Therapist Reaction When Telling Them Something Hard

[Cleo6]

Hi everyone on Fri I'm giving my t a letter telling her about abuse that happened as a kid. I'm so nervous and am getting stressed over how she will react or say. When you have disclosed something hard can I ask what sort of thing your therapist said or how she reacted. Thank you

 

[Deleted member 541]

You shouldn't be nervous. Therapist are there to help. They don't make judgements on our abuse, or what someone has gone through. Some of the things I disclosed to my therapist actually made him cry once.

Try to relax. Just do some deep breathing.

 

[Codladh]

When I've had to tell my T things i didn't even want to say, I was only ever met with understanding and kindness. She is never shocked even though I think some of my memories are horribly graphic and violent. And even though it often takes me a few tries to say something ,the feeling of release is instant. I am always glad I've finally said it.

Hope you feel better once you have let your T read the letter. ..from my experience, it can't make me feel worse.

 

[Crystal Rose]

My therapist tends to frown a lot when I talk about physical abuse or very very heavy stuff. It's hard to muster up the courage and initially I felt really badly and continue to be hard on myself when I'd see her frown. Now that I've gotten in more of a groove with her and gotten to know her better I've realized this is her showing empathy in a way that comes naturally to her. She's not a robot. I was worried about judgement but honestly they won't judge you. She always helps me come up with new ways to process traumatic moments and pulls me out of the dark places when I open up about them. EMDR is helping as well.

My last therapist it took me forever to open up to and now I just cry constantly to my new one. It was nice to realize that I could actually trust her. You never have to apologize. Good luck!! You can do it!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

My therapist tends to frown a lot when I talk about physical abuse or very very heavy stuff. It's...

Some therapist and in some inpatient and outpatient settings its common to be discouraged from getting into abuse. Many feel it does more harm to talk about abuse. And in some ways they are right. For instance when I was in PHP after having a manic crisis, while I knew my maladaptive behaviors came from my abuse, the focus was on coping skills, I was not having any problems with FB then, but the last day someone talked about there gang r.... and that when my FB began. My therapist for instance flat out said she is not trained for abuse related therapy, and for the abuse therapy referred me to Life Crisis Center (they do this therapy and deal with current rape victims), A similar path may work for you. There are people who are specifically qualified for this therapy which is called "exposure therapy"

 

[Missycat]

I was only able to open up about my abuse in writing and then i emailed it to my T.
She responded via email saying she realised it was hard for me and that i was brave.
I was nervous to face her at the next session, she sensed my uncomfortableness and left it to me to raise the email. This approach has worked well for me and although it was extremely hard there was also some sense of relief in that i had been able to tell someone.
My T regularly tells me i am brave, the only thing she did that alarmed me was to tell me that if my abuser was still in the country then due to the seriousness of what happened then she would have to report him ! This freaked me out but we dealt with it. She has never looked alarmed or disgusted , she actually told me that there is nothing i could tell her that would shock her. The 'feedback' or feeling i ever get is understanding and empathy.
I use mindfulness and deep breathing to support me when its difficult.
Good luck and stay strong.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I can understand all that @Missycat My first day with my therapist she went thru the usual questions about me, when she asked me about abuses history I started and quickly shutdown and she did not push it, but like you I did it over time on paper and email it to her. At that point I was in PHP when I had my first time with her, before the next session php end, and at the end of PHP I got triggered and the next time I saw her I was in crisis, and getting suicidal. That when she referred me to Life Crisis Center because they specialize in abuse, but they would not see me because I was suicidal and a mess mentally, it was not safe for them. But since I have been hospitalized at SP TDU and got skills to help me cope with the FB. And Life Crisis is now going to see me.

As far as the reporting thing Its federal law (CAPTA). My stuff is 35=50 years ago, they still had to report it all, even my medical doctor had to report it because she was privy to it.

Its strange before I went in the SP hospital I could not talk about my abuse but for seconds before shutting down and disassociating, but since I am able to, I just have to use what I learned to stay grounded otherwise it will overwhelm me. Needless to say I keep a lot of frozen oranges at a lot of places I am at regularly. I use frozen oranges a lot especially at home.

I think what ever method is safe to you internally to disclose abuse really does not matter, it's the work of getting it out and dealt with that is important.

 

[EveHarrington]

I had one therapist say nothing.

I had one therapist start asking me details.

I can't remember the rest as its only the bad experiences that stick out in my mind.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My therapist usually pauses. I think he's trying to gauge me. Sometimes he will ask more details. Sometimes he will ask me how i feel about it. Sometimes he will ask what i felt at the time. Sometimes he will say that its horrible and tell me why its horrible. Sometimes he lets me say it fast and then side step it, some times he won't let me side step it.

It depends on what it is and where i am mentally at the time.

 

[Cleo6]

Thank you everyone. I'm so nervous

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Anticipatory anxiety is normal! Don't be so hard on yourself. What you're feeling is real and scary.

Is this the first time you've disclosed something difficult to your therapist? Have you ever faced her following a disclosure via email before? I often find either handing him my journal entry or email prior to a session helpful. That way I don't have to explain what's happened over the last few weeks. I have a session tonight. I'm in crisis right now and have had to be in touch over the last couple of weeks for help. He always responds to any questions I have.

Since yesterday was particularly hard, he'll probably acknowledge that life sucks right now - he's right.

If your therapist is a trauma therapist, then she knows how to handle these things. There's probably little she hasn't seen before and obviously has a heart for people. She wouldn't be in this field if she didn't. Some therapists are just not helpful, but if you've developed a trust relationship with her, then even admitting to being afraid of this session is ok. She'll probably understand and validate your feelings simply for being honest with her.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I agree with @stp2012, me being someone that until recently never disclosed anything except on one occasion in 91, it's always hard the first time, it's like walking into an unknown, but once it's done, you can breath a sigh of relief and pat yourself on the back for not only getting thru it, but for taking the risk. For me it's been even harder, as even in therapy in the past, my hypervigilance prevented me from doing nothing but superficial work, so much its written in my records that way. So taking that risk was the hardest part for me. Doing the work became easier once I took the risk.