- Thread starter
- #25
Lots of food for thought here. I’m not sure I see vulnerability as the antidote to shame, I feel shameful about being vulnerable which doesn’t help heal shame. I had a long talk with my T about shame yesterday - trying to figure out how to let go of that feeling that I’m less than, which I know has its roots in childhood.
I do think the concept isn’t really tied together in terms of links to trauma, the all pervasive nature of feeling shameful - because of what happened to me, because I’m still struggling with it, because I “should” know how to get out of it, because it was so long ago etc etc.
And for me it comes down to me still blaming myself. Still. I’m not sure how those people who hurt me get to abdicate responsiblity or why I take the blame but I’ve beeing doing it for so long I’m not sure I know how to let go. And if I’m to blame, then me doing the wrong thing, wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing is shameful because I know where that can lead to and I do it anyway.
But I’m fighting back. I’m trying to stop judging myself so harshly, arguing with the voice that tells me I’m shameful, putting the blame back where it belongs, reminding myself that I don’t have a sign saying “damaged goods” flashing over my head, reminding myself that I do worthwhile work, have good relationships and I’m just not giving in to it. Today.
Ask me again tomorrow.
I do think the concept isn’t really tied together in terms of links to trauma, the all pervasive nature of feeling shameful - because of what happened to me, because I’m still struggling with it, because I “should” know how to get out of it, because it was so long ago etc etc.
And for me it comes down to me still blaming myself. Still. I’m not sure how those people who hurt me get to abdicate responsiblity or why I take the blame but I’ve beeing doing it for so long I’m not sure I know how to let go. And if I’m to blame, then me doing the wrong thing, wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing is shameful because I know where that can lead to and I do it anyway.
But I’m fighting back. I’m trying to stop judging myself so harshly, arguing with the voice that tells me I’m shameful, putting the blame back where it belongs, reminding myself that I don’t have a sign saying “damaged goods” flashing over my head, reminding myself that I do worthwhile work, have good relationships and I’m just not giving in to it. Today.
Ask me again tomorrow.