Screwed

[Touchy]

Im screwed, got into a verbal altercation, a kid 6-7 year old kid, totally naked, pissing into the pool, butt naked, i announce my disdain, lady comes over 6" from face, bal bla bla, return colorful language. I leave, a bright idea to return to get her picture to report her ass to the property, she snatcheed my phone, instant reaction, Instant reaction, hit her twice, now, $3500 attorney fee, had ro buy a new phone, arrested, wife pissed at me, found out im getting evicted today, over what, this bitch snatched my phone and threw it in the pool, thats freaking assault, i reacted, and so, this is that freedom i was protecting, the reality, guilty until proven innocent, i will forever hate the thought of leaving the house after all this, i need more sertraline

 

[Touchy]

Im screwed, got into a verbal altercation, a kid 6-7 year old kid, totally naked, pissing into the pool, butt naked, i announce my disdain, lady comes over 6" from face, bal bla bla, return colorful language. I leave, a bright idea to return to get her picture to report her ass to the property, she snatcheed my phone, instant reaction, Instant reaction, hit her twice, now, $3500 attorney fee, had ro buy a new phone, arrested, wife pissed at me, found out im getting evicted today, over what, this bitch snatched my phone and threw it in the pool, thats freaking assault, i reacted, and so, this is that freedom i was protecting, the reality, guilty until proven innocent, i will forever hate the thought of leaving the house after all this, i need more sertraline

The bigger problem, to top it all off, i really dont know why my reaction was to swing, i cant figure it out!! Closest thing i canbthink was a trip wiee hitting my boot and jumping away from it, instantly, the on the ground akready when it went off, it was a trip wire. I'm so overwhelmed... shocked, dismayed, she started the verbal assault, she got physical first, my reaction, dont know why i swung, now, im screwed.

 

[KA60]

Well. I see myself via your post in my latest interaction with my father which I just posted. Why am I signing up for this? With my father? I will continue to be blamed. What I allow will continue.

I mean no disrespect just want your insight about you. Ok. The kid peed in the pool. What would have happened if you just walked away and let the kid the mom experience the natural consequrnces of this behavior? In the mean time you go do an enjoyable activity work on yourself etc?

All I take is escitalopram 20mg. And lamotrigine 100mg ER for seizure prophylaxis. More medication will not help me. What will work with me is managing my fight flight fear fawn response. And work on my core beliefs. And me keeping in mind people are highly stressed right now and have entitlement mentality as well as I am a victim mentality.

 

[Movingforward10]

You did hit her. Twice. So, you responded with violence. Infront of her child. You did have other choices.

I'm sorry you are being evicted over this. Can you contest that in any way?

Are you working on anger management?

 

[Touchy]

You did hit her. Twice. So, you responded with violence. Infront of her child. You did have other choices.

I'm sorry you are being evicted over this. Can you contest that in any way?

Are you working on anger management?

I did, and not good, and was my reaction to phone being snatched and thrown in the pool. I'm trying to figure out why I did that, was my reaction, I feel bad about it, I dont know why i swung.

 

[Touchy]

You did hit her. Twice. So, you responded with violence. Infront of her child. You did have other choices.

I'm sorry you are being evicted over this. Can you contest that in any way?

Are you working on anger management?

I've always had anger problems, cant tell ya how many times it's come up, plastered all over my VA file, thought i had it under control. I dont know why i swung, phone snatched, hit two times, that is wrong, i dont know why i did that, phone snatch, two flashes of her face, pinned on ground.

only thing similar, I once felt a trip wire on boot, and jumped instantly on the ground opposite direction. I was on the ground before it blew up. I mean, instant reaction, no time to think, no thought, reaction, and then thenow, its why i am on here.

 

[Movingforward10]

I did, and not good, and was my reaction to phone being snatched and thrown in the pool. I'm trying to figure out why I did that, was my reaction, I feel bad about it, I dont know why i swung.

Sounds like working on your anger impulses needs to happen. And building in strategies to remain in a cognitive state to make different and healthier choices.

 

[Survivor3]

I'm also on escitalopram 20mg. Do you find that it helps? Are you taking that as well as sertraline?

 

[Calm in the chaos]

I think it’s easy at first to not understand why you react the way you do. Mistakes can happen, but when you swing for people, there’s consequences.

Anger management could be really beneficial. I mean, do you feel bad about it? Or are you more worried about the consequences?

There’s therapies that’ll process the memories, there’s ways of not going from 0-100. I suggest you look into ways you can do that. Sertraline can’t really help you there. but understanding why you did something, have remorse for the kid who has just watched their parent be swung for, in reaction to something that they did, and doing something healthier next time, can.

I am sorry about the eviction notice though, I would also suggest appealing it. I hope you can start to understand things better.

 

[KA60]

I think it’s easy at first to not understand why you react the way you do. Mistakes can happen, but when you swing for people, there’s consequences.

Anger management could be really beneficial. I mean, do you feel bad about it? Or are you more worried about the consequences?

There’s therapies that’ll process the memories, there’s ways of not going from 0-100. I suggest you look into ways you can do that. Sertraline can’t really help you there. but understanding why you did something, have remorse for the kid who has just watched their parent be swung for, in reaction to something that they did, and doing something healthier next time, can.

I am sorry about the eviction notice though, I would also suggest appealing it. I hope you can start to understand things better.

I can have anger issues too. I have ptsd but as a child my emotions were taboo. Any. So I learned codependent traits and fawning. I have an app on my phone called I can say no. It helps me navigate situations I should not enter in the first place. I document what happened did I say no how hard was it . The app presents other options too besides anger dysfunctional interactions with others etc. I have learned a lot.

 

[Sideways]

I'm trying to figure out why I did that, was my reaction, I feel bad about it, I dont know why i swung.

PTSD happened.

Something triggered you (could have been environmental, cognitive, somatic, emotional - the list of potential triggers is infinite), and you went into fight/flight mode.

A hair-trigger Fight/Flight response is textbook PTSD. Arguably the defining feature of ptsd.

It doesn’t actually matter if the trigger was reasonable in the circumstances. One of my triggers is grey carpet - it’s not actually unsafe or problematic, it’s just one of my triggers. It doesn’t matter to your amygdala whether your response was justified (it wasn’t), your brain went into survival mode, over-riding your ability to logic through your response.

Loads of therapeutic and lifestyle strategies that can help with getting your system to have a calmer baseline (which will make getting triggered way less likely), and working with someone (like a psychotherapist, or via EMDR) to figure out and neutralise your triggers will help. Working with someone who specialises in trauma would be particularly valuable.

Preventatively, particularly for folks whose system leans towards a Fight (rather than Flight) response, learning to monitor your SUDS can be immensely helpful. Regularly, throughout the day, you build a habit of checking in with yourself: out of 10, how stressed am I right now?

You want to keep your SUDS number low, to minimise the likelihood of lashing out when a stressor or trigger happens. If you notice that your SUDS are high? That means the risk of you blowing is high, and you need to do something to bring your SUDS back down (go for a walk, do a mindfulness exercise, do a workout, get into nature, get a dog and cuddle it - again, the list is infinite! Pick what works for you). Having lower SUDS, keeping that number down, makes blowing up much less likely - your nervous system’s ability to keep itself regulated improves, so that the frequency and extent of those fight responses is minimised.

Check out the articles on the PTSD cup on the forum for an alternative take on how the SUDS thing works with PTSD on board:)