I reached out to a new T today...

[hithere]

I would keep all three appointments. The topic you are dealing with is difficult and the right fit is very important. I would not cancel the regular T until you have found the right fit. You can work out payments with your insurance company. Yes, it's expensive. If you are able to self pay I would encourage you to spend the money to get the right person who will help you to walk out of sessions feeling stronger, cared for, and heard, with real help. Being left to feel uncertain, unheard, not feeling secure in the relationship is too painful.

 

[FauxLiz]

Okay another question to go with the above, do I tell my current T that I am "Dr shopping"?

 

[Friday]

I agree with @hithere, since you want to continue on with OldT until the beginning of the year? Either keep all 3 appointments, or move one of the interview appointments to the next pay period, if one out of pocket is doable but two isn’t.

do I tell my current T that I am "Dr shopping"?

Not unless you want to spend your session talking about that. You may. But this isn’t a relationship & you’re cheating on him & owe him the opportunity to end the relationship in light of your infidelity. You’re paying him for a service. If you want to talk about the process of interviewing therapists, and why you feel that he isn’t a good fit for you, and problems you have with him? Go for it. But if you want to be talking about anything else besides that, it seems like a wasted effort to talk about bass fishing.. Or any other topic you don’t want his opinion on.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you Friday you are right this isn't a relationship that I am cheating on him It just feels slightly dishonest to not tell him although honestly I don't know how he would not be able to see and feel that we are not a good fit.

 

[Abstract]

Amazing. Good for you. Agreed with the others too. This is serious stuff for you and you have to give yourself a real chance. Do the best for yourself possible. Its not as if your present t doesnt know that you have concerns or that you are struggling. You have tried hard to make it work. You are still deciding. You can deal with it directly when you have done so.

 

[hithere]

Okay another question to go with the above, do I tell my current T that I am "Dr shopping"?

I personally would not. This is from experience. believe it or not therapists are people with real feelings and also feel hurt or confused when a client says they are looking for another therapist. Unless you know this therapist really, really well telling them your shoppng at this point will shut down any possible work you may be accomplishing with them. If you have a rejection issue, it's possible the therapist would be THRILLED you are therapist shopping and not be able to really hide that from you--and that hurts like hell, just saying

 

[scout86]

So when it rains it pours.

I guess!

If you can manage it, I think I'd go to all 3. Keep your options open. Gather all the information you can right now, so you've got it to help you decide who you really want to work with. All T's are definitely not created equal. The one who's schedule doesn't match with yours till after the first of the year might turn out to be worth waiting for.

 

[FauxLiz]

@scout86. @hithere and @Abstract thank you for the encouragement. I have never done anything like this, if I have terminated with a T then I would meet with other T's and meeting with two possible new T at the same time seems scary and exciting at the same time.

 

[Abstract]

Go you! You are taking control of your life.

 

[blackemerald1]

You are not doctor shopping! Maybe browsing... and that is your right. Remember you are the client here and you must advocate for yourself to find the right person to deliver the right treatment for you.

I would not be telling any of them that you are seeing any of the other's. Even when you have found a T you are more comfortable with I still would not bother discussing it with any of them. You don't owe any of them a consultation fee to move on. If you want your history moved forward to a new T - authorise reception to send it on.

Honestly you really have given your current (new) T a good opportunity to find out if it will work and it just hasn't. I'm pleased your son saw your T and gave his opinion. A different perspective even if only a brief impression is quite validating.

Go for it @FauxLiz - finally something is changing for the better :)

 

[Abstract]

Personally I would tell the 2 new potential t's that I hadn't yet stopped the present one, just matter of factly - until I had decided what to do - and not mention anything at present to the present one. Its absolutely acceptable to see if you can work with someone and if they can work with you. Its essentially a little look see for both parties to see if they think there is potential. There isnt any point to discuss it with Present T PT at the mo because of what others have said. You may need to see him until next year, you havent decided yet, you would end up taking up your session with discussions about potentially moving. New ts is a totally different matter. Its perfectly normal to want to check if its going to be a good fit. You may even need more than one appointment to do that.

Also, it can be worth thinking of questions to ask. Think of what is important to you. Both for them to have and for them not to have. You can ask them these to get a better idea if it will work for you. Good luck.

 

[scout86]

I really don't see anything wrong with doctor shopping, in this situation. It's not like you're looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear. You're looking for someone you can work with. No different than shopping for a mechanic.