Self Pity, Attention Seeking And Not Trying

[Intrepid]

I've made significant recovery. So I come here because these are the people I relate to. We are all very different people. Some people don't seem to change much, some do. Either way, this PTSD stuff has been the biggest struggle of my life. Anyone who can even post in the middle of it, regardless of the content, is doing well.

There's an alcohol recovery group I go to where people sometimes say "if you are so miserable, why don't you just drink?" Advice like that makes me angry. I do my best, and I may be miserable at times, but I'm less miserable sober. Well, I'm less miserable here on the forum, too.

 

[StellaBlue]

While I feel a little sad that the OP feels the need to judge other people's recovery / healing, reading the responses has been very uplifting for me. My experience with this site (and granted, I've only been here a little over a year) is that it is a great place to feel connections, to look for advice, and to rant, scream, gnash teeth, whatever is needed. Contrary to what the OP stated, I have been able to take what I've learned here and apply it in my "real" life. Hopefully I've been able to offer tools to others that they can take away as well.

While I still have work to do, I look at where I was a year ago and I am amazed and thrilled with the changes I've made, the person I am becoming. Seeing others post their successes in this thread reminds me that I really need to visit the Accomplishments and Successes forum more often.

I am also very impressed by the responses to the OP in this thread - I certainly understand that folks are taking umbrage at the judgments posted by the OP - but I'm also seeing a lot of examples of the progress people have made and validation of the difficulties people have.

 

[shell]

I am happy that you have made progress, for it gives me hope that this very difficult journey is worth the effort.

I believe it helps to learn compassion for those who are not as far along in their journey, not everyone receives the same opportunities for treatment, nor does everyone have the same resources and support to process trauma. There are many people who have more than PTSD to contend with, there are people with additional issues from cancer, homelessness, and developmental trauma, all of which has to also be addressed.

Perhaps you are not as far along in your healing as you would like to believe, that you feel the need to judge or criticize others, but only you can decide what motived your post, and the reason to hide behind anonymity. I would feel a little sad if I still felt the need act out against others, to make myself feel better after having successfully completed treatment, but none of us are perfect and am I not myself sitting in judgement to question your motivation?

I am pleased that from this site I have learnt to have not just self compassion, but compassion for others. It helps to remember that at times a little self pity is not a bad thing, and admittedly self pity is not helpful when someone takes up residence there. It would certainly be more constructive to remember the support you received, and to offer a helping hand to those you perceive to be stuck, for what ever reason.

Perhaps you would do well to read Pete Walkers article on self pity and recovery, in which he discusses his beliefs that self pity is only dsyfunctional in excess, and can actually help recovery.

"Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self."

I certainly would have found it more validating, to have received your insight on what you believed was really helpful in aiding your recovery.

 

[TheObserver]

Everyone seems to be doing the same thing I am being accused of (assuming,judging,etc), which seems very hypocritical to me.

Did I say I am cured, recovered, better than or any of the other things that have been said? No,I didn't.

I am sorry I posted at all, I was sad/upset and then just did.

I am sorry everyone got so upset, it truly was not my intention.

 

[StellaBlue]

I don't think "everyone" here is judging you...yes, assumptions have surely been made based on the what you posted. No, you did not directly say you were cured, recovered or better than, but I can see how it was implied. It seems to me that you have things you want to say or work out here. The truly courageous and healthy thing to do would be to come back under your original name and say what you need to say, ask for help, give advice, whatever. I can only say for myself that you did not upset me. I truly do wish you peace and health.

 

[anthony]

Honestly, I can't recall one coming back as a guest to pass judgement or to express pity for people that are still struggling.

Exactly what I was thinking.... I'm still chuckling to be honest, contemplating troll versus existing member. If existing, why not just login and say the same thing? I think all the relevant points have been covered by others above, as to why people may still be here.

It's called ongoing support, complex trauma, lifetime PTSD... funny little troll.

 

[shimmerz]

I am sorry I posted at all,

Good. Don't do it again. We won't miss you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't understand how you can say this....

I am sorry everyone got so upset, it truly was not my intention.

after saying this....

I probably sound mean

Its not outside the realm of expected behavior for people to get upset when someone is being mean.... I guess what I'm trying to say is that you knew you weren't being nice by coming here and saying these things but you said them anyway.

Everyone seems to be doing the same thing I am being accused of (assuming,judging,etc), which seems very hypocritical to me.

And you can't poke a bear and then get upset that the bear fights back.....

 

[bell]

I haven't posted here in ages, but, I decided I'd post why I haven't posted since some people seem to want to know what it's like to get better.

I still have crappy days and read the forum sometimes, but, for me, just reading is enough to steady me, to remind me that I'm not alone. When I was dealing with truly rough stuff I would get frustrated with some members for posting (what seemed like to me) the same thing over and over again. So, I stopped posting because that frustration was further churning negative energy in me and I've had enough negative energy to last a lifetime! But, this forum was a godsend when nothing made sense and things were falling apart. So, to all of you, thank you.

So I worked (and still work) daily on moving forward, even though some days I feel like Bambi on ice, awkward, unsure, and confused. And try and push the envelope a micro-fraction of an inch forward when I can, which seems pathetic at the time, but sometimes I look back and whoa, I can see how far I've come, yeah!

I also write openly about trauma as well, so being more "out" about it has also helped. So has beginning to run again, and doing things like knitting or cleaning, activities where I can be more meditative and relax into those moments. By being able to relax in safe environments, I've found it has kind of trained my body and mind to see that places can be safe and that it's okay to relax. And whenever I get triggered, I am super strict with myself on finding what the trigger point is, instead of getting wrapped up in the storyline my mind is feeding me.

I have a ton of weird moments where I look back to being a kid who was scared to go outside by myself or terrified to go on dates when I'm out running an errand around town or with someone and feel stupid to feel so proud of a task so many take for granted! But... I always take time to truly feel (because, heck, I can feel again, too!) that proud feeling instead of burying it and it almost always brings me to tears because I really, truly have come so far.

And if I can do it, you all can do it, too. But... if you try and tell me all the reasons you can't, you've already failed. I'm not 100%, but I'm a ton better because I took the time to believe I could get better and worked ridiculously hard (and still work hard) whenever I caught myself being negative or using maladaptive thinking patterns or got stuck in a rut.

So, um, there. If the OP won't do it, I will. And I still have days where shite doesn't get done, but I've found those days happen less and less as time goes on. I know I'll never be 100%, but 95% seems like a pretty good goal. ;)

Be well, you deserve it.

 

[The Albatross]

Everyone seems to be doing the same thing I am being accused of (assuming,judging,etc), which seems very hypocritical to me.

EVERYONE? I think I'd reread and challenge that thinking pattern. I put an article up for you and congratulated you... so that TheObserver would not be "everyone".

 

[StellaBlue]

Thank you @bell - your post is beautiful and inspiring and I can relate to so much of it as I work through my own stuff...especially this:

I always take time to truly feel (because, heck, I can feel again, too!) that proud feeling instead of burying it and it almost always brings me to tears because I really, truly have come so far.

 

[StellaBlue]

... funny little troll

I think you need to create a troll smiley/emoji...then folks can just click on that and cease discussions :)