actually think it’s making me more clear headed (not much, i mean like if my brain is 100% against me rn it maybe removes 5%). It isn’t doing much but I am not sure what else to do

No vodka / drinking - great. I just don’t know what to do. I used to self-regulate with friends but the closest one betrayed me big time and my family stalked me this week so I have to move and change address and get lawyers and I have essentially no one. I am reaching out to random people - and my behavior is incredibly bizarre because I can’t think straight.

I never went to the hospital in my life but I’ve done everything else therapy pills emdr TMS ketamine everything but ECT but I don’t even have someone to pick me up from appts even if I would do it.

I already biked 30mi a couple days ago. Due to ankle injury now my knee in extreme pain idk if I should bike again. Squat rack in my house I lifted weights till I could barely feel arms.

Still only slept 2hr last night 5am-7am and now my body fully thrashing itself. I’m uh. Out of ideas. Maybe the alcohol calmed me enough to take a bath w/o destroying something on the way?

Very confused right now which comes with the territory. Never been this bad. Every time it’s worse like the stuff accumulates. I’m more xxapable than I was last year I planned all year for it I did everything right and here it is bring me to knees. Csnt tell what to do

 

[Friday]

I think it’s probably safe to say that most of us have used alcohol, or other drugs, at some point to self-medicate. With varying degrees of gratitude/regret.

Generally speaking? It works until it doesn’t.

As far as being okay, or not? Would depend totally on you/your life. There’s always a consequence to using substances… sometimes they’re minimal and totally worth it, sometimes they’re pivotal life-changing life-ending consequences.

I have plans I can start executing to make changes,

What have you come up with, so far?

 

[beansj]

I think it’s probably safe to say that most of us have used alcohol, or other drugs, at some point to self-medicate. With varying degrees of gratitude/regret.

Generally speaking? It works until it doesn’t.

As far as being okay, or not? Would depend totally on you/your life. There’s always a consequence to using substances… sometimes they’re minimal and totally worth it, sometimes they’re pivotal life-changing life-ending consequences.


What have you come up with, so far?

I don’t self medicate with substances, like never. Sometimes I wished I liked drinking or drugs bc then I could have an escape but I just tolerated it anyway. I have no other self regulation options right now. I paid $1000/mo for a trauma specialist when I was punching things last year and all they told me to do was hold ice cubes instead of self harming. I tell you this week I would not be able to make ice fast enough.

I have no positive life plans but I have to pack up my stuff and move bc now I’m being stalked. Possibly get lawyers etc for legal protection. I can’t function though. Not at all

 

[beansj]

Sounds helpful when you describe it that way. As long as you’re safe at home and you think it would help why not try it? I used to need to drink to clean, do paperwork, anything!

hey. can i ask, what did you replace alcohol with?

I didn't drink, but now that i am, i am completing more work tasks i must have had a mental barrier with.

i bet i'm also embarassing myself - maybe. I used to be really "confident" but all "confidence" was for me was not caring if I looked like an idiot. maybe I did look like an idiot, maybe I do look like an idiot. anyways its kind of confusing.

funny that now that I've drank for a week or so i am 'functioning' to a small degree (no - totally not functional). i think this is a slippery slope for me so i hopefully will stop or replace very soon. just looking for ideas.

 

[Rose White]

can i ask, what did you replace alcohol with?

When I quit I drank a lot of sweet drinks, also fizzy water helped. Now I drink hot tea with honey and cream for comfort. AA people told me to replace with sweet drinks and they were right.

 

[Survivor3]

You have to be careful with replacing alcohol with sweet fizzy drinks. I did and ended up with type 2 diabetes. In the end I switched to decaf coffee and herbal teas.

 

[Rose White]

@Survivor3 you’re right. I meant for the withdrawal period.