Relationship More To My Mixed Up Toxic Love Story

[Becksknox]

So last time I posted it was about my guy cheating with 2 people while lying to me.
I don't want him back, but I am still extremely hurt.
So as much as he said he didn't want a "serious relationship" when this all began in March, yet we never really stopped being a couple, once the cheating came out that was it for me.

Now, I'm sad, my depression has taken a huge downward spiral and I'm barely functioning. I'm in bed all day, I don't eat, I do nothing, but cry. I guess for the person I thought he was or the dreams he shattered.
Mostly because he is now "dating" someone 20 years younger than him and who seems extremely immature and not his type other than sex and drinking....his 2 major bandaids to avoid his issues.
I've explained to him the void is in him and alcohol and women won't fix this that he has to fix himself. He ignores me.

My self confidence which already sucked was just stomped on. My depression is worse than I've ever known. I'm 42, people say I'm beautiful and I'm very successful. He's cheated with these 2 "broken" girls in their 20's. I'm guessing in part because his ego is so low and he doesn't have much confidence that when these girls showed any interest he jumped at the chance.

My question is (stupidly, because I don't want him back) does anyone think this will last?
I just can't stop feeling what do I lack? What is wrong with me?

I know he doesn't love himself therefore can't love anyone, but this girl is already saying I love you and talking about forever and it just freaking hurts!!!!

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

He sounds like a dick. Just keep out of contact, delete his number block off all social media.

He doesn't want you, he doesn't want himself. He's with these young and "broken" girls cause they don't know how they are supposed to be treated, they are easy to control.

Luck escape if you ask me, but you can't still be in contact with him see all this shit and wonder why it still hurts. 0 contact that's my opinion.

 

[Becksknox]

@NoWhereKnowWhere i know. I'm trying my hardest. Truly I am. He can tell me constantly to never contact him again and the next day he acts like nothing happened. Then if I say to him that I need to cut ties, he gets angry and tells me "you did this!" Then his anger escalates and instead of getting pissed myself and being done, I get caught on his hook every time.

I feel bad bc I know I'm not strong enough yet to cut him off completely. I'm getting there and I've come a long way but I'm afraid that if I cut him off then I am truly admitting all my dreams really are shattered.

 

[nursenurse]

Why dream for this nightmare of a man? Time to make new dreams for yourself that include no one else. If someone happens by that fits in and that is compatible then fine. We all suffer from lack of judgement at times, especially where love is concerned. This is a time to mourn the relationship, but eventually you will begin to see yourself as the person you should be putting on the pedestal while knocking him off his and flat on his arse. It takes time, and maybe you do need to consider professional help, you are sounding depressed.

Don't let him rob you of life. Be gentle to yourself, but let that big old door slam him so hard in the butt on the way out that he will not know which end is up. You won't be able to do that until you realize your own self worth. I am really sorry for what you are going through. You deserve more.

 

[Friday]

My question is (stupidly, because I don't want him back) does anyone think this will last?

Not to be the bearer of false hope... From personal experience, this shit can last years. From friends experiences? Decades. PTSD running amok has serious legs. If that's where he is right now? Ain't no telling when he's going to come out of it. If ever. Could be in a day, or a decade, or never.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Run like hell. Cheaters suck you dry.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Don't hold false hope for him or your relationship don't wait for him to sort himself out or whatever. Like @FridayJones said you could be waiting a long time. You deserve better. Treat yourself they way you would want a partner to treat you be kind to yourself.

I think @nursenurse has a point you should think about getting some help for yourself. Maybe it's time to go to your doctor and see what s/he thinks should be done about your MH.

This is just a suggestion but you could try writing him a letter saying for your own MH you need to cut ties. You need time to grieve the relationship and seeing him is taking a tole on you. He can't argue or shout at a letter. Be honest with him this is your health we're talking about. Xx

 

[Becksknox]

Thank you @FridayJones @Sweetpea76 @NoWhereKnowWhere. I am not holding onto any hope. After 2 years of never giving up, I am so done. I was just curious. I truly feel bad for the girl bc at 20 years younger and quite immature from what I've seen she has no idea what she's in for and I truly feel bad for her.

He is very close to rock bottom now, I can see clearly. Honestly I want that for him because it will be the catalyst (I hope) that he needs. I've been his support and I am gone.

 

[Becksknox]

@nursenurse the depression over this man is gone. Just pure curiosity how someone you thought was one person is the exact opposite seemingly overnight. I've been in therapy and irking on me and I can say for the first time in years, I am happy with me. It just seems like daily I find out more lies from him or about him. It's almost comical at this point.
The only regret I have is not listening to my gut and excusing away behaviors that should have had me running.

 

[nursenurse]

Now, I'm sad, my depression has taken a huge downward spiral and I'm barely functioning. I'm in bed all day, I don't eat, I do nothing, but cry. I guess for the person I thought he was or the dreams he shattered.

Becks, maybe I am not keeping with the tour, which would not be the first time. Have you already been diagnosed with depression, prior to meeting the Gloom of Doom...?

I found my Dude in bed with the Skank, cue visuals, on second hand, don't. It wasn't for another six months afterwards that I had the full picture, one or two details at a time, which all served to reinforce the nails in his coffin. But you expressed being depressed, and that was my concern.

No one can turn off the caring in one fell swoop, I would be even more worried if you did. However, you seem to be excusing his pathetic behaviour due to his low self esteem. And again, I may be missing the boat with that, but that is how it comes across.

You don't lack, in success, in beauty, nada. He lacks as a man, so do not let yourself be defined by him and what he does. The chicklets he is seeing...? What kind of role models did they grow up with? How were their lives? Well, you cannot concern yourself. they may not be the victims you think either, sometimes like attracts like. Just be glad you are out. At some point you will dust yourself off and move on, because that is what we do, and we learn and become stronger and realize that we cannot define ourselves because of what some two faced lying cheater thinks of us. Think about it. Who gives a rat's arse about what they think?
Onwards and upwards. Have a cry or two or ten, but then realize that you are better than all that and that you are killing trees by using boxes of kleenex. He is not worth the trees. Or the 99 cents for the Kleenex.

 

[Becksknox]

@nursenurse Thank you. I suffer from anxiety, severe depression and PTSD. My dr, trying new things with my meds out me on Prozac one month ago and I truly believe that's the downward spiral. I can be in a totally normal mood and then lose it for no reason.

I'm going next month to CA to have extensive brain rewiring down. Sounds hokey but it has an almost 100% success rate that lasts for anxiety, depression, insomnia and PTSD. My parents have been investors for 12 years so my dad put me in contact directly with the CEO and he will be administering the treatments himself. I'm so excited bc I've never known a life without these mental issues.

As far as him, I'm sad for the loss of who I thought he was and broken future but fir him nothing.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I'm surprised that he can even get a girlfriend, with that attitude. If he keeps that bs up, the only way this turd will be able to get laid is if he crawls up a chicken's ass and waits.