We never have sexual intercourses anymore

[Krister]

Me and my girlfriend have been togheter for 6 months and love eachothers. it started great, we had alot of sex she always kissed me but it have slowly been disappearing. atm whe have only had sex 1 time in 2 months. the most frustrating thing is that she have given me so many reasons of why she dont want to have sex. tired, sick, vaginaisme, she just have a period where she dont want to have sex and it is normal that we have less sex when we have been togheter for a long time. but 6 months isnt long at all. and yesterday we were both happy and laying in bed was a good mood for sex but she just turned off light and went to sleep so i got frustrated and start asking why again. i was like dont you get turned off me anymore and she said yes she do but dont know why she dosent want sex. and i asked ¨if you had a new guy here would you be turned on then¨. she said i dont know. then i got more frustrated and she told me she had ptsd. but if she has ptsd why would she have so much sex with me in the start and be so touchy and always wanting to kiss but not when she feels more safe with me?

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Krister - Your girlfriend can say no to having sex with you for any reason and you must respect her when she says no. You can also say no to having sex with her and she must respect you when you say no. That is important for you to remember.

You have been with your girlfriend for only six months. It is quite common in new relationships for the sexual drive to be high. After a while it generally slows down a little. It is different for everyone.

PTSD is very complicated and it can be difficult to understand.

When you are not in bed with her maybe ask her about her PTSD and try and learn about how it effects her.

 

[Krister]

yeah i know i have to respect her i do. but it is just so hard for me because she dont want to talk about anything. she says she hate talking and that is making it worse

 

[somerandomguy]

If you're unhappy with the amount of sex you're having at 6 months in, you're going to be sad and depressed after you've been with her for several years and it hasn't gotten any better.

You aren't going to magically make her want to have sex with you, especially if she has trauma issues. If sex is really important to you, it might be best to break up and move on.

 

[Friday]

If you're unhappy with the amount of sex you're having at 6 months in, you're going to be sad and depressed after you've been with her for several years and it hasn't gotten any better

This.

You can generally expect the amount of sex you’re having long term to be 1/5th of what you started with.

Which is better than the whole, “if you put a penny in a jar every time you have sex during the first year of marriage, and take one out every time you have sex after that, it will last a lifetime.”

But it still means that daily people turn into weekly people, weekly people turn into monthly people, monthly people turn into birthdays and special occasions... maybe... people.

If sex is important to you? Making sure your libidos line up is also going to be a pretty important part of dating for you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe the romance has died?

 

[FragileGlass]

Six months just doesn’t seem long enough to know everything about someone. I can’t say what...... but! Something changed for sure. Not to be an instigator. Given that this is the first time she addressed PTSD and you ask if someone else would be better may have shut down communication. You let jealousy rule rather than compassion and trying to understand her issues.

 

[barefoot]

So, you’ve been together for six months and for the first four months you had a lot of sex but now you have only had sex once in the last two months?

I would imagine that you keep asking why she doesn’t want sex isn’t going to help. If her lack of desire/avoidance of sex/whatever it is for her is tied up with trauma and PTSD, you asking why she doesn’t want sex and doesn’t she find you attractive anymore and would she want to sleep with someone else etc is likely to be compounding whatever she is finding challenging about physical intimacy at the moment. It is likely to drive you further apart rather than bring you closer in bed.

I agree with others here - if sex is very important to you and, at this very early stage in your relationship, sex is pretty much off the radar, maybe it’s not a relationship that’s going to work for you.

If you choose to stay in the relationship, you’re going to have to live with the fact that you’re not going to get sex as much as you’d like at the moment. That may change and improve with time. It may not. It may end up with you having less sex than now or maybe none at all.

Whether you choose to go or stay though, badgering her for answers about why she won’t have sex with you or bringing up other scenarios and asking whether she would have sex if another guy was there etc isn’t a way to support her, to build intimacy (physical and emotional) or to get your sex life back on track.

 

[Deleted member 487]

There is a lot more to a relationship than just sex. I think that you should reflect on what created the relationship and explore what has kept you two together. If it's just sex, well, I wish you the best. If it's more than just sex, try exploring that further. I have no idea what you two to do together aside from the bedroom, but start doing more together outside. Maybe that is it. Maybe she wants you to pay more attention to her in other areas. I dunno. Worth looking into.

 

[B0103mcus]

Me and my girlfriend have been togheter for 6 months and love eachothers. it started great, we had alot...

My relationship or (past?), we has sex all the time in the first six months, but there after in the last two and half years, we have has sex may be 10 times. Am I okay with it, no way, but I know between his medication and diagnoses it is something that is going to an issue until he is ready to tackle it in therapy. I figure that he needs to work on just getting out of survival mode in therapy before he can focus on sex. Ita hars for me because I have a high limibo, but I have found to other means to take care of what I need to alone and work on intamcy with him outside of the physical part. Does it drive me mad at times? Does it have an impact on my self esteem? Yup and yup, but I work on that by myself and bring to his attention that it's something that needs to be dog eared and addressed when he is better.

Sorry typos. Darn phone and autocorrect.