Self Pity, Attention Seeking And Not Trying

[Digz]

I was in therapy, 'working my ass off', as you put it, for 5 years prior to even finding this site. People that use this site understand that it is a healthy way to deal with difficult times and issues and talk to someone who understands. Myself? I have made amazing gains since I began therapy and completely turned my life around. It is through support of people like those on this forum that I continue to thrive and the bad moments don't become longer.
Everybody is individual. All behaviour has an explanation and I guess there is some explanation for yours also, but you must remember that there is no definitive measure of success of anything in life, and you cannot make that judgement of other peoples' success, no matter how little or how much you know about them.
For me, if you were to look at my 'success' from my posts on here, I would probably be assessed as an abominable failure. Yet I am a married Mum, who works full time and I could competently say is quite successful currently in many aspects of my life. That said, I still often sit down of a night and binge eat my heart out or feel sometimes like noone loves me or have a strong desire to self-harm. Progress doesn't equal perfection. That's why we're still here and many of us may be forever. I accept that. If you disagree, then I actually think it's best you not say anything.

 

[SabrinaB]

I'm in that blessed place today where I'm grounded in the present and able to view the road already travelled and the one that lies ahead without feeling overwhelmed or doomed with hopelessness. No part of this journey has been easy and this pause will probably last just long enough for me catch my breath, but my time on this site tonight has both nourished and fortified my spirit. So, thank you "troll" for inciting this heartfelt exchange among community members. You have reminded me that good will always overcome evil. And more so, the good that will be done will continue and multiply into eternity.

To think that this forum would not exist if there were not pain and suffering in this world is somewhat mind boggling in my opinion. While I would not wish PTSD on my enemy and I despise that it has poisoned my life, I have to acknowledge that without it I would not be witness to the work of this amazing community. Even though I'm isolated at home and struggling to reconnect with the world just outside my door, you somehow enable me to reach through this computer and open my heart to strangers all the way across the world. I do not know how this happens, but I do know this human to human connection is critical to life and thus a key part of healing. Knowing that I am not alone nor hopelessly broken allows me to continue another day. Feeling your kindness wash over me cleanses my wounds, and seeing my goodness reflected in your eyes gives me the courage to confront the demons that wreak havoc on my life.

There are no words to express my gratitude to Anthony; God's favor is surely upon you for few have used their gifts as well as you. This community is powerful, vibrant and life-affirming. I'm overwhelmed with the depth of goodness and love that has arisen from the ashes of the traumas and horrific deeds suffered at the hands of others.

 

[Fadeaway]

I was diagnosed in 2008. Since then I have made steps forward and steps backward. Unfortunately, life happens and i am actually more symptomatic than when I first joined. Not due to lack of trying to work on my symptoms, but due to serious life challenges. It bothers me that you didn't take into consideration what peoples life situation is.

If I lived in Buddhist monastery somewhere completely free of financial and relationship issues (think job loss, car accident and a handful of back to back deaths) I think would be managing my symptoms much better. Unfortunately, Life is challenging and PTSD can make it harder to improve life situations which can make it harder to cope with the PTSD... see where I am going with this?

 

[fellowsufferer]

You trivialise the complexities of ptsd and complex ptsd. I don't like that.
Again, there is a difference between doing nothing and feeling stuck at moments.
There is a difference between attention seeking and reaching out for help, and getting your needs
met.
And there is also a huge difference between self-pity and grieving.
Last post from me on this subject!

 

[Sandstone]

OP, perhaps you would like to contact each of the members who are

stuck in self pity,seeking attention and not trying.

by PM and share with them the relevant lessons you have learned?

 

[Tanishq]

Myself:
Self pitying: No.
Attention seeking: No.
Trying: Always. :D

 

[Sandstone]

@Tanishq I'm so glad you could write that. You have a healthy self-assessment. For myself, when I read the critical opening words of the OP on the home page. I immediately took them on myself.

 

[Tanishq]

@stenni I see OP's not being helpful here. If we look at their username and the way they have posted their post, it gives us impression they might be fooling themselves or their original post make us wonder if they have got so wonderful wisdom what are they doing here. Doesn't it?

You are fine stenni. Don't blame yourself for taking it on yourself. We all are different, so we all have different style to respond towards criticism. Diversity is welcomed here. Don't feel bad please.

Thank you for telling I have healthy self-assessment. I didn't know what I wrote is also known as self assessment. I was thinking I am writing post on my behalf and what I do here. Something new thing to learn with you. Yay! :)

LOL OP is proven wrong again naturally, they have called out us for attention seeking. Everyday we are helping each other and sharing things so we can learn from one another.

 

[The Albatross]

...you need to take what you have learned and apply it in real life. Misery loves company and continuing to come here year after year, whining and complaining, isn't helping yourself, it is just prolonging it.

I probably sound mean, but I worked my ass off here during my active membership, my goal was to become functioning by learning all that I could.

It just makes me sad to see those same people here, hanging on, afraid to let go and move on in life.

Hmmm. In recovery circles it is not particularly wise to contrast your experience with the experiences of others... there is a recovery saying in the AA promises, "sometimes quickly / sometimes slowly".

In part it says, "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. [snip]

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

Congratulations TheObserver on your hard work and your progress. I personally think the experiences of each individual in recovery of any sort are valid... either as a cautionary tale or instructive and personally meaningful. As for feeling sad to see people you knew here, hanging on and afraid to let go and move on in life.... well I expect that you can be sad if you want to but some choose to stay to "pay it forward", some stay to stay in connection with their peers because they are still without it in their daily lives, some stay because they mentor or give support... there are any number of reasons rather than judging them to be "afraid to let go and move on in life".

 

[digger]

I'm inclined towards thinking this is trolling or someone just taking a cheap swipe at people they maybe didn't get on so well with, or have a lot of time for, when they were a member here....It would be interesting to know who this was (as a member) to see how they interacted with people at the time and whether this judgemental bullshit was their normal approach.

To the OP though, just in case you are genuine and that maybe constructive criticism, communication, empathy and all that jazz just aren't your strong points, here are some things you could have done, and could still do, instead of coming here, hiding behind the anonymity of a guest account and slating people for not being as good as you.

• From your advantage of having made it to the other side of this, you are in a position where you could make a really positive contribution to the forum by sharing the things that helped you to get there
• You could write an article for submission to the next newsletter
• You could start a thread in 'Accomplishments and Successes'
• You could respond to the specific threads of the individuals that have 'upset' you with their lack of progress and offer support and constructive advice on how you dealt with the problems that they are still facing
• You could PM some of the long term members you remember from your time here and offer some sympathy for their continued suffering and offer support if they need it

You know, stuff like offering the hand of friendship instead of slapping people down. Raising people up instead of looking down on them....That kind of thing.

 

[The Albatross]

Doubled back to grab an article from Anthony for general consumption and TheObserver:

Link Removed

 

[shimmerz]

What I said was true though

This is judgement - not opinion. Get a life if you are so 'healed'.

I notice they are still stuck in self pity,seeking attention and not trying.

Best to be stuck in self pity, seeking attention and not trying (your words not mine) than to be a socially inept moron who is stuck in illusions of grandeur. lol. I think your 'Observer' skills need some honing. It is cowardly to not give a name if you were so well known here.

See ya!