Why is it difficult to verbalise things?

[oakleaves]

Same.

If I keep trying to push past that? My mind blanks. It’s like a big completely smooth white wall. Can’t talk. Can’t think. Then -if I’m stupid enough to push harder- my whole body loses its ever loving mind. The step beyond razor clawed vice around my heart, shaking, sweating, metal in my throat (the taste of adrenaline) that’s just kind of normal anxiety running hot verging on panic attack... to sparky sparky boom man :rolleyes: No thinking, just action = bad juju. Explosive unthinking unleashed rage. No bueno.

I feel like this is what happens to me. I just go blank and shut down. I find it really frustrating. It makes me feel silenced and like a child again.

 

[Mach123]

Because simply put, your voice gets taken away. Not your whole voice, that one. The one you needed just then to cry out for help.

But it's way more complex than that. Especially if you are reliving it and even worse (IMO) if it was mixed with pleasure.

Even to say simple things . My wife and I had this conversation just yesterday I think she said "you're always lying". I said "I never am, I'm evasive." She said why and I said "because I can't tell anyone ever, because I'm a small child with a big secret."

I'm not a small child though I'm in my sixties and I still see the flash backs. I just started calling them that in the last few months, what I thought were fantasys were actually flashbacks and partial flashbacks.

 

[Ellabella44]

Its hard to talk about things. At first when I felt I could tell my husband I wrote to him.

Things too painful that saying them out loud makes them present and I feel some sensations like having my hands held above my head and being pushed to my knees so I could be beaten with a yard stick And sometimes they broke when my step father did this.

To verbalize that brings up the sensation that my hands are being forced up to be held again. I'm feeling pushed to my knees again. And I end up shutting down and going quiet because no ammount of begging, apologising or crying made it stop.

Then again verbalizing I end up feeling that after I do so, that person will just see me as someone's victim or will pity me. I hate that feeling and I hate that I still have trouble with this. I'm trying to move forward from the stuff in my head and the feelings in my body and sometimes verbalizing makes me feel like I'm standing back in time when things happened.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I just wondered whether anyone knows why it can be so difficult to actually verbalise the words and say CSA, abuse, whatever? Or to verbally say 'he touched me' or 'he put x in this place' or whatever?

What makes it so difficult? Like what is the process behind that not being able to verbalise things? Do you know. (Is it shame, or is it like a part of you holding you back because it's terrified, or is it just complete overwhelm and dissociating because it feels so threatening?)

Also when things are stuck (like memories are stuck and the same ones replay and the same images flash into your mind or the same smells or light or whatever it is) how are you supposed to move past that?

Sorry lots of questions.

About Glitching.....

My word for not being able to access my words-verbal glitching. Emotions and speech not working together....happens in the brain...long term trauma....is like a brain injury of sorts. Gotta make new neural pathways for speaking about the trauma....till you don't glitch anymore. Exposure therapy I think helps this if you are brave and talk about it over and over till glitching stops...???

My word for the videos, flashbacks, head images repeating---looping. It's how my brain copes....a warning system....gone awry. Hence, the brain just keeps playing the same theme and images over and over cause it is feeling fear or anxiety over safety issues.....it's kind of a mental image glitching because it keeps on playing when there is no real safety issue. Like a button is stuck in the on position....when it is not necessary.

 

[galaxies-far-away]

I do find drawing helps generally. So I will try that. Thank you. I sometimes draw things I feel. I do think it helps to process things a bit.

for me writing helps I can’t verbalize it though without experiencing the trauma again

 

[TruthSeeker]

Journal writing helps me, too. Verbalizing is hard...yeah, I relive it ......drawing helps with some aspects of "getting it out" and poetry also is a good-a different way of writing.

 

[badbrainday]

i didn’t read through all of the replies on this thread, so my apologies if it’s already been said. I remember learning that when remembering a traumatic event, Broca’s Area in the brain can go offline. This is the area responsible for speech, meaning when you are trying to recount a traumatic event the part of your brain that lets you say it out loud sort of shuts down.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

My theory is that when you are in a traumatic situation, as we all know, our brain goes into survival mode. The whole adrenaline-fight-flight-freeze response means your brain needs to turn on and amp up the adrenaline and parts of it needed for you to take immediate action and survive- talking not being one of those brain areas.
So when recalling traumatic events that we are still emotionally connected to, perhaps we flip that switch- the one of your brain recalling the event and hence needing to keep you in the alert ready to take action state- not talking state. All the sweating, freezing or panicing and needing to run, or racing mind, or hypervigilance, it's all signs of the brain telling us we're still in danger and needing to take action.

And so as we get better mentally we are more able to talk because the memory doesn't immediately snap us into protective take action mode anymore, or at least not all the time. And on the flipside managing to verbalize some of these things and recognising them we can store them more and more into past and memories and things our brain can start formulating and contemplating now that it doesn't feel in immediate danger.
Does any of that make any sense? Those are just my thoughts, not saying I'm right- just putting my 2cents in.

If I keep trying to push past that? My mind blanks. It’s like a big completely smooth white wall. Can’t talk. Can’t think. Then -if I’m stupid enough to push harder- my whole body loses its ever loving mind. The step beyond razor clawed vice around my heart, shaking, sweating, metal in my throat (the taste of adrenaline) that’s just kind of normal anxiety running hot verging on panic attack... to sparky sparky boom man :rolleyes: No thinking, just action = bad juju. Explosive unthinking unleashed rage. No bueno.

That is me word by word in the bad moments. Thankful those are less now. But when they are here I am still very much at a loss to stop them, more like need to wait them out sometimes.

Shelter / turtle up somewhere. Wait the wave out. Holler in smallest words possible. Do energy saving small nontrauma/safe world actions. Signal to yourself you are okay, trauma beast showing horns ain't the devil up for dealing with, just somewhere floated up.

That. Having a wave right now so I'm curled up under 2 blankets in bed, quite literally.