Sufferer Slowly Drifting...

[Marion Verde]

Dear H,
I am an intensive trauma therapist trained in West Virginia and practising in the UK. I also have a social work background. Have you seen Kate Cairns work? You can check her out on line. PTSD is fairly common with foster carers and nothing to be ashamed of . It is treatable and your symptoms can be alleviated. Don't be afraid to reach out. Shame is a part of traumatic experience. Check out Brenee Brown's TED talk on shame and vulnerability.
Social Services won't want to lose you or the home you are providing for your foster child.
Be safe and be gentle, give yourself the treatment you would advise others to seek.
Marion

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome @Harley. Q
First of all, sorry for your losses. PTSD can be shit for our partners too. Moving out might seem definite and final at the time, but second thoughts can occur. fingers crossed for that.

You are not the only one who is flying below the radar and keeping your name off lists.

There was work which I did in the past and may want to do again, that required me to make my medical records available for inspection by some bureaucrat...

Fortunately, so long as you follow some common sense precautions about using the net, it is a very big haystack for us to hide in.

A good therapist is certainly useful, and can offer all sorts of questions to get us working through things far faster than we ever could ourselves - but whether they are essential? perhaps not.

What is essential is a reality anchor - someone of ok intelligence who you can trust and who can help you recognize if you are getting into a downward spiral of one unduly negative thought leading to another, and another. If you don't have one in meat space, there are several dozen regulars here who between them, can fulfill that role 24/7 365.

For essential skills, Pete Walker's C-PTSD site has some really good resources for dealing with flashbacks and giving you some self soothing skills.

There are a couple of essential reads in the vault here, particularly the "stress cup".

Keeping yourself safe, and look after yourself and your little girl are the essential first steps in recovery.

as you are already involved with social services, you may be able to get onto the CBT training courses that are being run as part of an "increasing access to psychotherapies" program/initiative in Britain.

CBT aims to teach the recipient the skills to become their own therapist, and your work with children would be an ideal justification for you to get on such a course...

welcome to the forum.
@

 

[Harley. Q]

:sorry:

Welcome to the Forum! WE CARE!!!
You do have valid concerns about the little girl you are caring for. It sounds like you have been actively involved with other people and their healing. You have already learned so much. It would be devastating to her, to be taken away, and I would be the same about protecting her. Maybe you will be able to apply some of what you have learned to yourself? How long will you have this little girl?

Instead of looking at the ENTIRE problem at once...maybe baby steps are best. Could you talk to your GP, and see if he/she would treat your major symptoms, maybe with an antidepressant, which might enable you to sleep, and have more clarity about the situation? Just realizing what is going on with yourself is huge!

:hug:Hugs for your bravery, and:hug:hugs for what you have been through!
AKJ

Thank u for the hugs Angelkeeper :hug:
My last post/concerns still apply, but I think you are right to point out that what I feel, know and can learn myself is and could be applied to the way I help and care for the children who need me. Maybe that is why I am top of my game in this line of work (fyi I don't like calling my children work but can't think of another word to reference it :sorry:). I didn't become a therapeutic foster carer until I experienced my own trauma and was drawn to this lifestyle instead of going back to my regular job of teaching - which pays a hell of a lot more and I spent 5 years at college and university qualifying to do! I worked really hard to become qualified as a specialist 'therapeutic' foster carer and I get great satisfaction from helping all of my children work through and recover from their own unimaginable traumas and from building a sacred and life-long bond with them. I have cared for and worked with children who have been human trafficked and exploited in many ways and even after flying 7 of them back to sanctuary in their home countries (once they are ready to take that step) they still go to great lengths to remain in touch with me. No other foster parent has ever flown children back home because it's just not part of the job description, but I couldn't imagine abandoning them for that major final and terrifying step in their journey.

I think I will take your advice and just have a conversation with my GP off the record (I know he will support that), and see if there is some way to start dealing with my PTSD in a subtle and non-labelling way :shy:

 

[Harley. Q]

Thanks Anarchy I will look into the CBT course.
I was very lucky to be selected for some specialist training with the NSPCC about 2 years ago and I must admit I did use a lot of the techniques to help myself through a distressing 'transition of care' of 2 girls back to their home country (the move was court ordered but the children weren't emotionally ready to return and there was a great deal of concern for their safety by the UK authorities).
Maybe I will re-visit the material and see if I can apply some of those techniques whilst looking into the CBT courses.

 

[Neverthesame]

Welcome. I understand your trepidation about seeking help, it is absolutely a risky move. It can end a career. It shouldn't, (but that's a angry rant I'll save for another thread).

What I will say however, getting help probably killed my chances of returning to my career field. It is still a bitter pill. At the same time, it was necessary for me. I would have either killed my career, myself or by accident or negligence someone else. I drank, all the time. I was angry, miserable and honestly a danger to myself. A handful of sleeping pills and a bottle of scotch was the only way I could sleep.

Of course I am not saying that this is you, or where you will end up. Everyone is different. For me, my career was the cause of my ptsd. I have had to let it go. Still makes me sad, but it was for the best.

Once again, I am not trying to make assumptions about you, or tell you what to do. I hope you find some help and support here.

 

[NovemberStar]

hi there

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.

i DO encourage you to seek help, and sooner rather than later.

thing is - if you DON'T seek help things are unlikely to improve - if anything it will get WORSE.

it sounds like at the moment, despite your huge struggles with the symptoms, you are doing a great job with your foster daughter. but left unchecked, untreated - this isn't likely to continue - id see you at being MORE at risk of sling her if you DON'T seek treatment and support.

and it is possible to be really sick and still work - i am a health professional working in obstetrics - i am responsible for the lives of mothers and their unborn babies - my professional body are aware off my struggles and guess wheat? i still work ;)

best thing for you = and your daughter - is to seek the help and support you NEED. it really isn't an option IMO.

getting help and treatment means you will have the resources and medical treatment you need to COPE with the symptoms. it might be you do need medication to help the symptoms. it might be you also need a lot of therapy - but as i said, without seeking the help you need, things are unlikely to improve.

you don't need to suffer alone - i hope you can see your GP and get the support you need

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Harley welcome to the forums. Take it day at a time. PTSD is huge, takes a lot to heal. You can do this by learning how to cope with it and you can get support from here.

 

[digger]

am so scared that by accepting professional help I will lose the little girl I am currently caring for, and that would have such a detrimental affect on her both short and long-term as she is at a crucial stage in her own recovery and I am her one trusted adult.

Please don't kid yourself that you are not getting help in order to protect the little girl in your care. By not accepting professional help, you are also putting her at risk. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you only have to look at the number of people on this site who are still suffering the effects of growing up in homes with parents with untreated mental health conditions to see that. As a therapeutic foster carer you should be well aware of the kind of damage that can do. She is already extremely vulnerable and I really think you need to check with yourself whether it's fair on her for you to not get help.

If I have to be referred to Mind or CAMHS (Mental Health Services in UK

CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, so I don't understand why you would be referred to them if you are 29? As Mind is a charity, I also think that's unlikely to be your GPs first call for referral, more likely to be something within the NHS?

Is finding a therapist privately an option for you rather than going through the NHS?

 

[Harley. Q]

CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, so I don't understand why you would be referred to them if you are 29? As Mind is a charity, I also think that's unlikely to be your GPs first call for referral, more likely to be something within the NHS?

Is finding a therapist privately an option for you rather than going through the NHS?

CAMHS has a branch called YellowHouse specifically set up to work with therapeutic foster carers to help manage their own trauma regarding disclosures of abuse by children in their care. So I think this would be the first port of call as Social Services can access my recovery more easily as it is 'in house' and also the CAMHS team who they work alongside are doing direct work with my little girl already, so it would just make sense.

I acknowledged in my initial post that I needed help and that this forum was a hopeful first step towards talking to a professional, and have already said that I am going to see my GP this week after many replies of support, advice and understanding from other posters. I am obviously fearful for my little girl and at the heart of it I am trying to protect her because the system just does not work in the non-judgemental and supporting way this forum does. I know I need help...I just wanted to air my thoughts and figure out the best way to go about it. :unsure:

ps, Neverthesame - I appreciate you sharing what you have been through with me, tough times :sorry: ...hugs to you :hug:

 

[Harley. Q]

Had a new tattoo this morning. I'd designed it because whenever my little cat Max was really poorly and I was unable to calm him my little girl and I discovered that playing or singing the song 'You and Me' from the film Blue Valentine (hence the Blue Heart) was the only thing that would settle him. After he passed away on Friday my tattoo artist added the little Halo above his head and I had it inked this morning.
RIP Max, you saved my life so many times, I'm so sorry you had to die young. I'm truly lost without you :cry:

 

[joeylittle]

That's truly a beautiful memorial tattoo, @Harley. Q - and welcome to the forum.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry for your loss.