My Therapist Wants To Talk This Morning...

[PlainJane]

I'm proud of you, you are so brave. This thread is quite moving. I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier than this point, I just couldn't I cried and cried, right along with you. This system sucks, it's hypocrytical, greedy and so forth. It pisses me the hell off, I'm thrilled with your therapist I wish I could hear what she says to these people. I just wanted to say something to you, so you know I've been thinking of you and hoping for you!

 

[Born to Run]

Yes, it is true, you are not alone, we are here for you. What you describe is coherent, and I believe you have made a huge step forward, coming from this hell. It is major stuff to no longer hold your tears back for the first time in your life. That is big progress. I feel your therapist really understands the dynamics of what is happening inside you. Take care so much and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

[Rumors]

Sending good thoughts your way.. Hope you are ok today.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Justmehere no proper words but the Biggest of Hugs.

I want you 'here' too.

Big Hugs & prayers for you (((((((((Sweet Justmehere)))))))))) . :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Xoxox.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you deeply for all the support. Today didn't go so well. Got a triggery threatening message. ER turned me down for admission again because I'm not imminently suicidal and there are not freaking beds in my state and around and around it goes,

I screwed up again. Self injured bad. ER laughed. It's hard to walk from what I did and they laughed and told me to stop doing this... Uh, yeah, IM TRYING. I didn't ask them to fix what I did... I asked them to help me stop because I'm scared of what I'm doing. I feel stupid.

I'm failing I'm failing I'm failing... I'm so scared. Maybe I'm finally totally cracking and beyond all help. My job, my volunteer work, everything is falling apart.

10 seconds. I'm telling myself just focus on the next 10 seconds. Breath in. Breathe out. Another 10 seconds.

 

[joeylittle]

Breathing is good. Keep breathing. I hate your hospital on your behalf.

If you want to be admitted, tell them you are a danger to yourself and others. Rinse, repeat.

Sending you as much support as the Internet will allow.

 

[desiderata310]

Yep. 10 seconds. Breathe in, breathe out.

We're here with you.
Really.
Thank you for checking in.

I've noticed that there are certain people on this forum that I am always grateful to see have responded to a post of mine, or whose posts I always read. Not to say that I dont appreciate others but...
I've grown accustomed to your font.

Breathe in... breath out... another 10 seconds.

Stay with us.

 

[Ed Norton]

:hug:s JMH I agree with Joey little just lie and say that you want to kill yourself or something....they'll have to admit you...what a f*cking joke that hospital is...I'm so sorry that you're going through this my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Rumors]

@Justmehere do you have a different ER option close by? I think wording is everything. Can you say, "I am afraid I am going to off myself with my self injury...I am becoming more frustrated with life daily" Would that statement be correct? If your self injury is becoming more harmful, you could in fact cut something that causes you to bleed ??? Sometimes all the right provider needs is an indication you could be in danger.
10 seconds and just breathe. If you have another ER you can use, please do. Write down what you need and hand it to them when you go thru the door so you can alleviate some of the conversation. People suck.. I wish I lived close by bc I can assure you that if I went along you would have already been snuggled into bed somewhere safe. I can be one pushy b*tch when it comes to the health care. I have had a lot of practice!
You deserve peace and happiness... I will continue to tell you that until you can tell yourself. Sending good thoughts and strength.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Another vote for telling A&E you are a danger to yourself.

Hello?! You are already hurting yourself quite badly, so tell them that you can't control it anymore and are scared.

Keep checking in here if/when you can as we worry and care about you x

 

[scout86]

Maybe I'm finally totally cracking and beyond all help.

I think the fact that you're HERE is a good sign that THAT is not the case. As is the fact that you're trying to get help. That doesn't sound "totally cracked" or "beyond help" to me. The system there, on the other hand, sounds totally cracked. I hope it's not beyond help.

Meanwhile, is there anyone you'd feel safe staying with for awhile? Or who could come and stay with you? Are you taking time off from work? (Sounds to me like this would be a good time to use a few sick days, if you're not and you have them.)

I've done the "10 sec" thing myself sometimes. In fact, once or twice it got down to 1 sec and I really could handle pretty much anything for 1 sec. What ever it takes. Keep checking in, ok?

 

[Justmehere]

This was a different ER than yesterday. A friend drove me to a psych hospital directly and I told them I'm a danger to myself and they said the first intake is at 9pm on Sat. I panicked and they said I needed to respect that they had any people waiting to be seen. My friend yelled at them. (I must admit, I felt really really bad for my friend and kinda of validated by her yelling at them too.)

I think I'm so flat out blunt and factual when I come in, they think I'm trying to get attention and making this up. I don't self injure on my arms much but on my legs so its harder to see I'm really struggling. I can't like pull down my pants in the waiting room...

Today has been shakey. My friend, my doctor, my therapist are all checking in with me a lot. More than I know what to do with. There is some positive news: I did get accepted to treatment center in another state. Not Sheppard Pratt, but another one. Now we are just waiting for insurance approval. I started to pack my bags tonight even though it make take a week or so to get that approval. I'm scared to go, but so willing to try anything. It will be nice to get out of here for a bit. I am NOT letting this PTSD monster win.