Suicide and dissociative identity disorder

[Punky143]

Something we've struggled alone with most of our lives before we realized DID existed. We just thought everyone thought like us. Now that my t knows of all the parts and is the ONLY one who knows, we have tried to share more but not wanting to only rely on her cause we don't have any friends sucks. The most powerful part wants to be done with everything- the pain, anger, emotions, trying to fit in with society and the struggle to find good with anything. The rest of us sadly are too. This is a terrible thing to deal with alone and more intense than ever before. Any demands from people, work and home just give more reason to move forward. The ability to hide this from the outside people is failing and that brings me great sadness and scares us. It's hard enough for me to deal with this but to help and listen to 20+ parts seems like a no win fight. And it's all on me and only me. The person who never signed up to have this condition and was treated in ways that lead to it. I'm angry, sad and lonely. Encouraging words appreciated right now.

 

[Sideways]

Suicidality is really tough to deal with. Finding opportunities to be kind to my parts that are struggling the most was definitely one of the most important ways that I started to address it once I was receiving effective treatment for my DID. It makes sense that parts, who may have only existed during our worst trauma in the past, don’t see much reason to keep fighting.

But now that you know them, and can reach them, at times when you are safe, showing them (and yourself) that kindness and soothing is now part of their life can be incredibly powerful.

Won’t lie this, it hasn’t been a quick-fix situation for me. If it helps? You aren’t alone - no matter how isolated you feel.

 

[Renly]

DID is really lonely and really painful.

But even when it feels like there is no hope and the pain will never end…there is and it does. Beginning. Middle. End.

For us, our T has been out #1 major supporter, but we realized we need more support to be healthy. We are slowly taking calculated risks and its taken time, but we are slowly growing our support network.

We have worked really hard with our sducidal parts. With time, practice, and compassion, the intensity and duration of suicidality has lessened. It’s not gone, but it’s not as horrible as it used to be. We remind ourself that the suicidal parts really are here to help in the way they know how…mostly by reminding us there is a way to make the pain stop. But we remind them, it’s not a good decision for today. And coping skills help us push through until we can exit out of the suicidal phase an re-regulate. It is difficult. It is a practice.

DID is hard. And sad. And lonely. But it CAN improve. There is also a growing community out there if you are willing/ready to explore at some point. You need not suffer alone forever.

Sending love and understand. I’m really sorry…It’s taken some major work, but I’m at a place now where I do believe DID is a gift, but I still wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Just know you are not alone. Sending loads of love and support your way. To all parts.

 

[Midnightmoon]

No answers but nodding along vigorously to everything you've put. It's not fair, it's not ok and it's absolutely crap that we are left holding the (both litteral and metaphorical) pieces.

That sense of very rightly placed injustice, rage and horror are, I'm reliably told, is what helps us to heal. But DID is messy, so bloody messy, an endurance mission of a marathon rather than a sprint. I'm sorry it's all so awful at the minute, holding gentle hope that things start to soften soon for you. Slowly slowly

 

[Punky143]

Suicidality is really tough to deal with. Finding opportunities to be kind to my parts that are struggling the most was definitely one of the most important ways that I started to address it once I was receiving effective treatment for my DID. It makes sense that parts, who may have only existed during our worst trauma in the past, don’t see much reason to keep fighting.

But now that you know them, and can reach them, at times when you are safe, showing them (and yourself) that kindness and soothing is now part of their life can be incredibly powerful.

Won’t lie this, it hasn’t been a quick-fix situation for me. If it helps? You aren’t alone - no matter how isolated you feel.

Thank you, I appreciate your response. Especially helping to remind us that we aren't alone when we feel the opposite.

 

[Punky143]

DID is really lonely and really painful.

But even when it feels like there is no hope and the pain will never end…there is and it does. Beginning. Middle. End.

For us, our T has been out #1 major supporter, but we realized we need more support to be healthy. We are slowly taking calculated risks and its taken time, but we are slowly growing our support network.

We have worked really hard with our sducidal parts. With time, practice, and compassion, the intensity and duration of suicidality has lessened. It’s not gone, but it’s not as horrible as it used to be. We remind ourself that the suicidal parts really are here to help in the way they know how…mostly by reminding us there is a way to make the pain stop. But we remind them, it’s not a good decision for today. And coping skills help us push through until we can exit out of the suicidal phase an re-regulate. It is difficult. It is a practice.

DID is hard. And sad. And lonely. But it CAN improve. There is also a growing community out there if you are willing/ready to explore at some point. You need not suffer alone forever.

Sending love and understand. I’m really sorry…It’s taken some major work, but I’m at a place now where I do believe DID is a gift, but I still wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Just know you are not alone. Sending loads of love and support your way. To all parts.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I've had parts all my life, they are my family so some help, while others don't (or at least not in the same way) but it's as if we lead a double secret hidden life. We have coping skills but willfulness must be conquered first.