Testing the waters of relationships - and bolting

[willhealeventually]

I have been single for nearly 2 years and diagnosed with ptsd over a year ago.
Recently, I decided to see if I can still have relationships. I went on one date and the guy was over-the-top hyper. It made me very uncomfortable. He also started bring up sexual things in conversation and I could feel rage welling up. I went home, blocked his number and said ok maybe this was just a really wrong guy for me.
Then, another guy called me. He sounded like a gentleman and was very slow-spoken and polite. But he said “i have needs too”. Immediately, that stood out for me and I didn’t want anything to do with him.
Then, I took my profile off the dating site and decided it’s not happening. Bottom line is I won’t let anyone near me. I can feel that.
It looked good to me seeing my friends with partners, dating. But the truth is I don’t want to meet anyone’s needs.
I think I even feel a little sad that I don’t “have needs” at all. I was doubtful, but it’s confirmed.
I feel repulsed by sex to the core of my being. It’s not a theory now - I’ve confirmed it.
Ironically, I don’t feel like anything is wrong with me for a change. I’m thinking that this is just the way it is now and maybe forever. The point is is I am not trying to fix it. I don’t care to.
Possibly, I got too close and triggered and that’s why I bolted. But I also feel that even if I had the perfect partner, whatever that means, I’d still feel the same...

 

[ChildofGod]

I also got triggered the last time I attempted dating. It's horrible. I'm glad you can see they were triggers for you and what to avoid.

It's perfectly okay to never desire that again. For a long time I wanted to be a nun, not because I believed as I wanted a safe sanctuary away from men.

I don't ever see myself in wanting a boyfriend anymore and I certainly don't want anything physical.

I am happy to feel that way. (I may change my mind or not. Very doubtful, however)

I support your decision.

 

[willhealeventually]

I also got triggered the last time I attempted dating. It's horrible. I'm glad you can see they were triggers for you and what to avoid.

It's perfectly okay to never desire that again. For a long time I wanted to be a nun, not because I believed as I wanted a safe sanctuary away from men.

I don't ever see myself in wanting a boyfriend anymore and I certainly don't want anything physical.

I am happy to feel that way. (I may change my mind or not. Very doubtful, however)

I support your decision.

@Gentle Blue Sea we have that in common - on an off I wanted to be a Buddhist nun. It took this far to piece together how I wanted to avoid physical relationships.
I tried to be with women too. I couldn’t. It’s not the gender - it’s any sex, basically. I just can’t do it.
Thank you for your support!

 

[ChildofGod]

You are very welcome, SeekingAfrica! You don't have to explain to me or anyone else. Your decision is justified, whatever the reason(s).

I am happy you made a decision, that is your own, for you to decide.

 

[Butterfly64]

I have been single for nearly 2 years and diagnosed with ptsd over a year ago.
Recently, I decided to see if I can still have relationships. I went on one date and the guy was over-the-top hyper. It made me very uncomfortable. He also started bring up sexual things in conversation and I could feel rage welling up. I went home, blocked his number and said ok maybe this was just a really wrong guy for me.
Then, another guy called me. He sounded like a gentleman and was very slow-spoken and polite. But he said “i have needs too”. Immediately, that stood out for me and I didn’t want anything to do with him.
Then, I took my profile off the dating site and decided it’s not happening. Bottom line is I won’t let anyone near me. I can feel that.
It looked good to me seeing my friends with partners, dating. But the truth is I don’t want to meet anyone’s needs.
I think I even feel a little sad that I don’t “have needs” at all. I was doubtful, but it’s confirmed.
I feel repulsed by sex to the core of my being. It’s not a theory now - I’ve confirmed it.
Ironically, I don’t feel like anything is wrong with me for a change. I’m thinking that this is just the way it is now and maybe forever. The point is is I am not trying to fix it. I don’t care to.
Possibly, I got too close and triggered and that’s why I bolted. But I also feel that even if I had the perfect partner, whatever that means, I’d still feel the same...

Hi? Ex supporter here. When I left my ex in May, I was so pissed at him, that I decided to pay for a month on Tinder...as I did a year ago, when he did something which made me flee. And let me tell you that a LOT of men, and some women probably too, are only on Tinder and other dating sites, to get either one booty calls or a friend with benefits? Now in my book that is not fair at all to all the people on these sites, who are there to find genuine love. People who just want to get laid, ought to be on sites, which are specifically designed for just that!
I completely understand your frustration...going on a date was a BIG step for you and it was very unfortunate that he started talking about sex, which in my book is soooooooo not okay! And the guy on the phone talking about his needs....seriously! Both times I paid for a month on Tinder, a year apart, I matched with some really good looking guys...admittedly I still love my sufferer and being on Tinder was just me being pissed and hurt and definitely not the right way to move on. Anyway, some of the guys with whom I matched were in there forties and fifties...so you would think, they were mature and looking for a relationship....nooooo...think again ? They wanted to hook up for sex on the first “date”...I mean come on...there are women who are willing to meet up with a complete stranger and have sex with them right away and if that is what they enjoy, then who am I to judge, but that is just not for me...I want a long-term relationship....preferably for life.
I am truly sorry that these men had to talk talk about sex right away...that would have put me off right away too! And I understand that it sets you back, which is so unfair...but bear in mind that you have it a go at it and I believe that the best way to meeting a good guy is in real life, which takes time. So head up You did a very brave thing...you tried and just happened to run into some assholes who should a completely different site...not a dating site. One day you will meet the right guy ???