How To Sheild From Self Doubt Caused By Abuser???

[Carmen J. Brown]

idk where to put this thread but anyway I just want tips for how to sheild myself emotionally from my narcissistic mom??? Moving out is not an option yet and I just want to keep the peace until then (which is nearly impressively but you know how it goes). Any tips would be appreciated.

Ugh I meant impossible not impressively

 

[Beks]

Hi, Im not sure what kind of narcissist you mean (just self obsessed and selfish? or plus abusive) and I don't have any definite answers but here's what Iv done being stuck with an abusive mum.

Ive gone to as many therapies, assertiveness courses and other confidence courses I can find and practiced being sure of myself and assertive. When she's on my back I speak slower and serious in order to make myself very clear - rather like I am telling off a naughty child. This has overtime been working one to one, most of the time, and feels to me like some sort of territory battle over my own brain. But she also uses really sneaky and vindictive tactics when it comes to the rest of my family and even my friends, in an attempt for control; it is incredibly frustrating but I cannot do anything about that. So I just have to keep an eye on her antics and focus on 'when I get out, she can simply get lost'.

So the best I can suggest is to join face to face groups where you can vent and discuss both her actions and your reactions too, and practice not letting her take control by pushing your buttons. I tried many different groups until I found one I was definitely comfortable with.

And believe in yourself that her problem is not yours - sorry there is no 'keeping the peace' with a narcissist.

 

[Gamera3000]

I agree that it depends on what kind of narcissism you're talking about. When I was a teenager, my mom would hit on my boyfriends, smoke weed every day, bum money off of me, etc. And the house was gross and she had criminals around all the time. It was not an acceptable environment for me.

I moved out into an efficiency apartment at 17 and worked my butt off to pay for it. She never gave me a cent. I wouldn't have taken it if she had. She would have held it over me. I had to wait until I was well into my 20s to go to college, but so what? I still did it. To be honest, those years where I worked really hard and lived in that small crappy apartment were some of the best years of my life.