Thanks for answering Animalliberator.
I am wondering as Anthony said if there may be more than one issue at play?
I can relate in a few ways to what you and others have said. As Anthony said, being with trusted friends and going for a beer I can relax or open up. Massage, or anything touching me (tapping) puts me through the roof. Visually as per rapid eye movement my brain 'corrects' a visual disturbance in one eye so rapid eye movement exascerbates migraines I already have. I am extremely active (I think the exception to the 'exercise' rule is when one pumps out lots of adrenaline), same goes for (no) sleep (hypervigilance triggered, usually for me), I usually can identify my depression as 'atypical' but I think it is affected physiologically. I have extreme back and hip and shoulder/ neck pain also (along with a few other 'goodies') but it has been for many years, pain fatigue (which I don't acknowledge) increases my depression/ suicidal feelings.
I think it is great you can keep trying. The point to SE (the 'water') is to so concentrate and learn how to sense, stop, and increase awareness at the moment as to break in to the fear and terror that you do not experience the same fear and terror and horror when considering or speaking of what is past. If you have too much, nothing can get accomplished. It has to be enough to be exposure, but without white-knuckling it or drowning it out (eg self-medicating, or dissociating). I respect what you have been doing, but I've found it's not something that can get done in one go and be done with it. There are layers, like peeling an onion.
I would begin by doing the things that bring you a tiny bit of peace. I don't care if they are unconventional, one has to break the patterns of thought and reaction. JMHO, of course.
One thought, have you tried right brain stimulation, such as learning to play an instrument with your left hand (if right is the dominant one)?
(PS, I have had a science background all my life, and have yet to 'crack the code'. Seems to me trust, breaking down barriers, being brutally honest with myself and going in the tiniest of steps, has been the only thing to turn down everything enough to even begin to acknowledge and address issues.)