I'm getting a bit punchy / heading to bed... But I just burst out laughing. "What? I'm the resident sociopath, here?"
Seriously, though... Emotional distancing in these types of situations I read 2 ways.
1) Punishing or disciplining kids. 99% of the time when I'm punishing or disciplining my son (or more accurately he needs it, for whatever infraction) I'm not angry with him, at all. If I am? I usually take a timeout. But most of the time I'm simply not mad. Or even disappointed. He's done something, and he's in trouble, but that doesn't mean that I'm emotionally invested in it (My rule of thumb is that getting emotionally involved in an argument with a child is like getting emotionally involved in an argument with a piece of furniture. We all do it from time to time, and it's usually regrettable.). Just because he is throwing a tantrum, doesn't mean that I have to, also.
Trigger warning for physical violence...
2) I don't usually take any pleasure in hurting other people. If a thing has to be done, I do it, but I don't usually enjoy it. Nor am I necessarily angry about it. The two often come hand in hand. Example: My house was broken into a little while ago, and I took a maglite (heavy metal flashlight/torch about 2 feet long) to the guy's ribs. If I'd been angry about it (or enjoying it) I could have beaten him to a pulp. I didn't. I caused just enough damage to protect myself and make him go away. Was I angry at the situation? Damn straight. Was I angry at him for breaking in? You bet. But what I didn't do was to let the beast off its chain and murder the bloke. Even though it would have been legal to. If I'd had a gun? Or if I'd hit him in the neck/head? He'd probably be dead. Or if he'd run at me, instead of running away? I'd have hit him again, and again, until he stopped or he made me stop. But that different from beating him to death in a rage. Or in any other way deriving pleasure from his pain. I didn't hit him because I was angry at him. I hit him because He needed to be stopped. I stopped him. Then I stopped.
Most fights have some degree of control to them. Boxing, bar fights, school yard fights, even DV & abuse... It's actually very easy to kill / maim people. Instead, most of the time, people don't go for "softening techniques" (eyes, groin, windpipe). They go for body shots. Muscle and heavy bone. They strike to hurt, not kill.
Amongst advanced fighters...the person to get angry first? Usually loses. Anger clouds your judgement. You make stupid mistakes. You don't want to be angry. You want to be cool, calm, and collected. You want to be able to act and react and think on your feet. NOT be overcome with emotion.
... Which leads right back into parenting. When you're disciplining a child, you want the same thing. You want to be cool, calm, and collected. When you're blinded by emotion, you make mistakes.
Military, police, martial artists... All train to remove emotion from the equation. Learning how to fight is more about that, than technique. Aikido was mentioned above as not an actual fighting style per se. Because it's an extremely fluid style of getting away 90% of the time (it was founded on a samurai being caught on the ground, and needing to get to their weapons & horse, so it's all about getting away from assailants in order to reach safety). Yes. Technique is important. But what's more important is being able to think clearly, and calmly, under great stress. To remove emotion from the equation.
ETA... I should mention, I do take a lot of pleasure in some fighting. With an equally matched opponent, using mutually agreed upon rules, it can be a great deal of fun. Sometimes, yeah, it's blowing off steam (angry to begin with) other times it's our fun from start to finish. On both sides. Like getting a jab/shot at the doctor, or blisters on your feet from hiking, there is some mutually agreed upon pain... But it's not beyond what you agree to. It's not cruelty, or abuse, or any of the kind of greater over lesser... None of that. If I'm squaring off against a cop friend of mine, we're both going to be sweaty, dusty, and maybe a little bruised... And we're going to be laughing. Like kids kicking a soccerball come home laughing the same way. That's an entirely different kind of violence than my ex who would pinch -no bruise- but it hurt a helluva lot more, because he was deriving a different kind of pleasure from a different kind of hurting someone. I could get more hurt sparring with a friend, than my ex being abusive... But the abuse hurts on an entirely different level. It's an entirely different thing to be fighting for fun, than to be fighting for your life.
Fighting for fun ... Fighting for need ... Fighting for cruelty
3 very different things.
