Givrali
MyPTSD Pro
With moving alone came way too much changes. I'm happy I left my group home, it was the right decision. But I'm still very undecisive about making decision regardless the topic. So I would like to know what other people think about my situation and view the fact I think it's better for me to leave the forum for the moment
I came here like 2 months ago, mostly posted on my own diary but at first reading everthing. When I felt too bad to read to other posts I felt like I was missing my "duties". but it's not the point, I didn't came to stock every single information in my brain. I'm not in a trauma contest (which is always unhealty). It's suffer peer support. But I still can't relate to my own words, my own reality.
Feat of judgment always was hard on me. And I can't accept the reality of my suffering. I never could. I still can't.
writing it down here or elsewhere is painful to me. my suffering shouldn't exist because I don't deserve the sympathy that comes with it. People would sympatise with sufferer so there is no way I'm suffering. Sympathy can't come to me because I'm too guilty to deserve it. Also I'm too guilty to be autorized to be happy, I don't deserve it neither.
Well that out of the point, I'm talking about things I shouldn't because it's not the point of this post.
So yeah pain is actually here, both from my traumas and this constant accusations I tell myself all the time. I can't feel I have to right to be there because in MY WORLD I'm a happy carless teenager girl who only is lazy and too busy enjoying small things of life to actually suffer. Evil is so rare it barely exist.
I'll keep therapy, help to live alone, friend to support me, doign my best managing symptoms, trying to make myself a life.
I just wondering the point of trying to work on my problems here.
I don't feel like I'm more prepared to deal with my past that I was at 7 years old.
I'll answer all questions you would have to better understand my situation but I really need outside point of view about all of this please
I came here like 2 months ago, mostly posted on my own diary but at first reading everthing. When I felt too bad to read to other posts I felt like I was missing my "duties". but it's not the point, I didn't came to stock every single information in my brain. I'm not in a trauma contest (which is always unhealty). It's suffer peer support. But I still can't relate to my own words, my own reality.
Feat of judgment always was hard on me. And I can't accept the reality of my suffering. I never could. I still can't.
writing it down here or elsewhere is painful to me. my suffering shouldn't exist because I don't deserve the sympathy that comes with it. People would sympatise with sufferer so there is no way I'm suffering. Sympathy can't come to me because I'm too guilty to deserve it. Also I'm too guilty to be autorized to be happy, I don't deserve it neither.
Well that out of the point, I'm talking about things I shouldn't because it's not the point of this post.
So yeah pain is actually here, both from my traumas and this constant accusations I tell myself all the time. I can't feel I have to right to be there because in MY WORLD I'm a happy carless teenager girl who only is lazy and too busy enjoying small things of life to actually suffer. Evil is so rare it barely exist.
I'll keep therapy, help to live alone, friend to support me, doign my best managing symptoms, trying to make myself a life.
I just wondering the point of trying to work on my problems here.
I don't feel like I'm more prepared to deal with my past that I was at 7 years old.
I'll answer all questions you would have to better understand my situation but I really need outside point of view about all of this please