Redefining Mentally Ill

[Eleanor]

But that is a perpetual mystery!!!

Mystery, maybe. Perpetual, not so much! It is a tractable workable problem. It requires developing a knowledge base - and happily there are lots of sources for that these days - Assertiveness training, there are all kinds of strategy type books out there. And there are good fictional narratives that can offer models of how to deal with difficult situations. And there are biographical accounts, and memoirs. And good old fashioned eavesdropping, gossip and people watching. The key is that you start LOOKING for strategy and alternatives to the passive option. Most people with PTSD develop some level of ability to read micro-expressions - which is a really really good tool to have in dealing with others - because it can give you great insight into what their motives are and what will work. If someone seems sincere, but you get a sense that it is an act (there is a micro expression called "duping delight" - people will micro smile when they think they are getting away with a lie) then... you know not to trust them

It does seem complicated - but once you get the gestalt of the thing, it all falls right into place.

 

[shimmerz]

Ah ha! While in foster care I was apparently unruly. That happens sometimes when your parents want you dead. Anyways, as the documentation from Children's Aid goes, when someone got close to me I would hit or bite them. There is extensive documentation that I was hit and bitten back each and every time I would try to protect myself. There is the elephant. Now I have to get him out the front (or back) door. Now it makes complete sense to me. Amazing what we know from such a young age. Fascinating.

 

[Eleanor]

And this is what continually puts one into freeze mode. I cannot think like these people therefore I cannot anticipate the best move. Frozen.

Also, my first T-doc suggested martial arts training. I almost threw up on the spot. There is a very large elephant in the room on this one for me - even now I am dizzy even thinking about it. What is THAT?

Does it help to observe that thinking like a bear cannot make you a bear? It just makes you better equipped to deal with bears. My dad has been known to say that "evil people are easy to oppose, their ends are clear and their methods consistent." They are highly predictable. By contrast good people are pretty hard to oppose because you never know what the hell they are going to do next.

A clockwork orange indeed....

 

[Pencil]

There is extensive documentation that I was hit and bitten back each and every time I would try to protect myself.

This is why Clockwork Orange came to mind.

I knew it!

 

[Pencil]

@Eleanor - we posted at the same time ;)

 

[shimmerz]

Hopefully I can make it through that movie. I don't know it.
@Eleanor - I wish I had your father. I was never taught these things. Here is where I am stuck. I get the 'end result' they are looking at - but their methods are consistent? Can't get my head around that at all.

 

[Pencil]

but their methods are consistent?

Yes, they are. Start analyzing it.

 

[shimmerz]

Slave driver..... ;)

 

[Pencil]

I'm looking for that passage by Somerset Maugham, and found this in the mean time for you, @Eleanor:

“Kant thought things, not because they were true, but because he was Kant.” from Of Human Bondage

 

[KwanYingirl]

This is a wicked good thread (that's Maine talk and means extremely good)

 

[Pencil]

“Watch: (1) You do something nasty to me. (2) I hate you. (3) You find it uncomfortable to be hated. (4) You think how nice it would be if I didn't hate you. (5) You decide I ought not to hate you because hate is bad. (6) Good people don’t hate. (7) Because I hate you I am a bad person. (8) It is not what you did to me that makes me hate you, it is my own bad nature. I—not you—am the cause of my hating you.”

Perfect!

 

[Friday]

- I'm in the process of discovering a major blind spot in myself!! The 'right thing' (and I could be wrong) seems to be to me absence of anything that is 'wrong' - e.g. 'we don't hit back', 'if they something ugly, you don't have to respond with something ugly', 'just walk away'. I'm turning my daughter into another victim. The 'right' thing morally is often not the best thing socially.

I'll need guidance on this one, @Eleanor and others.

@Pencil : What I've taught my son since he was little (and we started with hit/kick/bite/etc. whatever was needed in the moment, and it's now been changed to 'attack' for simplicity sake):

When is it okay to attack someone else?
When you're defending yourself, someone else, or learning how to fight.

Rudeness has the same rule (since it's attacking someone without touching them).

ETA... Funny story: My son is in Aikido (learning how to fight), and they were learning a maneuver that later on can also be used to disarm someone. Which the instructor mentioned. So the kids all wanted to learn it. "Okaaaaay', he said, and got a wooden knife. Then had the first kid come at him. "No, no, no." He shook his head. "You're facing the wrong way!" Confused looks followed. So he explained "I have a knife. You are 10 years old. The correct move is to turn around and run. The best weapon you have is your brain! Think! You're 10. You're fast. Run. Away. From. The. Man. With. The. Knife." ((I love this man))