Partial Dissociation - Can You Help Me Understand It Better!

[Me Myself and I]

Does any of you experience Partial Dissociation?

I have been officially diagnosed with PTSD five years ago, and since then I had all sort of (attacks) - (episodes) - (stages) whichever you would like to call them.

These varied from strong seizures to constant flash backs, difficulties in speaking as well as the complete loss of voice. Severe anxiety problems and paranoia, and so many other symptoms. But from almost three years I have been experiencing a different side of PTSD, which is Dissociation, more precisely (partial dissociation). I have never understood it quite well, nor was I ever able to find a particular description of the matter with which I can relate and therefore perhaps feel a little better about it, knowing that it is completely "normal".

What I'd like to know, is whether anyone of you experiences Partial Dissociation, and if so, how would you describe it? how does it feel like? and do you by any chance stumbled upon any articles that might have helped you have a new different insight?

Thanks a lot in advance.

 

[pixel]

Me Myself and I, would you mind please describing how you experience partial dissociation?

 

[Silver.]

I went through (what I believe is) partial dissociation yesterday. I had did some journaling which set off a lot of panic and stress But I pulled myself through. Maybe that is why my day went downhill in the afternoon, I am not sure. Later that day we went to lunch and my s/o and I had what I thought was a really good, breakthrough discussion. But somewhere it turned sour. It wasn't just me, he was just rehashing the same things we had already discussed over and over, and so I shut myself down. I took myself to a place where I didn't care what was being said, I stopped myself from feeling any emotion, and I feel this is what got me through the whole argument. "My place" that I go to when I get overly stressed allows me to be numb, to not care, and to shut out what is going on that is causing me stress in the first place. I finally went to bed at some point, and I feel like I have pulled myself out of it this morning, but I am extremely tired despite actually getting some sleep. I hope that helps a little x

 

[Me Myself and I]

Me Myself and I, would you mind please describing how you experience partial dissociation?

Not at all Pixel,

It feels as if so many different parts of me fight in that particular moment wanting to take control over my mind and body. it's exactly like giving so many orders and clicking too many buttons all at once when using any machine, that you end up having the whole system frozen and unable to work, or in case it does, it works very slowly and functions differently.
Partial Dissociation feels like a shut off. My mind decides not to work properly any longer, decides for me that it's time to have a break from all the stress and that it's OK to let it happen.

I am 26 years old, but when I have these episodes, I can in seconds become a young little girl of 3 or 4 years old. I can turn from a strong independent woman, to a completely young vulnerable dependent girl.

And when it's Partial, means I have no amnesia, therefore when the attack is over I can remember everything that happened, even though while dissociating, I have no control over the situation whatsoever.

This I believe is the best Description I can give of how I experience Partial Dissociation. I hope I have managed in making the idea clear enough.

 

[Me Myself and I]

I hope that helps a little

Thanks a lot for sharing, it does. I perfectly understand how it can feel like a safe place to go back to.
I hope you have a better day today!

 

[David1959]

I have the same issue, I sometimes realize that I did not hear the other conversation at all. My T says I compartmentalize and disassociate as a learned defense mechanism from my abuse as a child. My way of coping.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Interesting. I often get younger than I am and it sucks because I am old. It probably looked different when I was 26 and started to wear these weird kid clothes and called adults "Really Scary Grown Ups". And ponytails and all. Now I am old and I still feel that way. It sucks so bad because I do not look young. I look old but I feel no older than 12. Imagine that!

It is scary to me because the kids in the family routine outgrow me by about 15. We get along so great, rolling around in the grass and playing and then they grown up and I am like: Eeek! I never reached that stage!!!!

So odd....

I can only imagine what people think of me.

 

[pixel]

Remember that dissociation is on a continuum, a spectrum.

You are describing dissociation in all its glory: confusing. debilitating. frustrating.

Have you heard the illustration of the car?

Imagine you are driving a car. you are steering, looking out the windscreen, making decisions and reacting. this is how you are when you are the strong, independant 26 year old woman.
sometimes you are in the passenger seat. you can see through the windscreen which direction you are travelling in, but you have no control of the car. or you may be in the backseat, and it is harder for you to see where you are going, you may not be sure which direction you are going and you have no influence at all.
this sounds like you, when you feel like you are a vulnerable, dependant girl.
The next step on the continuum is being in the boot (trunk) of the car: you can't see a thing, you don't have a clue of what's going on around you and when you jump out, its a mystery to you where you have been or how you got there.

Dissociation! :confused:

 

[Justmehere]

@Me Myself and I - That sounds like possibly being being co-conscious with fragmented personality parts. You might get better understanding looking up things like structural dissociation? I'm not quite sure, just some thoughts.

Amnesia is not a required element to dissociation. I remember most of my dissociative experiences/symptoms. It's still dissociation.

@pixel explained well that it's a spectrum. People without PTSD dissociate, just in a more mild way.

 

[Silver.]

@pixel I haven't heard that analogy, I think you said it well. Although I have to lol @ myself, because while I was reading it I was thinking: "well if I was in the back seat I would be getting car sick and that would be even worse!" *scrambled brain thinking*

 

[pixel]

@Silver-lr

*hands you a bucket*

don't you ruin my leather seats! ;)

 

[Rani G2]

I experience this sought of dissociation very often.

I hate, and I absolutely hate it, when I fear certain people. Usually there are only a few. Dominant, judging, people with a look of disparajing. Surely, a frozen state from my childhood.

How do you cope during dissociation without amnesia?

Shankara