Is This PTSD? And a Few Questions

[loqu]

One year ago I was assaulted and threatened in an event which was painful but seemed fleeting at the time. I was in a bar chatting with some girl, we were laughing and having a good time, I tried to kiss her, and her buff boyfriend showed up and grabbed me by the face and threatened to kill me. I remember the whole thing vividly, how I experienced a 'freeze' (I've read up on the immediate effects of trauma) and excused my behavior. The whole thing lasted no more than one minute, but it was very degrading.

For more than 11 months I thought about the whole thing maybe 5-10 times in total, even re-visited the bar on a few occasions. I thought I'd left the whole thing behind. Two months ago the memory which was seemingly repressed was triggered by a non-violent event in a bar setting, and since that point I've suffered constant intrusive thoughts of the original event.

Now, I hesitate to use the phrase intrusive thoughts since I'm not fully understanding of the clinical lingo in relation to trauma. I don't believe I'm experiencing flashbacks, although the memory is vivid. I can control what I'm seeing most of time, but the intrusiveness is the real pain. It's like the memory is constantly floating in the back of the mind, I can feel it at all time, and every now and then (often, really) it rears its ugly head and I have to witness a part of the event in my mind and re-experience the fear and degradation.

I don't suffer from nightmares or avoidance issues (I'm out a lot, chatting to girls and so forth, although I might be a bit more cautious in my approach) and I'm not depressed, although the unmoving nature of the memory is starting to affect me. I'm worried since there has been no apparent improvement in more than two months.

From this description, can you tell whether this is a case of PTSD? I've been to a therapist and he didn't mention the possibility, we spoke more about how I shouldn't feel self-disdain in regard to my handling of the situation.

Also, I wonder whether people with similar experiences of intrusive thoughts have seen an improvement in this regard, or if this is the beginning of other, more severe symptoms. Lastly, is the experience of trauma hardening in the respect that it makes you more able to handle a similar situation in the future, or is there no difference?

Thank you and much love
loqu

 

[critters]

The one thing that made me wonder is if you really felt as if your life was in danger to the point of "death" when the man threatened you? I've been threatened with death when assaulted but didn't really feel the individual would kill me or maybe I didn't care?

If you really felt your life was in danger to the point of literally dying and that consumed you the whole minute the man grabbed you, then that could be classified as PTSD. However, since it was only a minute is seems less likely that it's PTSD and more General Fatigue over the indecent.

In all honesty I think the humiliation in addition to fear of the incident is what stung you into that freezing mode. The fact he was bigger than you, caught you off guard, and then embarrassed you probably lead to some self esteem issues, to which you can't seem to shake off. Pride can play a big part in a lot of situations and especially when it comes to standing up for one's self.

Sometimes PTSD doesn't show up right away and sometimes when symptoms show up they can be managed, and it will never turn into full blown PTSD. So in this case I would continue talking about the incident with your therapist and let him help you get to the bottom of your "real" feelings about what happened.

I've been scared to death and humiliated tons of times, and I've had some intrusive thoughts over them, but in time they have dissipated. I believe if this is your only incident of ever being threatened to cause this much fear, the intrusive thoughts will dissipate, and you can move on with your life.

This is my opinion based on reading about PTSD and some of the others with more knowledge may have a different opinion.

Good luck
critters

 

[clare]

Hello loqu,

Intrusive thoughts are worrisome but not necessarily PTSD. Please read ALL the info section threads on PTSD-you can't diagnose yourself and can't rely on opinions here (including mine) to make this determination or answer your questions because while they're great questions, everyone's experience is unique. For me intrusive thoughts lead to paranoia and depression. Hardening by trauma?-like "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"?-not! Although it did make me a schizoid recluse with sociopathic tendencies and addicted to S&M and images of tortore. I guess what I'm saying is you need to do the research, there's no quick answer. It's great that your seeing a therapist. I think you should ask the therapist for a diagnostic evaluation/assessment.

I hope this site helps you as much as it's helping me and many others-don't forget the info threads!

Good luck,

clare

 

[TLight]

Ditto with Clare...........I don't know......PTSD is definately tortuous for me and life-long it appears. Will always have to be managed and depression, confusion, inability to cope with everyday life are definate reminders that I 'for sure' have it.

I would think what you might have is a stress response that is truly serious. I would think that seeing the counselor will help you to truly get past this disturbing incident. I believe you will achieve healing and keep up the good work.

 

[loqu]

I filled out the PSTD diagnosis form and from what I can gather I would guess that what I'm experiencing is acute PSTD with fairly lenient symptoms. After all, I still function socially in every respect. My hope is that symptoms will diminish within the coming month. Perhaps the outbreak was intense because I repressed the memory for so long?

I'm sad to hear your stories. One positive I can glean from this painful event is my increased compassion for others who go through similar, and more severe bouts with trauma.

 

[Mina]

Hi, Loqu :hello: It's great that you saw a therapist, but if you are looking for a label for what is happening, the best thing you can do is to see a qualified psychiatric professional who has experience with diagnosing/treating PTSD and other trauma-related illnesses and disorders. As Clare mentioned, self-diagnosis of PTSD is not appropriate. Also, intrusive thoughts are not likely to disappear on their own, so additional or continued professional help is advisable.

Critters, I would like to point out that it is very possible to develop PTSD from an incident that was "only" a minute in length...or less. There are any number of members here whose lives were turned upside down in a matter of a few seconds. Repeated or lengthy instances of trauma may indeed make someone more inclined to develop PTSD, but please don't generalize that because an incident was not prolonged, PTSD is an unlikely outcome. Likewise, there are people in my acquaintance who have experienced longer traumas, and do not have PTSD.

 

[loqu]

The one thing that made me wonder is if you really felt as if your life was in danger to the point of "death" when the man threatened you? I've been threatened with death when assaulted but didn't really feel the individual would kill me or maybe I didn't care?

Good luck
critters

When it happened I distinctly remember having no emotional reaction whatsoever, and just going through the motions of submissiveness because it seemed the best thing to do to get the whole thing over with. But in reading up about the freeze reaction especially it seems like this could very well be a natural reaction to fear of actual death, even though I knew intellectually that he wasn't going to kill me my physiology might have thought otherwise.

Your description of having intrusive thoughts that are not the result of full blown PTSD, the question about self esteem and how they should dissipate in time is pretty much what I'm hoping to be the case. It would seem the reasonable consequence of the event as I remembered it (although by all means, I know trauma does not act reasonable out of charity). I'll keep what Mina wrote on intrusive thoughts in mind though.

One point that makes me hopeful is that I have not experienced any other symptoms besides the intrusiveness, although this seeps into being reminded about it by most everything since it's constantly in the back of my mind.

I will see my therapist again in a month and re-evaluate. Thanks to all of you for your knowledge and support!

 

[loqu]

I want to give you guys an update on my status and ask a couple of questions. I've had intrusive thoughts for more than four months now. I went to a therapist for several sessions, and I suppose it was helpful, at least it gave me perspective and some insight to what transpired. Furthermore, my symptoms have diminished in intensity - in fact, I can feel the lessened pain in my head (where I guess my sympathetic nervous system is in effect).

However, I'm still unclear on whether what I'm suffering from (or used to suffer from, when the symptoms were more painful) actually reached the criteria for PTSD. My therapist said, yes, this is PTSD, but I don't fully trust his judgement. After all, from all I've read on the topic (such as the diagnosis form on this page), PTSD seem to cover a wider range of symptoms than I have experienced. I have not had any avoidance and few if any hyperarousal issues. My only problem has been and remains these constantly intruding thoughts and recollections.

It's important for me to understand what I'm going through because I'm trying to verify that I will 1) be competely recuperated and 2) not suffer any irreversible damage. Hopefully, within a reasonable time frame.

I am aware that it is difficult and indesirable to give a diagnosis over the web, and that is not what I'm asking for. Rather, I would to like know whether any of you with own experiences or clinical expertise have insight to share regarding a case such as mine, where limited symptoms of post traumatic stress seem to recede and dissipate over time. Is this necessarily indicative of a benign progression? There seems to be widespread uncertainty within the academic discussion on what constitutes acute and chronic PTSD, the time frame and symptoms required and so forth. I'm trying to place my condition within the framework best I can to further understand what is going on and what I can do about it.

Thank you for any of your considerations!

 

[anthony]

Hi Loqu,

From what you have written, I would say you DO NOT have PTSD. Not saying that what you experienced wasn't traumatic, because it obviously was to you, however; there is another diagnosis which mimics PTSD in most aspects for people who suffer trauma, suffer symptoms even for long periods after trauma, though do not have the physiological change within the brain... being Acute Stress Disorder. This is the curable version if you like, being it near mimics PTSD symptoms for those who endure trauma, though do not fit the more severe symptomatic aspects and brain change that encompasses PTSD.

I would say well done to you for seeking help from a therapist... I would agree with what was said above in regard to don't go looking for a label... more, I would say you most likely need to continue a little therapy just to ensure you find the resolve you need surrounding your traumatic event.

Though to answer your question as to whether you have PTSD or not... I would say 99% no based on what you have written here. I would have to say that I believe you would fit the Acute Stress Disorder category for the period after your trauma... which seeking therapy was definitely the right decision and to talk out your trauma and find resolve to any negative emotion you have. Well done.

 

[loqu]

anthony,

That was comforting to hear, and it does sound reasonable to me. I've had a hard time trying to "fit in" my symptoms in terms of a clinical description. In the case of ASD the cut-off for diagnosis is apparently one month, but then of course there must be room for lingering symptoms past that date. Just knowing that a non-PTSD diagnosis is in the cards is reassuring because you have another frame of reference wherein to look for guidance.

 

[sigh]

I agree 100% with Anthony. Ioqu, I would take it to a doctor if I really needed to know. But the question is, why is the label important to you? Do you want to have Acute Stress Disorder or PTSD? What does having them do for you? If they reaffirm your symptoms, that's understandable, if youre wondering if you'll get better, that's understandable too. I, for one, hated being dx'd with PTSD. It's chronic nature and the amount of work I'd have to do would be formidable. I am on ssi ($850/mo) which puts me way below the poverty line. I'm bipolar as well, another chronic life long disease. bleh bleh bleh.

It sounds like you are very bright. It also sounds like you're confused as to how you feel and what youre thinking about. Also, give yourself a shake on the matter. Go easy. Play your favorite game or go out to a movie.

s.

 

[loqu]

sigh,

I used to say to my therapist that I'm a quite analytical person and whenever something happens that occupies my mind entirely, I'm naturally going to find out as much as I can about it. Once the symptoms of this experience struck me, literally over night, I was bewildered from the pain for a month and a half before I went to my therapist for the first time. During that time I surfed the web trying to understand what it was I had been stricken by.

My therapist suggested there is a positive and a negative to reading up and analyzing one's condition as intensively as I did. You learn a great deal, but on the other hand you're trying to force your own experiene into a model frame of how the condition should act and affect you. I do agree with this but, while there's always a flip side to everything, I'd rather understand more than less. The one realization that this is all due to ongoing processess in the brain is a source of comfort for me. Seeing the traumatic event from a physiological perspective (like how I acted in the face of a serious threat) has also been helpful in negating feelings of shame around the incident.

Both your points on why I would be pacified from the ASD diagnosis are accurate. As it wrote before, the academic discussion is truly a jumble on the topic of trauma and subsequent maladies. It is no doubt a difficult subject to unravel for an amateur trauma victim like myself.

I suppose your main point was to dissuade me from going on like this, and I recognize that sentiment clearly. My therapist implied the same thing. Thank you very much for taking an interest!