I'm really depressed

[Punky143]

I'm not certain when it got worse but slowly and quietly. With the shorter days happening it feels like we're DID) being suffocated. My daughter is growing up, my father is distant from my sister and brother and always posts pictures of him, his wife and her child. Invitations to get together are met with excuses and declines. I don't know what I possibly could have done for this to happen. It hurts. Feels like abandonment. Our family is not close and if I were to guess is the trauma from our younger years. My t has only had telehealth appts and it's not the same. Hard to get into serious things, alone in a car in an isolated parking lot. I can't keep up with work no matter how hard I try. I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm having surgery next week and I worry about taking time from work and how I'll let the dog outside How more emotional pain will come. All felt differently with the parts. Predicted pain we keep quiet and sleep. We fear that once we get better we will continue to stay in bed. Sleep the winter away.
Constant changes all happening at same time is scary, unsettling, uncertainty, resistance, hidden deep sadness. I'm not in a good place so that's why I came on here just so I don't feel so alone.

 

[Rose White]

Hard to get into serious things, alone in a car in an isolated parking lot.

Do you have to do it in your car? Could you do it at home in your bed?

 

[Sideways]

I'm having surgery next week

It makes sense that things are particularly difficult for you right now. Surgery is incredibly stressful, brings a whole heap of unknowns into the picture, and messes with all the daily routines and simple tasks that can be key to stability.

Try and give yourself some extra space and compassion. It makes sense that this is a really difficult time, but it will pass.

just so I don't feel so alone.

You’re not alone - this place is right here with you:)

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @Punky143 ,I'm sorry that your having to deal with these issues and that you feel this way. Having surgery and being in hospital can definitely be stressful.

Your not alone, we can be your support network when you need people to listen and talk to you.

What was the relationship like between you, your siblings and your father before? Was it ever better/worse?

 

[arfie]

empathy, punky. this season i am thinking of my depression as a sneaky deak that is always slithering around the least loved pieces of my life, waiting to cover me in its slithery slime. i can't seem to ignore those least loved pieces out of existence, so? ? ?

sigh. . .

onward through the fog.