If alcohol isn't addictive, then why do I think about it so much and feel a craving for it at times? Or am I just thinking about/craving the feeling I get from it?
It's hard to be honest, but I will......
It's not actually where I go on the weekends, it's how I feel. I have always had a rough time on weekends, I have always felt depressed for some reason. And my husband works out of town every single weekend, so that makes things worse. So I drink alone alot because it makes me feel better(well at first it makes me feel better).
When I go out with friends, I'm the one that is drunk before the night even starts. I start drinking before I'm picked up so that I'm more relaxed. I always tell myself I will just have a few sips but then I start chugging. Then wherever we go, I spend the whole time drinking. I buy 2 drinks at a time and chug them. I haven't been out in awhile because I always end up making a fool of myself. I do things and go places I wouldn't normally do or go, so I'm kind of afraid to go out anymore.
If I have friends over.....same thing. I end up falling down drunk and making a fool of myself by crying or by getting violent. We plan on playing cards or just hanging out and having a few drinks. They have a few drinks and I end up holding the bottle. I haven't had anyone over lately because last time I did, I totally broke down crying in front of them plus I tried to fight a couple of them and even punched one of them.
I'm fine during the daytime hours on the weekends, well other than feeling down. I find things to do when I don't have to work. I go shopping, talk to/visit friends, etc., just normal stuff. But once it's evening/night, I just don't like the way I feel and I want to drink and usually do. So it's not actually where I go or what I'm doing, I think it's more what I'm feeling that makes me want to binge.
Did you mean how much do I drink per week, or how often do I drink?
How often...It varies. It depends on how I am feeling. Sometimes it's maybe just 2 days per week, sometimes 3(or 4), there have been times it's been everyday. If I am feeling anxious, depressed, etc., those are the days I usually drink.
How much...that varies too. It depends on what I'm drinking and how often I have been drinking that week. If I haven't had anything to drink in a dew days, it doesn't take as much. If I have, well then obviously it takes more.
I feel like I've made a sinful confession or something now...