Reality Checks Needed - tenant situation

[somerandomguy]

Probably best to say something like "Thanks, when can I expect your key?" or something like that. Focus on the end result and ignore everything else she has to say.

 

[DharmaGirl]

My ex-husband was always gonna, as in I was just gonna, I was just thinking about starting that, I was just about to...all bullshit. Don't worry, you are doing what you need to do. You are doing a good job, just keep repeating what Friday said.

 

[scout86]

I don't think I WOULD respond to that. I think I'd just wait and see what actually happens.

If you get paid, great, but she still needs to move. If her friend splits some wood for you? Also great, but she still needs to move. (Honestly, this one would bother me because I'd end up feeling obligated. But that might be what she intends.) The bottom line is, you've decided she needs to move on, for good reason. It might take some work to stay focused, but the bottom line is, "She needs to move". You're sorry for her troubles, but she needs to move. Keep practicing those great lines Friday came up with. (I've actually done exactly that a few times. And, when I delivered the lines? It was like playing a part in a play. But it worked.)

 

[Friday]

How the heck do I respond to all that?

Don’t. Just respond to the relevant piece, that she’s agreeing to remove the trailer before such&such date on the eviction notice (not that she has to agree, but that she has means even LESS potential “guilt” for calling the state for removal to impound. Not only is she required to by law, but she also agreed to do it on top of that)... and don’t even acknowledge the rest as it just confuses things; off the hook for this, or new agreements for that, or reasons to continue being on your property, or new dates, or, or, or. :confused:

Keep it simple.

No worries on the log splitter, I’ll see you before such & such date. If I’m at work when you’re moving it and don’t see you, I wish you all the best.

Muttly.

 

[Ronin]

(Honestly, this one would bother me because I'd end up feeling obligated. But that might be what she intends.)

On another hand, not requested for services? Totally disregardable.

As in Muttly did not ask for anyone to do anything beyond the move so if they choose to, great, but it still does not change his stances on a thing. I see no obligation for what literally was not requested by him, that goes totally outside their issue and is a separate thing. :)

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah I agree with @Friday. Don't respond. She's agreed to go so that is all you need to worry about.

The rest of it is quite literally 'noise' and not helpful. I mean it hasn't altered your view that she ought to comply with the eviction notice has it? If not, don't respond. Don't engage, don't be available for 'negotiations' that you don't want to engage in.

"Noisy" replies by her are just crazy ways of diverting and distracting you. But you are doing fine. :)

 

[scout86]

On another hand, not requested for services? Totally disregardable.

Very true! This happens to be a "thing" with me. And it's a "thing" that an assortment of people (people better off avoided!) have found useful. Do something for me, whether I ask for it, want it, or what ever, and I feel indebted. Which, in turn, they can use to get me to do "what ever" to pay them back. Now that I'm aware of it, it doesn't happen much, but it's definitely "a thing".

Don't fall for it Muttly!

 

[blackemerald1]

And it's a "thing" that an assortment of people (people better off avoided!) have found useful.

^I agree completely and it's a thing for me too.

I call it the 'chalk board mentality'. I really dislike it. Even when I have done something for someone, they then do or try to do something for me (which I rarely want) to pay the perceived debt back! Ugh... I don't keep score but lots of other people do and it becomes very difficult and cyclic.

If I do something for someone else just because I want to, no payment or payback is necessary. If I do something within the terms of an agreement where payment or payback is necessary they will know all about the terms before I do anything. And vice versa.

I'm sorry Muttly - off topic. :oops: But it's a strategy to make you feel indebted when you should not. No agreement is made about any of those things the tenant advised. So I would ignore.

 

[Muttly]

so... I guess I am a wuss. I didn't follow through and nothing had happened again. After the pressure wore off, I stopped getting back rent and I certainly wasn't getting current rent, nor was she leaving. About 2 1/2 weeks ago I sent her a message reminding her I'd asked her to leave in a month. I said I had been nice but I was still expecting her to leave. I did give her some info on getting a temporary license to move it because one of her excuses to not move it is it's not registered. I got no reply.

Last wednesday, I actually followed up. My message was short and not mean, but not friendly. I just asked when she was going to leave. her answer was that she was doing her best. I was super irritated but hadn't responded yet. Friday I get a convoluted message about how she's packing up her stuff and if she can't find a place to take it she will sell but right now she has to yada yada yada. I asked if that meant she had vacated the trailer, because from her message it was really unclear. She came back with all these things she had to do before she could leave and I was just done. I told her that what she was describing sounded like it would take weeks or months, not days and reminded her I gave her a month's notice two months ago. and that I didn't want to but I would go the formal eviction route.

So.... then I got this long rambling (She's always so convoluted) message back. How she can't sell it the way it is. How she's helped out by chopping wood (true, I also told her she didn't have to) and got me a new washer (free one she got somewhere) and how she has no place to take the trailer. How she is helping someone out and when he pays her she can pay me some more rent. How making her move is putting her further back from getting on her feet again and interfering with her daughters medical treatment for her heart condition.

And on the one hand it pisses me off. I know I am getting manipulated. And it's fuunny, how the daughter's heart condition only comes up when she is trying to get something out of me or someone else. And one time when she was all urgent about her daughter being hospitalized and I asked her later if she went, she said "no", she didn't want to be around her daughter's dad. On the other hand I do feel manipulated. Or guilty or self-doubting.

And today was a really rough day and I came home and she and her boyfriend/exboyfriend/fiancee/whatever he is, are there packing up her shit. And I don't really know how to deal with things. I can be nice or I can be avoidant. I can stand my ground if there's a threat but I'm a pansy and not assertive. So I slunk into my house avoiding as much interaction as possible. And I am pretty sure I saw her dumping waste (as in septic) on the side of the yard and I really should have said or done something but nope, I just scuttled into my house like a wimp. Bah, and people at work treated me like crap today and this is going on and what does it seem like I'm doing now? Getting mad at myself.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Muttly - sorry to sound cynical, this woman is not listening and not believing that there will be any consequences if she ignores you. That's her modus operandi. Likely she will persist until the sheriff (?) comes to visit I suppose.

It's really not about you being brave or being a wuss.

Last wednesday, I actually followed up.

^What happened? How did you follow up?

 

[Muttly]

@blackemerald1 I accidentally posted before I was done. I edited my original post with more details

 

[blackemerald1]

Thanks @Muttly - How frustrating for you that this is still going on and still messing up and complicating your life.

Can you think of what is going on as more of a business transaction and set aside all of the emotional noise she is making?

Her daughter is not your problem.. you are not a heart specialist.

You are not a charity or business that specialises in homeless ppl.. so again her steps towards 'getting on her feet' are her problem. It's always nice to give and help when possible but I hope you can recognise that this situation goes well beyond that. If I remember correctly all you wanted to do was sell a trailer?

Chopping some wood & giving you a washer are way below the rent threshold. Particularly when you did not agree to wood/washer in lieu of rent?

She's been given notice to leave and hasn't complied. Everything after that is her simply ignoring you or delaying to see what you will do next.

I would avoid her too, just as you are. If she is packing that might be a good sign?

Do you know what to do now in terms of legal procedure? It would be good to find out - you may need to get some forms from the local court and be ready for when she stops 'leaving' again.

I'm sorry work is rubbish right now. I can see how just dealing with one problem is quite enough.