In no particular order, I realize a relative and I who used to be close had some disagreements, that is normal of course. But what wasn't there that is now for a long time is something I never did: fear her.
I am going through the motions, and losing what little resolve I had to pick up the pieces. There likely is no solution and what I could do for my own recovery no longer exists. And there are no replacements I can find. I feel like I'm just sliding off the mountain.
People seem eager to go out; why Idk as I feel gross. And feel I look as gross as I feel, too.
I realize I don't like people who seem to have obvious ulterior motives. I also dislike people who copy what I say, wear, how I (have to) wear my hair, or how I present, etc. A) I don't see why? B) Why would they want to? (Though sometimes I can at least guess) and C) It has always realllllly creeped me out. And D) What am I supposed to do or how do I respond to that? There is even one at work letting on she has my name? (!)
I guess I realize I myself and much of everything and anything feels hopeless. I feel without energy and restless and like a silent train off the rails. And itchy!