I don't like when someone shouts at me.

[Jazmine]

I start feeling scared when someone shouts at me. start having that feeling of doom and my body starts going numb. Whatever feeling of safety I build up, it just flies away, like I have never felt safe, then all I want sit in a corner with my blanket...
..... I wonder how long it will take me to be okay and not feel like this every time.

 

[Movingforward10]

Shouting can be (always is?) aggressive. So not surprising you feel unsafe?

Is there more context you want to share about it?

From what you say, sounds sensible to start to feel something is off if someone is shouting at you? Would be worrying if you didn't have a reaction to someone shouting?

 

[Muttly]

I agree with Movingforward. Do you want to say more about what brought this up for you? Being shouted at is definitely unpleasant at best. It tends to make me feel sick inside.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Any shouting, be it at my, around me, or overheard, just sends me straight back to feeling like I'm that abused little kid again.

Everyone has a different reaction to raised voices, some walk away, some run, some stand their ground and some join in.

 

[NIKI]

It makes me want to cry.

Whatever feeling of safety I build up, it just flies away, like I have never felt safe, then all I want sit in a corner with my blanket...

 

[Starfire]

I start feeling scared when someone shouts at me. start having that feeling of doom and my body starts going numb. Whatever feeling of safety I build up, it just flies away, like I have never felt safe, then all I want sit in a corner with my blanket...
..... I wonder how long it will take me to be okay and not feel like this every time.

I understand. I stop thinking. I stop understanding a word that is being said. I go straight to *me bad* need to be hiding, can't even think of escape. Your are not alone. Take care of yourself.

 

[Jazmine]

Shouting can be (always is?) aggressive. So not surprising you feel unsafe?

Is there more context you want to share about it?

From what you say, sounds sensible to start to feel something is off if someone is shouting at you? Would be worrying if you didn't have a reaction to someone shouting?

..... it's because I thought I dealt with it......my reaction tells me I haven't

It's like intellectually I understand but emotionally to just let go of the moment becomes quite difficult, I shouldn't be stuck in that very moment...but in reality it takes me time and..... lots of self pep talk and crying ...just to get out of it at an emotional level.(and I when don't want the person in front of me that I am feeling this... that's another thing altogether)

I understand. I stop thinking. I stop understanding a word that is being said. I go straight to *me bad* need to be hiding, can't even think of escape. Your are not alone. Take care of yourself.

Appreciate it.
For me sometimes it's like, if I close my eyes, I'll block out everything....ofc it doesn't work, but still can't stop doing it..almost every time.

 

[Changing4Best]

I grew up in a home where shouting was the norm for parents, but not for children. It was their daily sport. They had special nasty names for each other and ways to tell the other parent off with gusto. There was never any peace in that house.

I left there as soon as I finished my last high school class.

 

[Friday]

Meant to answer this earlier, I was having a bad month...

..... I wonder how long it will take me to be okay and not feel like this every time.

It took my son about 3 years to not associate all kinds of yelling with LOOKOUT!, and all kinds of loud anger -including his own, and himself- as abusive/dangerous.

It did NOT help that I get very quiet when I get angry. Not timid quiet, but lock someone’s joints up and throw them out of the house, wink & dust my hands off; or purring quiet if I’m warning someone. So his experience was that his dad was this big loud rage monster, and the person who protected him he didn’t even see AS getting angry.

It probably did not help -although it may have? I suspect not. Since the triggers and stressors I have no control over at my parents just get worse and worse, I’d expect a similar thing for him- that we were staying at my parents for those years, and my mom is always screaming about something, at least a few times a day. (Operatically trained, the woman has pipes). My mom’s not abusive, she’s just LOUD. She’s the primary reason a rule in MY house is “When is it okay to yell? When there’s danger, or you’re far away.” ((Which doesn’t mean it’s he only time, it just means if you want to be screaming & cheering at the ballgame, or in the pool? Ask or let people know you’re about to be super loud having fun.)) Because bitching/moaning/caterwauling annoys the ever loving f*ck outta me. No trigger/stressor, I just don’t like it.

What HELPED THE MOST was joining the football team. Short concentrated bouts of both yelling AND directed anger, that he knew exactly when it was going to happen, and for how long, and was tied to explosive bursts of energy. ((I often wonder how much the yelling in bootcamp is really combat prep, and how much is deprogramming the abused kids that flood the services.)) In less than 3 months over spring training? He was over 80% sorted on his yelling & anger triggers. By the end of summer, it takes him being sick, or stressed out about something else, for other peoples loudness or anger to punch him in the gut.

That very much tracks for my own dealing with triggers/stressors. Most are blunted down to nerf-level or totally gone inside of about 6mo. A few sort really quickly, in days/weeks; a few hang on for years... but most, that I’m actively working on sorting are dealt with in 6mo or less.

 

[coraxxx]

I had a phase where I was very shouty and intimidating because it was the only way I found to defend myself. Over time and under more pressure hearing others shouting still trigger rage, but instead of responding I get cold rage and snap just at once. Not nice. If I'm still in control I'd say something clenched like "if you continue shouting I will leave", or I just leave. Otherwise I know I have a potential for escalation.

But yeah I don't think anyone primarily likes to be shouted at. It is intimidating. But what truly scares me to death is when you hear the change in the voice of the person shouting. That's where I draw the line between yelling and screaming. Yelling is a way to make yourself louder. Not nice buy bleh. Shouting is already a level above with generally some form of overpowering will. Screaming is where the voice starts to tear off, either because of rage or fear. It's not necessarily louder. But sure it's terrifying. It's the moment the person in front of you is really freaking the f*ck out. And from there who knows what kind of shit can happen? It's the sign of very serious aggression going on, from or towards the person who's screaming. Also different types, but always some fear involved in it, even when aggressive. It's a sound that is made to be scary and activating just as a baby crying sound is unbearable. It's wired in us.

I can't stand people raising their voice in a conversation but the krav maga trainer shouting at everyone to make us run I find it quite soothing actually. You are certain it's a shouting that hasn't any consequence. All that you get is that you're sweaty and exhausted. You don't have to think about what you have to do with yourself. You're told to run, then you run. It's simple. That simplicity feels safe. (In places that are safe. I don't know if I can tolerate true military training but I defo get that some might look after it for these reasons as Friday pointed. In a club you have given your consent to be shouted at. That changes everything).

When I'm shouted at I really tend to provoke further and find something that makes the person lose it for good. God knows why, I think it's a tactic to cancel the threat and finally having the real thing, but it isn't a very good strategy in life. I can't always manage that it will not happen, but I can now identify small moments I actually can decide not to act as I would normally do. Self scanning, are you sweating, is it rampaging, it can be very short but there is always some kind of internal curve and it's your window to pick to replace a response by another. Feeling the emotional flashback arising, you leave the room or wherever you are so you avoid the peak. Then that window gets a big longer. And so and on until it reduces.

Also seeing people shouting in films did help. Any kind of safe exposure. Plus you can turn the volume down. You have control. Replace a narrative with another. Layer masks while you're sorting yourself out inside.

Some like to listen to heavy metal. Not personally my cup of tea. But music that is an aggressive wall of sound has a good potential of desensitizing to loudness. I'm more sensitive to certain frequencies than anothers. Perhaps narrowing down the yelling problem you can try to identify what kind of yelling you have a problem with, what's its context, what responses you find would be appropriate, assess if your response is appropriate (it's always possible) and so and on... So instead of having one big generalized trigger you can have more precise triggers and eventually be able to anticipate them. If it makes sense?

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

I can't stand when people shout at me, but I remember there was a period where I was so angry, and if anyone seemed threatening to me or I felt unsafe around someone, I would become very very angry and shout. It wasn't because I wanted to hurt anyone, I was hurting inside because I was through a long period where nobody would listen to what I had to say or listen to anytime I shared my story. Over time the anger wore off thankfully and I was relieved of it because it honestly wore me out so much. Anytime I was angry, I ended up taking long naps, waking up, and crying. In the end, I ended up isolating myself from people because I was scared of my own self. It took me a long time to realize what was even going on or that I was dealing with PTSD, but later on, it made perfect sense to me. I ended up apologizing to those who I yelled at and explained to them what I was going through and that it wasn't right for me to come off the way I did.

 

[Starfire]

Have been dealing with this as well as anger and rage. What I've recently learned is I don't know how I will respond. Neighbor was having a shouting match in their back yard. I went into the house frightened and struggling not to dissociate. Man, rather large, was shouting at small woman about having to mask up in the store. I felt anger and ready to step between them. Say anger as I didn't feel out of control. Another similar event in a restaurant and I thought I was feeling anger but suddenly totally shaking, anxious and knew lose of control was about to happen. Made it to my car. Hard to explain if you didn't hear it was all the same decibels.

Not new to PTSD, unfortunately. But this is such a change from my old, *familiar* response! So I very much appreciate your info.