Other What reasons were you given not to tell?

[Changing4Best]

Oh wow. The toy thing sounds very familiar. He threw my doll against the wall. Said, "that's what happens to bad girls." And laughed.

The laugh sounds familiar too. I can hear it. They were in their glory days then. However, that bastard got caught eventually and when he died, he had an awful cancer that caused him unimaginable pain. I celebrated the day he died.

 

[Missycat]

so difficult to read all the posts and so brave of people to share too. I also feel physically sick reading this and writing my thoughts / experience but at the same time it also feels the right thing to do ... if anything i do can be of help or support to others then i will give it a go:
The monster that abused me would say / threaten:
Bad things will happen to you
No one will believe you
Its your fault
You like it / you enjoy it
You will get hurt
You will die
You will be sent away
I wont do it to her if you do this ( i did things so he wouldnt abuse my sister - the bastard still did though)
You will be in trouble
You want it
I am teaching you things
You’d better not tell / i will hurt you
Please please - i love you
Lets have fun , lets play.
I was abused from 7 to 14 so the language and approach changed as i got older and as i became more ashamed and guilt ridden that it was my fault.
The UK judicial system did not believe that they could prove in court that he knew that what he was doing was ‘seriously wrong’ ! Because when i just gave in to his threats or said no or cried , pleaded i didnt make it clear that he may go to prison - as if i would know that at 7!
Anyway .. it is good to work on this with your T .. it can be difficult but im sure will help you on your road to recovery. Good luck.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I was told simply, "I'll kill you" and I believed it.

 

[Deanna]

That he would kill my mother ( step-father)

 

[Lionheart]

My dad used to beat me if he was angry with my mother and if he was angry at me, he would beat her. So, I believed that he would kill my mother if I told. Also I was deeply ashamed of the things the perp was making me do and I didn't want anyone to know about it.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Lionheart777 my heart goes out to you. How awful.

 

[Deanna]

My dad used to beat me if he was angry with my mother and if he was angry at me, he would beat her

Same here. { that sentence) If they weren't beating each other, they would be beating us.. Then as soon as one if them starred beating us Then they would beat up each other. ( nothing sexual out of my real father, or real mother)

 

[oakleaves]

I believed that something terrible would happen if I said anything and also that maybe it wasn't bad or was me being confused (at first) and then I was too ashamed. I felt like I was betraying my mum by doing it. Also like I was prostituting myself by letting him do things to me so that he wouldn't leave her because if he left her she would be broken. But i was never threatened or told anything bad would happen. It was implied not said. So that makes me feel even more a coward.

 

[Ronin]

I believed that something terrible would happen if I said anything and also that maybe it wasn't bad or was me being confused (at first)

But i was never threatened or told anything bad would happen. It was implied not said. So that makes me feel even more a coward.

Not a coward, Oakleaves...

Many times the implications are worse.

As in you can imagine everything.
Even things they wouldn't perhaps mean, or be capable of.

Add fear to that?
Add confusion as a starting point - and abusers using it to maximum and seeding yet worse fear?

That you were able to think of anything at all, and moved through while incredibly confused and scared - to no fault of yours - is incredibly brave.

Brave.
The opposite of coward.

Your abuser is a coward, here.
For needing to use threats to begin with.
And then not even having the balls to be concrete and easier reportable, but hiding behind veils and implications, and terrorizing you worse.

Abused children aren't prostituting themselves, either...
And those that factually are, are all just abused children.

Not kid whores. Not whores. Kids.

That the shame sticks to you even after all these years ain't mean it's yours to bear.

And you were & are brave living through it all.

 

[pamcoco]

I was allowed and spoke openly about our love affair (me 6/him 20). I was a parched soul in a desert and his fairytale, so hook, line and sinker, I never questioned it as mutual love until the aftermath of the assaults that happened in my early 40's. The reality that the family saw him come and go from my bedroom naked and were never alarmed by this or the intricate love story I repeated openly, sufficed to solidify a normalcy in an abusive reality.

 

[Changing4Best]

I was allowed and spoke openly about our love affair (me 6/him 20). I was a parched soul in a desert and his fairytale, so hook, line and sinker, I never questioned it as mutual love until the aftermath of the assaults that happened in my early 40's. The reality that the family saw him come and go from my bedroom naked and were never alarmed by this or the intricate love story I repeated openly, sufficed to solidify a normalcy in an abusive reality.

I am sorry that this happened to you, especially the assaults in your forties. Be well. I hope you are in therapy or had therapy on it in the past.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh, god. So many.

I guess the first biggest one is "we will find you and kill you" and that fear followed into adulthood where I literally would whisper in therapy. And I think that's why it took me 9 yrs to get into therapy and a year of therapy to admit why I was really there. I grew up in a cult. Knowing that makes a bit more sense as to why that fear was so strong. So many of them, spread out. Everyone carried a gun and we would go shooting often. Yeah!

Ok, so some of the rest are:

* God wants you to keep it to yourself. And "god says..." basically.

* This is what we believe and why. Cult beliefs.

* Outsiders are dangerous

* This is how families are to love each other. Normalicy. Or it was just normal.

There's many others but the fear of them is the #1 reason why I didn't tell then nor tell into adulthood. They made sure I knew they were still around all the way until they died. They knew that fear was strong as it was tortured into me. So, yeah.