DID DID and gender identity and orientation

[Reflections]

To be clear, I was talking about the the causes for sexuality and gender being complex. I wasn't talking about gender complexity.

Just because it's incredibly important to some people to find that label? Doesn't mean it needs to be important to you.

Yeah, labels don't need to be important to anyone. Labels are just tools. People may use them if they like. Or don't. If they are not helpful, toss them I'd say.

In replying to me, were you trying to give me advice or talking on the subject in general?

It is, actually, confusing to me that for many people, gender identity is so incredibly important.

I understand how a label can be helpful or unhelpful for someone. How that is different from person to person, or from season to season.

For me a gender label is about giving myself language and being authentic to myself and to others about how I feel. Instead of ingoring, rejecting, rationalizing, minimalizing, or dissociating from how I feel. I could just go on as the gender non-confirming "I dont give a crap, I am who I am, do what I want, gender is laughable" mentality I have always had to cover up and protect myself from facing the fact I'm miserable. It's not about having a label, it's about being honest with myself.

 

[Lionheart]

When I'm attracted to someone? I'm attracted to someone. How I feel about myself at any given time, on the spectrum from masculine to feminine and everything in between and outside that spectrum? Rarely makes much difference to who I am.

@Sideways

I just had to say that for me, your words are very healing and liberating.

Thank You so much!!! :)

 

[Muttly]

I could just go on as the gender non-confirming "I dont give a crap, I am who I am, do what I want, gender is laughable" mentality I have always had to cover up and protect myself from facing the fact I'm miserable. It's not about having a label, it's about being honest with myself.

This was very much my experience.

And while labels are "just labels", we do use labels to communicate. So, if you have a label being used for you, that you don't think fits, it can be a painful or disorienting experience. And in that case, saying the label shouldn't bother you is similar to telling someone that being called names shouldn't bother you. It just adds damage to an experience that can be damaging.

 

[Wendell_R]

I have mostly male parts, but in the past year two female parts came up--one teen, and one adult. They both have a strong sense of hetero female sexuality. I can't tell if the female parts arose because of the trauma, or whether the trauma suppressed the appearance of the female parts. So for me, it remains a chicken or the egg type of question. What is clear is that my female parts are the parts least affected by my trauma, and I treasure the joy and optimism that my two female parts bring me.

My female parts have their own sexuality apart from my male parts. Their sense of body arousal is completely different--more whole body arousal. The fact that I have a male body is a source of frustration to them, and we haven't really worked through that frustration yet, except to acknowledge it. They have a greater comfort with sexuality than my male parts.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Thanks, @grit , I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and thought process because it helps me to look at my situation from new and different angles, and that helps me to be more open and flexible in my thinking. I will definitely not take it as absolute truth but use it in my efforts to process and think about my own experiences, and I appreciate you giving me something novel and potentially helpful to aid me in this process. Thanks!

If you are DID or DDNOS/OSDD then many things could conflict. One younger part and one older part may have conflicts. Parts may have been abused soo much by one sex abuser, that they attach sex=abuse to the gender of the abuser. So, a heterosexual femal may elect to never trust a male again, and for comfort and belonging....find this in a female partner. The reverse is also true. Parts can be different sexes......and this can create bi-sexuality in some people. This is one of those very private....parts conversations.....in a safe place. I have spent feeling asexual (no desire for either sex), then in a safe place with a special friend...had "feelings and arousal" but I considered myself heterosexual....and now, maybe with the right person......I'd consider a woman. Regardless, whatever you decide about this.....parts have sexual feelings and they can be in opposition. While I don't advocate being an oyster about it, go cautiously.....
little parts don't get sex....and it can cause confusion.

 

[Keen]

Wow, you are all so amazing and insightful, I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and perspectives on this! Thank you!