Ok, I've been involved in some serious traumatic events involving fire.
I was in a hotel fire in 2000 that saw me woken up accidentally, about 10 minutes before the roof fell in, and while fighting the fire I was seriously disorientated, suffered major smoke inhalation and felt extremely anxious while running, blind, along a hallway/verandah while unable to see my hand in front of my face due to thick, choking smoke. I also, while fighting the fire, got to see the roof start to collapse and have the flames coming over the top of me while walking backwards (the flames were moving faster than I could move) and I got seriously singed. Soon after that fire (about 3 weeks), there was another fire in a similar building (just up the road) in that instance, 15 people did not get out, they died in the thick smoke due to disorientation and smoke inhalation.
As such my dreams became filled with images of both what I experienced directly and what I experienced vicariously (ie. from television coverage of the fatal fire and the coroners report which I just had to read) and mixed up crap combining the two. In my dreams I was always woken too late, I was always disorientated due to thick, choking smoke and I could not find my way out. I never, ever got out, night after night I never ever got out.
Then in late 2009 I was involved in a fire at home. I was cooking, a pot full of oil caught alight and I went to shift it so it didn't burn the cupboards above the stove. My hand stuck to the handle, so I could not do what I meant to do next, which was use the fire blanket next to the stove to smother the flames (ever tried to operate on of them suckers left-handed with a burning pot in the right hand?), and as the cupboards were child-proofed, I couldn't open the cupboard to get a lid out, to smother the flames either.
I went to try and put the pot somewhere safe so I could get my hand off the handle, but I couldn't put it in the sink as there was a wooden ledge above it. I decided to put it down on the tiled floor in the laundry (not the polished floors in the kitchen) but I had forgotten that I'd put the dog out and not secured the back door. A gust of wind caught me en-route, I automatically (reflexively) threw my hands up to protect my face from the wind-driven flames, the pot left my hand, the burning oil went up and came down, next thing I know I'm covered in burning oil, I actually recall thinking "f*ck I'M ON FIRE!".
I knew the ground was covered in burning oil, so I didn't "stop, drop & roll", instead I patted the fire out with my hands (sustaining further burns in the process), then I used my bare feet to put out the fire on the ground. The pain was intense, when the fire was out, I immediately rang 000. When they answered I asked if they could "send an ambulance I have just been on fire", at which point they asked me to "calm down and ring back". I hung up and proceeded to walk into the shower fully clothed. I remember thinking that people scream and it seems to help with pain, so I tried it, but it did bugger all for me.
I ended up shifting the super-heated pot which had started burning into the floorboards, and rechecking to see if the fire was out, then I went out to the footpath to ring 000 again on the portable phone, I stood there on the footpath spraying the hose all over me. I had skin hanging off in strips from both arms, my ears were swollen balls of puss, I had virtually no hair, my face was bright red with large bulging sacs of fluid and my t-shirt and jeans had large white patches where the dye had been burned out. I was something of a sight, but no-one stopped and no-one helped, I had to save myself AGAIN. I ended up getting the ambulance to the Hospital then I was placed in an induced coma for 3 days, to deal with the pain (and while intubated to deal with the burns to my airways and lungs), I also had skin-grafts to both arms and both hands, as well as to my right foot.
The dreams and flashbacks after this were intense and way too vivid. The old dream had incorporated my newfound knowledge of what it actually feels like when fire bites and it didn't improve the overall picture very much at all. I now was trapped, couldn't get out, then on fire every bloody night, sometimes several times a night. I was also all alone and could rely on no-one but myself to get out, nobody was ever going to come and get me out if I was stuck.
As my nature is to go at fear or anxiety like a bull at a gate, and hiding from my nature obviously wasn't working that well, I decided to apply to join the local volunteer fire service. I was accepted in mid-2010 and commenced training at that time. I had one bad night, where the effects of a training day coupled with a minor incident at home (a heater exploded - I emptied an ABE (powder) extinguisher into it and that worked) saw me experience a new type of flashback, a total disassociation coupled with a vivid and compelling reliving of events that never actually happened, WHILE AWAKE. I've never experienced fear like it, I was actually tripping and it couldn't be stopped.
But I persevered, yesterday I went on a BA (Breathing Apparatus) training course. The course involved wearing Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus (SCBA) into enclosed spaces, with both simulated scenarios (smoke machines) and actual fire and smoke. Now, the actual fire and smoke situation didn't bother me all that much, but the simulation situation involved going into a training area, with dense white smoke and near total darkness, with furniture and other items strewn about in a chaotic manner, with no lifeline/guideline or hoses to use to find your way back out.
I HATED IT, I persevered, but I hated it. I used more air from my tank than anyone else due to the anxiety it produced and consequently my warning whistle went off sooner than expected. I was utterly disorientated (as was everyone else on the course) and had to actually stand there, mask on, trying to find my way out without panicking. I did not panic, but I had to be actually assisted out of the building by a training officer before I literally ran out air (I wasn't going to bust out by removing the mask which was an option we were given) and passed out.
Anyone else done this? Any ideas?
I was in a hotel fire in 2000 that saw me woken up accidentally, about 10 minutes before the roof fell in, and while fighting the fire I was seriously disorientated, suffered major smoke inhalation and felt extremely anxious while running, blind, along a hallway/verandah while unable to see my hand in front of my face due to thick, choking smoke. I also, while fighting the fire, got to see the roof start to collapse and have the flames coming over the top of me while walking backwards (the flames were moving faster than I could move) and I got seriously singed. Soon after that fire (about 3 weeks), there was another fire in a similar building (just up the road) in that instance, 15 people did not get out, they died in the thick smoke due to disorientation and smoke inhalation.
As such my dreams became filled with images of both what I experienced directly and what I experienced vicariously (ie. from television coverage of the fatal fire and the coroners report which I just had to read) and mixed up crap combining the two. In my dreams I was always woken too late, I was always disorientated due to thick, choking smoke and I could not find my way out. I never, ever got out, night after night I never ever got out.
Then in late 2009 I was involved in a fire at home. I was cooking, a pot full of oil caught alight and I went to shift it so it didn't burn the cupboards above the stove. My hand stuck to the handle, so I could not do what I meant to do next, which was use the fire blanket next to the stove to smother the flames (ever tried to operate on of them suckers left-handed with a burning pot in the right hand?), and as the cupboards were child-proofed, I couldn't open the cupboard to get a lid out, to smother the flames either.
I went to try and put the pot somewhere safe so I could get my hand off the handle, but I couldn't put it in the sink as there was a wooden ledge above it. I decided to put it down on the tiled floor in the laundry (not the polished floors in the kitchen) but I had forgotten that I'd put the dog out and not secured the back door. A gust of wind caught me en-route, I automatically (reflexively) threw my hands up to protect my face from the wind-driven flames, the pot left my hand, the burning oil went up and came down, next thing I know I'm covered in burning oil, I actually recall thinking "f*ck I'M ON FIRE!".
I knew the ground was covered in burning oil, so I didn't "stop, drop & roll", instead I patted the fire out with my hands (sustaining further burns in the process), then I used my bare feet to put out the fire on the ground. The pain was intense, when the fire was out, I immediately rang 000. When they answered I asked if they could "send an ambulance I have just been on fire", at which point they asked me to "calm down and ring back". I hung up and proceeded to walk into the shower fully clothed. I remember thinking that people scream and it seems to help with pain, so I tried it, but it did bugger all for me.
I ended up shifting the super-heated pot which had started burning into the floorboards, and rechecking to see if the fire was out, then I went out to the footpath to ring 000 again on the portable phone, I stood there on the footpath spraying the hose all over me. I had skin hanging off in strips from both arms, my ears were swollen balls of puss, I had virtually no hair, my face was bright red with large bulging sacs of fluid and my t-shirt and jeans had large white patches where the dye had been burned out. I was something of a sight, but no-one stopped and no-one helped, I had to save myself AGAIN. I ended up getting the ambulance to the Hospital then I was placed in an induced coma for 3 days, to deal with the pain (and while intubated to deal with the burns to my airways and lungs), I also had skin-grafts to both arms and both hands, as well as to my right foot.
The dreams and flashbacks after this were intense and way too vivid. The old dream had incorporated my newfound knowledge of what it actually feels like when fire bites and it didn't improve the overall picture very much at all. I now was trapped, couldn't get out, then on fire every bloody night, sometimes several times a night. I was also all alone and could rely on no-one but myself to get out, nobody was ever going to come and get me out if I was stuck.
As my nature is to go at fear or anxiety like a bull at a gate, and hiding from my nature obviously wasn't working that well, I decided to apply to join the local volunteer fire service. I was accepted in mid-2010 and commenced training at that time. I had one bad night, where the effects of a training day coupled with a minor incident at home (a heater exploded - I emptied an ABE (powder) extinguisher into it and that worked) saw me experience a new type of flashback, a total disassociation coupled with a vivid and compelling reliving of events that never actually happened, WHILE AWAKE. I've never experienced fear like it, I was actually tripping and it couldn't be stopped.
But I persevered, yesterday I went on a BA (Breathing Apparatus) training course. The course involved wearing Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus (SCBA) into enclosed spaces, with both simulated scenarios (smoke machines) and actual fire and smoke. Now, the actual fire and smoke situation didn't bother me all that much, but the simulation situation involved going into a training area, with dense white smoke and near total darkness, with furniture and other items strewn about in a chaotic manner, with no lifeline/guideline or hoses to use to find your way back out.
I HATED IT, I persevered, but I hated it. I used more air from my tank than anyone else due to the anxiety it produced and consequently my warning whistle went off sooner than expected. I was utterly disorientated (as was everyone else on the course) and had to actually stand there, mask on, trying to find my way out without panicking. I did not panic, but I had to be actually assisted out of the building by a training officer before I literally ran out air (I wasn't going to bust out by removing the mask which was an option we were given) and passed out.
Anyone else done this? Any ideas?
