I reached out to a new T today...

[FauxLiz]

interesting 24 hrs going on. I went to therapy buzzed last night because I honestly didn't care what he said I was so frustrated. It ended up being the first what I would call true session yet.knowing where I was and what I am considering when the topic of how I was doing came up I was brutally honest and gave a detailed accounting of my passive prepping, to stumbling and engaging cutting, having access to large amounts of an abusable prescription and trigger dates and memories swirling around me. It was good but not enough to keep me from consulting others. So I called the insurance company and they were really good about it. Both initial consults next week will be covered with just my regular copay. Even though one is on the same day as my regular appoint they will cover both because the appoint coding will let them know its okay and that I won't be seeing multiple T all the time at the same time and they want me to find the right fit to work with. Last really weight off me no session limits so no feeling like I have to rush through and be "cured" for the insurance in 15-18 sessions or what ever.

 

[Abstract]

Both initial consults next week will be covered with just my regular copay. Even though one is on the same day as my regular appoint they will cover both because the appoint coding will let them know its okay and that I won't be seeing multiple T all the time at the same time and they want me to find the right fit to work with. Last really weight off me no session limits so no feeling like I have to rush through and be "cured" for the insurance in 15-18 sessions or what ever.

Absolutely amazing. Go you.

I was brutally honest

and again excellent work. I think this may give you confidence in yourself in therapy when you see the new ones.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well done you! This is a good start indeed. :)

 

[FauxLiz]

I know therapy under the influence is a bad idea but where I was mentally and emotionally going in to that session the help breaking through my own walls helped tremendously. Yes I started the session emotionally numb but quickly was able to turn that around and had tears in my eyes at one point explaining that the voluntary hold system is designed so that people don’t abuse it as another way to manipulate the system for a long weekend from work with no outside world responsibilities, but at the same time works against the working class that if they needed help short term adjusting meds and such a five day hospitalization can stabilize but would require three days off from work and where the doctor’s note came from could influence the employer’s decision making down the road. At least I feel this way in my case, T, I think was leaning on strong persuasion to try and get me to hospitalize but we developed a stricter crisis plan with an agreement not to drink and not abuse my meds or that is a plan breech which may result in his initiating hospitalization.

And in that brutally honest view if I go down those roads again new T or not I may just need that shove

 

[FauxLiz]

Another update, I had spoken on Monday to current T about the fact that I had made an appointment with a Pdoc in the organization (different office but same org) in August and the earliest they could fit me in was the end of November, I have been on the cancellation list since Sept. and that here the end of Oct. I was going to run out of meds. Current T said there wasn't much he could do but send the Pdoc an email. Well not sure what he said but the Pdoc's staff called Wed. and I got my appointment moved up to this Friday. Hopefully that will help, I may need a med adjustment I just hope this goes well Pdocs in my area not associated with this Behavioral Health organization are a scarce resource pretty much non-existent. So another step forward. Slow and Steady I guess.