When Should We Offer Opinions and/or Advice On This Forum?

[Nicolette]

One thing I really like about the forum is that folks are often up-front about what they think and how they view what I write about. Sometimes--often--other posters can see something brewing that I wasn't aware of. People here can see victories in my life that I am blind to, and they can see where I am having problems that I can't yet recognize.

I gave you some reputation for this post Kers.....very well said. :thumbs-up

 

[Nicolette]

I thought I did that...I guess not...more work to do! I really did think I had overcome taking a bad comment..

Pandora you are doing a great job and the fact that you can admit you have more work to do is also commendable. Life is a journey and learning is a process, you don't just get to work it out and retain it all in one day. :rolleyes:

If I could offer any advice to you I would suggest that if you read something and feel the urge to "stand up for yourself" or "explain yourself" walk away, have a cup of tea, come back and read it again, then reply if you must. Admittedly Anthony has taught me a lot as there have been times when things here on the forum have upset me and he would bluntly say to me....don't justify yourself....who gives a sh*t what someone else on the other side of the world thinks. While he is probably a little more blunt than I care to be I finally got his point and now I just ignore that kind of stuff....I don't give my power away to it by posting.

Hope that helps you......

 

[pandora]

Thank you Nicolette..your post helped me alot. It is funny because I am teaching my son impulse control too. I think your idea is right. I usually donèt let the posts bother me as much, unless it is someone I really feel connected to.

It made me realize that the negative sometimes takes over, I guess that is why I started my positive affirmations thread.

It feels like this healing process for me started 5 years ago..I really thought I would be at a more stable period now......that is how I realize that I need to start working on this again now that I am getting the proper treatment for my back, not so drugged and afraid and scared of epidurals every 6 weeks. So.....i think I may be a lifer here...just kidding.

Thanx for your help and Anthonys..oh, so manly words...he he he

 

[Frankie]

I truly believe when a person posts a thread, they should accept the opinion of others whether it be one they want to hear or not. If we only want to hear good things and want everyone to go along with what we say....why post then ?

We all have different opinions and life experiences, which can bring a different and new light to what someone else has written. And at times open our eyes and minds to other ways of coping and handling our situation. This is what a forum like this is all about....sharing, learning and offering opinions (whether we take them or not).

Sometimes writing here is much easier then talking to a family member or a friend. We don't know each other, we don't see each other and we don't take things personally....or at least we shouldn't :)

I have posted about my relationship here and there were many things I didn't like or want to hear....but at the same time those same replies were what helped me cope and see things for what they were.

I know that when I talk to my friends about what is bothering me......sometimes they are brutally honest, and only say the truth so I don't get hurt. Hard to hear, but I know that they have my best interest in mind.

It is the same thing here.....with the exception that we can log off ! :)

 

[anthony]

I truly believe when a person posts a thread, they should accept the opinion of others whether it be one they want to hear or not. If we only want to hear good things and want everyone to go along with what we say....why post then ?

Exactly... and let me just say, there are plenty of online communities that work on this premise... in that they just want you to agree with them and not to tell them the truth as another views it.

People often just cannot work out why they don't get better with such advice.... geez, you just don't need to be a genius to discover the difference between behavioural tenancies such as enabling, supporting a bad attitude or bad place one is within. It isn't healthy, though those who want the answer they have already concluded fill those communities until they discover its just not working for them, then they go looking for communities like this, where all opinions must be respected. Just because a person gives their opinion, it doesn't mean that opinion is right, it just means that is that persons opinion as they read it, view it.

More heads are better than one. The more ideas that are thrown around the better the outcome for the individual. This is no secret... just commonsense.

 

[Nicolette]

More heads are better than one. The more ideas that are thrown around the better the outcome for the individual. This is no secret... just commonsense.

Business use this philosophy....it is called brainstorming :wink:

 

[midi]

It works in relationships too, with small things. Like, something minor may have happened, I got an email from somebody and my view is that the person is happy. I tell a friend, and she says the person is angry. Oh, I never looked at it that way, I respond. If we only have our opinions to go by, we never grow, we become stagnant.

 

[becvan]

Automatically...I perceived the comment this is a mistake along a long line of mistakes....

I just wanted to point this out (since this comment keeps getting dragged into numerous other threads for no apparent reason other than to keep throwing it out there) that this comment said and I quote: "Pand this is probably the worst idea out of a long list of bad ideas, that I have ever heard. "

It did not say this is the worst idea Pandora ever had in a long list of bad ideas that Pandora had. It was a general comment. As in we all make bad decisions and bad mistakes. Everyone does. Including me.

I think a big issue with whether or not an opinion is allowable is how much readers are assuming. If it's assumed that someone gave their opinion to be mean and spiteful then of course that opinion becomes unwelcome. It's all based on assumptions! Oh the power of negative thinking!

I look at it this way, if someone did not want comments, thoughts, ideas, opinions etc.. then they wouldn't post it at all. If it's posted then people are going to give all sorts of feedback, both negative and positive. If someone can not handle that then they shouldn't be posting. I personally will not cowtoe to someone because if I disagree they will throw a fit. I say what I mean, I say what I think. I don't do it to be mean I just give my honest opinion. And guess what, honesty hurts. I also get as good as I give and not only expect that but I appreciate and respect the fact that others do not cowtoe to me either.

bec

 

[anthony]

Well said bec...

 

[pandora]

I agree but am still learning each time I come here. I also still think it got a bit blown out of proportion but it is over. No one is perfect and we all have bad days.

 

[cragger65]

I am just a newbie and this is an important topic to me. I know how I feel dealing with negative feedback... I don't do well with it, and it can send me into a spiral of self- doubt and loathing. In general, if I can be supportive or can relate and share on some level, I may respond. If not, I keep my mouth shut. That's just me.